Sin or not? Serious Answers Only!?

Question

Making a long story short: I have been separated for almost a year. Divorce is not final because of contesting issues. I have two children by my ex husband. I met my bf 3 weeks after me and my hubby separated. We messed up, and I got pregnant. Not being divorced yet, the court assumes the father is my ex-hubby. The father is my new bf, I have not been with my ex or anyone else since our separation. I know this was wrong and I have realized my mistakes. My bf has a problem because he just got saved. I got saved, too, but now he don't even want to be with me because he feels like he is intruding in my marriage. And he thinks there is a way it can be saved. There is no way it can be saved. My bf is very judgemental about divorce now that he has become a christian, and he acts like I did this all by myself. I can't argue that what we have done is wrong. But, what now? He doesn't except the fact that I have to speak to my ex about our children, either.

Please save the negative comments, okay? I know it sounds real bad, and believe me, I know it is, but I have asked God into my heart, now and he will make sure that I do not make another mistake like this again.

Answer 1

If you and your ex knew it was over and going for a divorce then i dont feel its a sin. As far as your bf he needs to accept the baby. He was a christian when he had sex with you and knew the consequences so he needs to own up to them. If your marriage was definately over then i dont feel you did anything wrong. I wish you lots of luck with everything and with the baby.

Answer 2

Yes, it's sin. You know it's sin, that's not the real question here. The real question is how to you get back out of it? First, I would take it to your pastor. If you don't have one, then I'd find a Bible believing church, and then talk to your pastor. Believe me, I'm sure he's heard worse. Outside of that, let us decomplicate the matter.

1. Divorce. First it is important to look at why you got divorced. Did you ask for the divorce or did he? What were the reasons? Were you a Christian at the time? And is your ex a Christian. Biblically, the only permission for divorce is due to marital unfaithfulness (in the broad sense, not necessarily just sexual). It looks like we can be sure that has taken place, since you have confessed to it. If that is not the reason for the divorce, then the reason is wrong. You say that you believe that the marraige cannot be saved, that may be. I am not involved with all the details, so I will not argue one way or the other.

2. New boyfriend. Yes, you messed up, yes, that's a sin. Yes, sin has consequences. Becoming a Christian does save us from sin's grasp, but it doesn't always deliver us from the consequences for our actions. There's a reason God says no, and now you are seeing the reason. He is responsible for the child that you are carrying. That is his responsibility, and as much his consequence as yours. He has the obligation as a Christian to face the music. To run from it is also a sin. If he feels that he is intruding on your current marraige, he is welcome to that. However, whether you stay together as a couple, or not, he still has the responsibility to do what is right regarding the child. That may take many forms. It may be paying alimony, it might be supporting you in raising the child. Make certain that it is understood that if you break off the relationship, he is still responisible for handling the situation as the man.

3. Judgmentalism. You are fully responsible for your actions to cause this new pregnancy. He is more responsible than you, if anything. As a man, Scripture places more responsibility for the family on that man. The man is to be the head of the household, but it isn't a gift, it's a charge. He has the greater weight to deal with this matter than you do. When Adam and Eve sinned, it was Adam's fault. He didn't even take the first bite, but throughout Scripture Adam is blamed for the original sin, because he was the man, and he was responsible. In avoiding his role in this, he is also sinning.

All that said, it also sounds that you are both rather young Christians. Yoda Green gets to be my advocate though I don't think he meant the same thing. You're a hypocrite. Praise God that he saves hypocrites. It would be nice if hypocrites were the only thing that Christians were, we'd be doing pretty good. We're also covetous, idolators, lustful, etc. God will grow you through this situation. He is the author of your salvation, and will use this to grow you spiritually. He wants for your sanctification, and that means bringing sin to the front. You have to heat up gold to purify it, and you have to turn up the fire on Christians often to purify us as well.

Remember, God will see you through this. Read your Scriptures, find more mature Christians that you can confide in, and confide in them. God bless.

Answer 3

Well... I think that you should talk to your boyfriend. See if you can sort things out. He doesn't exactly sound very nice though.. if you don't mind me saying so. Maybe you should tell him that the two of you can sort of... take a break from each other until this divorce is final. Once it's final, you guys can get together again and talk out the issue of children and so forth. If he really loves you, he'd be okay with you speaking to your ex on the children. It's also not very right of him to suddenly be so judgemental. If he just accepted christ and you too, you both have things in the past that you may regret. Everyone does. Even christians make mistakes and sin once in a while. It's just what it means to be a human. It's a bit sad, but it's also a bit inevitable. As Jesus says, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Your boyfriend should be supporting you, not criticizing you. And if he doesn't want to be with you even after the divorce is finalised... then find another guy. That's the best I can think of..

Answer 4

ok, your boyfriend is a moron, "judge not least ye be judged" The bible states he has no right to judge you, he has no right to treat you like that. He is "Sinning" by telling you these things. Have him go talk with God and sort it out. If he loves you than he'[ll get over it. If he doesn't he'll pay child support.

Biblically speaking the only reason for divorce is adultry. You and probably your husband as well since the seperation have both commited adultery in which case your divorce is biblically allowed. But even after divorce a person is supposed to stay single for the rest of their lives. Remember this is biblically speaking.

If your boyfriend signs a declaration of paternity when the baby is born at the hospital it will hold up in court. If for some reason they don't offer you one ask for it, it's the same person who brings you the birth certificate stuff. If he doesn't you and your soon to ex husband can ask for a paternity test if it's negative for your ex husband then and only then can you have your boyfriend tested.

Unless you go though a private agency whose results aren't allowed in court so why waste the money really?

just saw your other comment... sorry some people are being very negative but you kind of asked a negative question, but God doesn't stop your from making more mistakes he just forgives you when you ask him to. So ask him and have faith.

Answer 5

No one on this site is in any position to judge you. You have already accepted that getting pregnant by your boyfriend while you were separated was probably not the best thing for you to do but the fact remains that it happened and there is nothing that can be done to change that now. I think you should really go through with your divorce so that if you should enter any relationships in the future, you will not have the guilt of a marriage hanging over your head, even if the marriage is not salvageable.

Your boyfriend is not a very nice person, saved or not. For him to turn his back on you in this very difficult time when he is just as much responsible for you being pregnant, is wrong. He has no right after putting you in this position to now say since he is on the righteous path, go back to your husband. It is not his place to tell you to do this. I don't think you committed a sin. You were probably feeling very vulnerable and lonely at the time of your separation to go searching for a boyfriend. It does not sound like you made the best selection in a boyfriend. Your boyfriend has shown that he can not be relied upon when the going gets tough and I really hope that you reconsider pursuing a future with him. The most important thing right now is you and your well being stop feeling guilty. What's done is done. You told God you are sorry and it seems like you truly meant it. We are all human, no one is perfect. It is time for you to stop beating yourself up and try to move on with your life. The best of luck to you and your children.

Answer 6

Wow, that is some situation. Does your husband know about the baby and does he think it is his? You have committed adultry against your marraige so your husband needs to know the truth and have the opportunity to decide if he wants to stay in the marraige or not. As Christians we believe that the only way you can divorce your spouse is by death or if one person commits adultry and the other one cannot forgive and move on. The spouse that has been cheated on has the right to divorce the adulterer - not the other way around. If it is possible for your marraige to reconcile at the choice of your husband then that would be the best choice bibically speaking - God can make this situation work. You bf cannot just walk away from the situation either. Bibically speaking he is an adulterer too because you were still married at the time of the incident and unless you divorce for the above reasons then anyone you are with in future will be an adulterer and so will you. He is also responsible for the situation and it is very unbiblical of him to be so judgemental of you. Remember if you judge someone God will judge you the same way. If you don't forgive someone then God won't forgive you your sins either. It is also a little late for him to decide he doesn't want to intrude.
You have to maintain a relationship with your husband for the sake of your children and that is a fact until they are 18yrs or older. Should your husband want to proceed with the divorce then you will be free to continue your life as a single woman - this means abstaining from sexual relations until or if you get married again. God is a loving God, you have a child that he is blessing you with growing inside of you. You need to come to him in repentance and turn from your sin - do not continue in it (sexually). Your bf will need to wait on the sidelines until your husband decides what he wants to do then he needs to commit to a relationship with you as he is now going to become a father. The Lord can heal you and your relationship. Your relationship with your bf can continue and be successful and bring glory to God if you are obedient to Him from now on. Remember unless your husband was unfaithful too, he is the only one that is able to end the marraige (biblically).
If you are scared or fearful - trust in the Lord your saviour, get into the word of God (the Bible) and be obedient. God can use all bad situations for His good in the end.
If your marraige ends and you stay with your boyfriend seek a good christian counsellor who will help you move through all the sin you committed together and put this realtionship back on a right course, that will bring glory and honor to Him.

Answer 7

The first thing is to get the divorce finalized then go back to your b/f and tell him the truth about the pregnancy. If he is a true christian he will come to terms with what the two of you have done and take on the responsibility of being a dad. Then explain to him that there is no way you can avoid your ex husband if you have kids with him the court won't let you keep the kids from the father. As far as the court they need to know who the father of the child is (sorry to have to say that). You may have to find another b/f that's understanding that you are human. As far as getting saved congrats to both of you. If you need any further assistance on this contact me thru my email and good luck. It is a sin, but GOD will forgive you if you ask.

Answer 8

Maybe you and the bf should go speak with the Pastor of your Church about this. I know that Divorce is frowned on and should not be done if at all possible to save your marriage, but sometimes, it just can't be saved. Yes, being with the bf while married to another was wrong, but God does forgive. I don't think you should continue intimacy with the bf until you figure out your marriage. If you do end up divorcing, I think that the bf and yourself should get counseling with the church as to bring up your child in a Christian home. You didn't do this by yourself, and shame on him for not acknowledging his sin as well. He (your bf)has a responsibility to you regardless of what you decide with your marriage. This is HIS CHILD, not your husbands. I think you should also pray for guidance from God and let him lead you. Sometimes, Christians do get divorced. I could go on and on about that, trust me, been there and done that, ya know what every circumstance is different. I really tried for years, still didn't work. Guess what, GOD still loves me. Good luck and GOD BLESS you and your children!


One of your answerer's say that your soon to be ex will have to pay, not true! I was pregnant at my divorce by another and I specified in my divorce that the child was not his. Only someone underhanded would knowingly lie and let the man pay for what is not his. Besides, DNA can prove otherwise.

Answer 9

IMO the bf is a whimp taking a very sleazy way out of his responsibilities.

That said, what to do about it?

Staying with him (if it was an option) will eventually end up in disaster anyways (clearly he's not worth much as a man) so why even consider the option?

The marriage is over, while attempting to renew it may be beneficial for the children of you two the bf's son will be a thorn on your husbands side that may very well derail any good will you could ever muster. So that is not an option either.

If I were you, I'd finish with the separation claim the bf as the father of the last child if he attempts to deny it pursue legal means to have him declared the father. Then start with your life all over again. Hopefully in the future you will have better luck brought about by good judgment.

Answer 10

Sometimes divorce is needed not all marriages can be saved. I believe that if your current boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you he will understand, aside from the fact he knew about all of this when he entered the picture I'm sure. It may take time but hopefully this is true. As for the religion thing and being newly saved this is what I have to say. God FORGIVES!!!!! Only God has the right to judge nobody else;" Let he who be with out sin cast the first stone". I understand your position almost to a tee I am in a very similar situation myself. I recommend giving the situation to God because he will help your boyfriend to understand. But don't worry so much God loves you and will help you through it, aside from that if your current boyfriend is trying to understand then hes not worth your love and time or your children's. I hope that helps
Sincerely,

Vanessa

Answer 11

If your boyfriend was a true Christian he would own up to his end of the responsibility in this. It seriously looks as though he's trying to back out because of irresponsibility. Look, I am no one to judge, but how is it ok to turn your back on your own child, just because you are still married to your husband? The baby is not yours, and your soon to be ex-husbands, it's yours, and your boyfriends. What part of he needs to take care of HIS child doesn't he understand? God doesn't make us feel condemned for our actions, the devil does. We are human, and make some big mistakes sometimes. That's why our Lord is so beautiful; he loves us so infinitely he forgives us. We just need to make sure we don't repeat the same sins over again, and own up to what we have done. The only thing I would suggest is, not to live or have sex with your current boyfriend till you are married, otherwise that is a sin, regardless of having children together. Some of these churches out there can be very legalistic, and condemn and scripture lash you for many things that they have no right to be condemning you for. The Holy Spirit will give you conviction, not man. Like I said, God does not condemn, the devil does. God is the only one to judge you, and your situation, just go and try to sin no more, that's all God wants. We can't change the past, and stop with the shoulda, woulda, coulda, because that is not of God, that is the devil. Blame is also not of God, so he really needs to think about his actions in this, and truly seek God. Prayer is very powerful, so believe, and utilize it. As long as your prayers are in Jesus’ name the Lord promises to answer them.