I was talking to my mom, I really needed to tell her what happened, that I was raped by my father in law...I didn't even get to tell her anything when she busted out in tears and she told me that she was raped by her older brother who is now my godfather, when she was 4 or 5. I hugged her and we cried for so long...I don't know what to do or say...I can't even imagine what would happen if I told her what happened...All of a sudden I feel like nothing happened to me, like I don't care and someone hurt my mom and I am GOING CRAZY!!!!! I am so desperate...I want to kill this man, I have no love in my heart right now, all I have is desperation and hate...I want to scream out of the top of my lungs, I don't know what to do...Is this a cycle? First my mom and then me? DO I HAVE TO PUT MY SISTER IN A BUBBLE SO THAT NO BODY CAN TOUCH HER!!!!!!! Please help me, I feel so alone, I can go do something stupid right now, I feel like.....I would do anything to make all of this stop, please, too much
2006-07-20 09:55:03 · 23 answers · asked by Magy G 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Too much pain in my heart, too much pain in my mind, I am going crazy...How can someone think of hurting a child...AND HE HAS THE NERVE TO GO TO CHURCH AND PRAISE THE LORD LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!! HE'S NEVER EVEN ASKED FOR FORGIVENESSS. My mother is the best woman in the world to have forgiven him, I know she has, I know her heart, I hope to grow to be like my Mom...Please give me serious answers.
2006-07-20 09:57:31 · update #1
The man who did that to my mom was her older brother...She was 5 and he was 15.
The man who did it to me was my father in law.
2006-07-20 10:13:18 · update #2
Thank you all so much for your answers and support. I know that's all that you can do, but that's all I want right now...someone I can talk to who cannot see my face...when I cry...I am crying...I apologize for the poor explanation I gave.
2006-07-20 10:15:17 · update #3
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT...I APOLOGIZE FOR THE ATTITUDE I SHOWED, THAT WAS NOT ME, THAT WAS NOT WHO I AM...I HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW REALLY BAD I AM FEELING...THIS WAS PROBABLY MY BIGGEST SHOCK IN MY LIFE...I WILL TAKE ALL YOUR WORDS OF ADVICE INTO CONSIDERATION...AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL...
2006-07-21 04:05:08 · update #4
I thought you said it was your step father initially. Sounds like your mom knows what happened.
1. You need to go to the police and report this crime.
2. You and your mother need counseling and perhaps some support groups. You can call 211 in most cities to find First Call For Help, the phone hot line of the United Way, the operators have information where to get help. If it's not under 211, then find a number for First Call for Help or the United way.
3. Worrying about your mom and your sister is not taking care of yourself. You NEED to feel your feelings about this and NOBODY else's feelings come before your own. Your mother putting herself first has put you in the position of the mother. This is WRONG. Children need their parents it should not be the other way around. Don't allow her to act like you are the parent. When she decided to get pregnant with you she gave an unspoken vow to take care of you. She doesn't seem to be living up to that contract in this situation and maybe in others, since you seem well trained to be more concerned about her than yourself. This is called co-dependency. Read a Melody Beattie book on this topic. She defines co-dependency like no other person can.
4. Please realize that you did not ask to be raped. It is not your fault. It did happen. This man needs to be charged to the full extent of the law. What he did to you is despicable.
5. You are a good, and valuable person. Yes, you are and at this time you need help and support. You are not asking for something inappropriate. YOU are important!
Please get the help you deserve. Tell your mother the truth and ask her to be the parent she should be. It's not up to you to heal her from any abuse she suffered, that is her job. And WHY in God's name would she put her rapist as your Godfather? This woman doesn't sound like a good role model, I think you can do better.
I have a childish mother myself. I have had to remove myself from her presence because it is too damaging to me. We now have an acceptable relationship by e-mail. When she writes something insensitive and co-dependent, I write a response and get out my fury and then I don't send it, she won't learn anyway, she's proved this over many, many years. A mother like this takes and takes and has very little to give. Find some good supports outside of your family.
I feel for you. Good luck on getting the help you deserve.
2006-07-20 10:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by Polly 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You don't mention how old u are hon, any abuse leave extremely deep scars and extreme fear. All abuse should be reported irrespective of age.However the fear of being rejected and what your abuser has instilled in ur mind can cause even more fear.Therefore very often counseling is often the first step to the beginning of the end. There is no easy answer hon that i can offer. nothing that can make this horrifying experience easier right now. This person needs reporting and fast but u also need as much support as you can get. to obtain support from any rape crisis centers or counseling. Both of these options are 100% confidential if over 16 yrs ( in U.K.) . However do u not have a close relative or friend u can confide in ?. The road ahead of u is long and hard but u have to do some-thing now. Your moms response is perfectly normal under the circumstances but hon u cant sort out what happened to her. Your mom buried what happened to her deep within her subconscious mind and never having dealt with her own issues therefore, dealing with these problems on a daily basis i would advise that both you and mum sought help TOGETHER. By doing it this way both u and your mom can support each other.
I appreciate totally that this advise is alot easier to say than to actually do but hon you really would be suprised at the amount of ppl abused psyically, verbally or both. The longer you leave seeking help the harder it will be, now, you also have youre mum onboard to support u. Please dont leave it hon get help soon - both of u, I am really so very sorry both you and mom have endured this evil action. My heart goes out to u both and, in some way i hope this post has been of some help..... Take care my friend and know youre not alone. Thinking of you.
Oncall...
2006-07-20 18:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom already knows something happened to you...it's no coincidence she told you about what happened to her that very moment.
Anyway, you need to take control of the situation. Seek medical attention for yourself first. Then press charges against your father-in-law. You will probably be moving in with your mother real soon. Next, join a support group...you are definitely not alone out there.
2006-07-20 17:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by Brand X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Magy G. -
I need you to watch this video clip. This woman has changed my life and helped me get out of a very painful, difficult time in my life. Listen to what she has to say intently! I'm a young lady myself, and she is easy to follow and relate to. You can relate to her because she went through her young life also being sexually abused by her own father - so she knows how it feels. I'm positive that she will help ease some burning flames in your heart! It will be a long process I'm sure of battling with your emotions. Just don't do anything to yourself or anyone else that you may regret. If you need someone to chat with, here is my email: mnm81@sbcglobal.net
Oh, and after you click on the link, find where it says "Today's Broadcast". Directly underneath that, click on Thursday's Broadcast entitled "Pressing Past Anger and Unforgiveness".
2006-07-20 17:47:53 · answer #4 · answered by mnms 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie...Tell her. Your hurting yourself and your mother by not telling her. You guys can go get help together.
Theres not much we on Yahoo! Answers can do..We cant go and get revenge on these men. But you do need to tell someone. So you can file for something. Just stay calm..I know its hard...TELL YOUR MOTHER! She would want to know what happened to her little girl. =\
And no it is not a cycle..Its just a stamp of bad luck for you family
But don't wallow in your pity. Take action..Speak out. Start an advocacy center. Help women and girls like yourself.
There is a reason for everything that happens to us. It hurts....but it always creates something so much better in the end.
I know you are hurting...But talk to someone and sort it all out. Dont live in fear. Youll ruin your life.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE (4673)
Good luck hunny. I hope that you work everything out. Life is tough....But be strong..for you and your mother. <3
http://million.rainn.org/
2006-07-20 17:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by allhopelost6 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You love your mom. But you need to put your needs first. You need to go and get help from someone. These sick predators do not stop with one. If your concerned about your sister then get help now before she is harmed also. There are rape hot-lines , the police, your pastor, that can assist you. Do not let this go, you can turn from being a victim to a survivor. but YOU MUST do something.You are a good person and have done nothing to deserve this.
2006-07-20 17:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by Angel in Oz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take some calming breaths and relax if it is hard for you to say to your mother write it down on paper and give it to her and just sit there until she is done reading.You really should tell your mom if you know your mothers heart you would know she wouldnt want you suffering in silence.You both need each other right now and more then ever.God Bless
2006-07-20 19:09:54 · answer #7 · answered by Pisces 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have a church go talk to someone there or a school conuselor. i think abuse like that is terrible and dont do anything stupid, just pray about it, ask God to take the hate away, and tell your mom. Hopefully she will believe you. is she married to this man now? maybe if u tell her she will leave him. she might be looking for an out and that could be it.
2006-07-20 17:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by Ebony 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry! Your father-in-law has "got away with this before "or he wouldn't have the nerve to do it to you, his son's adult wife!!!!! STOP HIM NOW BEFORE HE HURTS OTHERS, AND HE MOST DEFINTELY WILL AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL HE GETS CAUGHT! It will make some family upset and others feel safer but you must report him now.Deal with them later. Don't wait to talk to anyone. go now! More later from me on other ways to deal but don't let HIS sin take you down and do something wrong. You are better than that and it is way too soon to think about forgiveness!!
2006-07-20 17:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Report your father-in-law to the police. You must come forward if for no other reason than to protect your sister. If your FIN is a true god fearing man, he would want to confess his sin and 'get right with the Lord'.
As for your Mother, it's ok to help her, but you must help yourself too. Good Luck.
2006-07-20 17:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by vbrink 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋