I just wondered what some good quotes were that are funny..Thanks!
2006-07-20 09:17:42 · 12 answers · asked by beach_chic_2696 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
"I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. "
Robert McCloskey.
"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst
"Five out of four people can't do fractions." (unknown)
"H2O is hot water and C02 is cold water." ( a child's quote on water)
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other." ( A child's quote of blood circulation)
2006-07-23 00:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by VelvetRose 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx
Many sites have huge collections of quotes, with categories including Humor. BrainyQuote.com is my favorite, I used it for a lot of material for a daily quote on an intranet I used to manage.
2006-07-20 16:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by trws1966 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like anything at all? I just read this in the paper this morning...Sad for it, I couldn't help but laugh it sounded so funny...
"KETCHUM, Idaho Jul 19, 2006 (AP)— It took surgery to save a 12-foot Burmese python after it swallowed an entire queen-size electric blanket with the electrical cord and control box."
2006-07-20 16:46:51 · answer #3 · answered by Indigo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A quote by Stephen King:
(sorry, probably not verbatim)
"A lot of people think I must be some kind of monster to write what I write about. But it's not true! I have the heart of a young boy.........
in a jar
on my desk."
2006-07-20 16:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by sookieruthie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is my fav quote-by Mark Twain:
'It is better to keep ur mouth shut and let ppl think u to be a fool than to open it and leave no doubt aboout it.'
...&...
'Don't leave something for tomorrow that you can do the day after tomorrow.' *lol*
..also..
'I'm a vegetarian not because I love animals but because I hate plants.'
hahaha! I forgot who said the last two quotes, but i hope u like them
2006-07-20 17:16:19 · answer #5 · answered by Mishy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WASH: We shall rule over this land, and we shall call it....This Land!
SIMON: What are you doing?
KAYLEE: Crime!
KAYLEE: It's okay, though, 'cause the captain has a plan.
ZOE: Perhaps you aren't recalling some of his previous plans...
WASH: I wanna go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!
ZOE: So, do aliens live among us?
KAYLEE (to Simon): Yes, and one of them's a doctor.
2006-07-23 16:20:04 · answer #6 · answered by Whedonist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1."'Men don't like to cuddle. We only like to cuddle if it leads to... you know... lower cuddling!' Ray Romano in 'Everybody Loves Raymond': TV Sitcom
2. Ray to Debra, his wife: I wish I were Einstein 'cos then I'd invent a Time-Machine & go back to when you were nice"
3. "Ray: Debra, Debra, Lovely Wife. Why I'm stuck with you for life?"
4. Girl: "If I was not married, you know, What I'd do?"
Ray: Wear the same underwear everyday?"
5. Ray: Debra, you said, you didn't know me?"
Debra: You were stuffing your pants with food!"
Ray: So? I'm your husband. You're supposed to love me no matter what is in my pants!
Is it enough?
.
2006-07-21 00:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.....that cracks me up.
2. Friends are God's way of apologizing for our families.
3. Who are you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes.
2006-07-24 17:16:21 · answer #8 · answered by 4feet11inchesoffun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be unique, everyone is doing it!
or as Marge Simpson said "People do crazy things in commercials...like eat at Arby's!"
2006-07-20 16:22:29 · answer #9 · answered by Sally Pepsi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eschew obfuscation.
2006-07-24 08:53:35 · answer #10 · answered by Beejee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋