My husband and I plan to get pregnant in about 9 months when I am 24 and he is 26. A friend gave us a bouncer seat and bassinet since her baby just grew out of it.
The baby items were sitting in our living room and my father dropped by unexpectedly and saw them. My husband told him that we weren’t hiding a pregnancy, but we had the stuff so we can prepare for a baby. My father didn’t seem upset.
This is why I am upset: I know my dad went home and told my mother. My mother has a HUGE problem with us having a baby, that’s why we weren’t telling her anything. She thinks I should wait until I am 30 and she seems to not want to be a grandmother in her late 40’s.
I didn’t want her to know because she will just say negative things and make me upset about planning a baby.
She did this with my engagement too!
Its done and over with but I am still depressed that my mother knows. I think I am going to avoid her for a while.
What do you think? What should I do?
2006-07-20 10:20:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
30s isn't a very good age to have a baby (not that its bad). Its a little late as per me. After 30 its a little hard to conceive and miscarriage is possible. But it all depends upon ones health. But I will say having a baby in 20s is not a bad decision.I guess you don't want your child to still be in school when its time for you to retire from your job. My boss had a baby when she was 36 and the baby looked kinda huge a little odd.
If you and your husband are well settled and there will be no problem in bringing up a child then go for it. As per your mother I don't know she may be right or wrong (no comments on that).
But I guess she'll be fine after she sees the baby.........Babies are sooo innocent and I am sure her heart will melt after seeing her grand child.
Good Luck!!
2006-07-20 11:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by Shells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I think you should either confront her about it and state your opinions (after all, it's YOUR life not hers) or keep your distance from her for a while - maybe until she calms down, and you aren't as devastated.
There's nothing for you to really be upset about, only that she's (in my opinion) trying to run your life. You are in charge now, you're 23 years old. She was once the decision maker in your life but not anymore. I think she has to know that and then maybe she'll butt out!
And on the other hand she has no right to be telling you when to marry and conceive. She can suggest things, sure, but she certainly doesn't have the right to get upset when you don't particularly agree with what she's suggesting. Besides, the only reason she can give you for this is that she doesn't want to be a grandmother yet? Tough luck! You do what you want with your life. She's your mom, she should be happy to welcome a new baby into the family, especially if it's her daughter's.
2006-07-20 17:25:17 · answer #2 · answered by miss_gem_01 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're old enough to be married and have a baby, you're old enough to confront your mother. Quit worrying about it. The first time she says something negative, don't argue or cry or be defensive. She'll react to all of those knowing she upset you. Just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we're really happy." Then just turn away and go or change the subject or leave the room. Refuse to say anything more. After the baby comes, she'll spoil it to death and start driving you crazy about what a bad mother you are.
2006-07-20 17:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by HamTownGal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult and you are married. So maybe your mom continues to feel like she's getting old. You can't control that she is getting older whether you have kids or not! My mom cried when I came out pregnant at 17 and she didn't want to be a young grandmother, but now when she tells people she is one she loves it cause they're all, "NO WAY YOUR TOO YOUNG TO BE A GRANDMOTHER!!!!!" She'll get over it, she won't be caring for the baby you will. And as far as "divorce" be positive! And there is "child support" if it turns out wrong. Have your baby, be happy, and enjoy your life!
2006-07-20 18:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by ******* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she isnt supportive of you then you should care less about her opinion. Is this what you want? Its about you and your husband and no one else. Dont let her make the decisions for you. And as far as her not wanting to be a grandma, well she isnt obligated to be. Is she so cold that she wouldnt accept the baby? If she is, you are much better off staying away from her. Anyone who is that negative cant possible compliment your life.
You dont need her approval for everything you do in life. She wont ever accept ALL the things you do in life, but she should love you unconditionally.
Once you gain your independence and build your self confidence, you will be much happier.
2006-07-20 17:29:52 · answer #5 · answered by bjsmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 21 and my husband 24 when we told my mother I was pregnant with my firstborn. Her reaction was "How can you be so stupid!" So I understand completely where you're coming from and my heart goes out to you. It is natural for you to want the support of your parents, even as an adult. Sadly, you'll need to protect your happiness and future family. Either by asking your mom to refrain from making negative comments if she cannot share your joy, or by removing or distancing yourself from her criticism. Parenting is very taxing and as a young mom I found I had lots of energy to run after toddlers, so there are advantages to being a young mother. Good luck!
2006-07-24 02:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by Celeste A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult. Don't let your parents control your life. I speak from experience. Your mother has no right to decide when you should start a family!
My parents (dad) has attempted to control almost every aspect of my life and I've been married 32 years. I obeyed and submissed to him all these years out of respect and love. It's only in the last couple of years that I have opened my eyes and allowed myself to admit what he has done to me and my family. Too late for me....., but not for you.
Tell your meddling mom that this is your marriage....your husband....your baby and your decision and to mind her own business. (If you want to be nice and diplomatic, fine....but make it clear to her that you are not a child.
2006-07-20 17:33:25 · answer #7 · answered by Free Bird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well don't have the baby for doing it out of spite. You, and your husband do whatever you want to do. My husband, and I were your age when we first had our son. Just think about this if you're in your 30's y'all will be 50 yrs old when you get done raising your kids. I know my mom was 34 when she had me. You always have your in laws, how do they feel about being grandparents. You know what I say its your mothers lost not yours.. My husband, and I found out were pregnant again for the 2nd time around. Good luck, and congratulations
2006-07-20 17:31:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It shouldnt matter what your mother thinks. If you are emotionally and financially ready for a baby and have a good marriage, its none of her business. She might say negative things and try to discourage you, but its not her life to live. Tell her this is your decision and if she cant except that this is what YOU want, she doesnt need to be a part of this baby's life. Continue as planned..
2006-07-20 17:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really not understanding why you should care what your family thinks. You are married, I assume you are responsible adults. you are planning on the pregnancy and preparing ahead of time. She doesn't want to be a grandmother in her late 40's?? OH WELL..... The decision is not hers to make
Don't worry about it, you do what is right for you and your husband.
2006-07-20 17:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by Linda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋