I love my mom and appreciate all she did for me as I was growing up. However, since I was about 16 (I'm 28 now and married), seems we changed roles. She's had a difficult life and suffers from depression and various health problems. Because of this, she's unable to hold down a job and on medicaid. That covers her rent but she completely depends on me for all other expenses. Seems like she has no ability to control her finances. If I leave it up to her to pay bills, they go unpaid and I have to pay late fees on top of them. I have to give her reminders of how to budget and what she can and can't afford. She's in her mid 50's now. Most people my age can go to their mom for advice and financial help instead of the other way around. She always appologizes for being as she says, a "burden", on me. I don't care about the money. I just want her to be happy and to not have to worry about her. Has anyone else ever had a similar situation and what can I do to make her more independent?
2006-07-20 09:40:42 · 15 answers · asked by Jimbo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is getting counselling and is one a bunch a medication for her depression and other health problems. Unfortunatley, most people that are depressed don't cure it, they just learn to control/reduce it.
2006-07-20 09:52:19 · update #1
I really feel for you..My mother is now 76 and I have been caring for her for 10 years as of this month. She has mental illness and she is really difficult at times. My husband has been my rock...he helps me with her a lot. You can try to make her more independent, but don't count on it. You can try to get her on meds for depression, that may help. Although sometimes I think my moms meds make her worse. And yes I have had Drs. change her meds many different times. People will not understand what you are going through unless they have experienced it themselves...Yet many will think they know the answers. You have a couple of choices...continue to watch out for her...
or maybe see if she will commit herself in order to get some psychological help...There are some groups that you could go to for help in dealing with aging parents. Try tough love and let her sink or swim (I doubt if you will want to do that) You don't mention if you are married or have children..I have 3 kids and if I had to do it all over again I think I would of tried another way of helping her, having her live with us was really not fair to them. What I am going to try is..I found a Nursing home that does Senior day care, I think if I can get her to go it will be good for everyone involved. I can see that you love your mom, but take my advice and try to get some help, although I am sure she doesn't deliberately choose to put you in this position, You also have a life to live.
You are young and you deserve to seek out your dreams.
2006-07-20 10:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by Linda 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dam you are like super son. If she is depressed and is relying on you that much, I would definatly see to it that you make her sign up for some classes or get herself doing things maybe even a job. A depressed person will never change if they are just sitting around. She needs to get out and do something with her self and get some motivation. I know its so hard on you but you have been doing way too much. You need to tell her its time she should try to do something for herself. But if she is really sick and cant move around good then you may want to consider her moving in with you. Which is scary but at least you will save alot of your money. Hopefully you can figure out what to do....:-)
2006-07-20 09:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by Glittergirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really are a great guy and I mean that. You can't do much to help her, she has to help herself. Encourage her to have friends and she may take their advice. Maybe you can get her a financial advisor and that can help in that area. The depression is tough because that is ongoing. She is also too young to benefit from so many programs available. I will think this over some more and try to come up with more ideas. Good luck and you'll get your reward in heaven.
2006-07-20 09:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by Ricky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mom is the travel agent for guilt trips. She's got you right where she wants you and will probably never let go, unless you emancipate yourself. I work in a retirement home and I see a couple of old ladies in their 80's who still have their daughters wrapped around their little fingers. It's more like a choke hold really. You have a right to your own life. Her bills are not your bills. The "burden" crap is just to make you feel bad and keep paying her bills.
2006-07-20 09:46:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to help get her set up with the following groups/people, and then take a step back for a while.
First, a counselor to help with her depression.
Second, a payee, which is someone that gets her check and pays her bills for her. Usually programs like Medicaid will help you get one.
Third, the local senior center. This will help with her depression as well, as she'll have time that she's spending with friends.
This won't be a quick fix, but it WILL help you to get back to living YOUR life sooner rather than later. Hope it helps, and good luck to you all.
2006-07-20 09:50:09 · answer #5 · answered by Andi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation with both my parents. A few years back, my dad left my mom and she could not afford the household bills (lucky for here I still lived at home). When I decided to move in with my boyfriend, I was paying bills at her house and my new home. Finally, my dad saw this burden on me and took over helping her. Recently, a few months ago, my dad lost his well-paying job and moved back in with my mom (with his new girlfriend). Since then I've loaned out about $1K and haven't seen any $ back. I'd like them to get their lives situated so I can live mine with my soon-to-be new husband. I feel your pain, Good Luck!
2006-07-20 09:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by rebecca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you taken her to see her doctor to find out what is wrong with her? Maybe you can see if your other relatives can help out like her brothers or sisters if she has any. Does she have Alzheimer's? You might be able to try one of the places where they are a nursing home but yet they are not. They have their own places, and the nurses comes out, check up on them.
2006-07-20 09:48:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, join the club, i also care for my brother since he was 11, now 18. Also have my hubby and 8 month old daughter to worry about.
2006-07-20 09:44:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom is the same way. I dont really know what to do about the situation either. I wish there was something I could do to help you out.
2006-07-20 09:46:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
particularly lots my mom. Dad grew to become into there yet any questions have been replied with "Ask your mom." And he grew to become a pass united states of america trucker whilst i grew to become into ten. observed him in elementary terms one week a month on the main.
2016-11-02 10:24:25 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋