I am a 23 year-old decent looking guy. I play in a band, have a secure job that is career, i go to college at night so i can become a teacher. I pay all my bills, i support myself and still have enoughs pending cash to have a good time, and i'm just a fun loving guy. I have been with my g/f for well over 2 years now, she is going to school, finally, she has a job that she works 2 days out of the week and wont get a real job, i pay for everything that we do, she has no drive to succeed in life. Yet, i love her more than anything in the world and don't want leave her in the least, she treats me great i just wish she was more motivated and had a more go get em attiutude. Granted she's 21, but am i wrong? My question is, do you defnie this as love? What do you think of this? and how can you tell a girlfriend that you want her to get a real job? Thanks!
2006-07-20 08:46:41 · 16 answers · asked by Drew 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
loving the person has nothing to do with what kind of job they hold, it has to do with the type of persont they are. and you love her for her, not the job she holds
i can understand you wanting her to do more, because you want the best for her, and that in its own form iS love. if you want her to do better, talk to her.
sit down where there is no distractions, and where she can't run off if she doesn't like what you are saying.
and if she doesn't listen there really isnt much you can do, but just don't get her used to you doing everything for her, shes a grown women, she needs to learn
and if you talk to her right and show her where you are coming from and that you mean well
and i know i jumped around on this, which i didn't mean to, cuz as the ideas came out i just typed them, so sorry if its all over the place
and good luck
2006-07-20 08:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have very different base personalities. These are some of the biggest things that can cause problems in a relationship. You need to talk to her very openly about what you each want in your life. If you can't come to an agreement on this stuff, it WILL eventually drive you apart. There is nothing wrong with wanting her to hold up her end sometimes. She shouldn't mooch. I'd stop paying for so many things. Start setting some of the money you'd use to do something with her into savings. See how fast it adds up, and see how fast she notices that you're not going out as much. She may love you, and just have a character flaw. She may not truly love you, but stay with you because you treat her so wonderfully. Until you discuss it with her, though, there's no way to be sure. Good luck.
2006-07-20 08:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by Andi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you might want to consider why you want her to get a job. Is it just because you don't want to pay for everything? Or is it because you would like to see her successful in her own life? 21 is young, but I am 24 and have constantly supported myself since I was 18.
I think you should talk with her about it and let her know that you want her to get a job because it would be good for her. Help her look for jobs that she would be interested in.
And on a more cynical note...are you sure she's not in the relationship because you support her?
2006-07-20 08:54:37 · answer #3 · answered by Fion M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her...thats the best advice you could get. You won't figure her out by trying to get in her head...just talk to her. She's 21 and thats old enough to realize that she needs a decent job with benefits! As for you paying for everything, thats very nice...good for you! She should appreciate that. However, thats a separate issue from what you are saying. Just sit down and talk to her and tell her the importance of a good job and how it will increase her self esteem....and that will improve your relationship.
2006-07-20 08:51:58 · answer #4 · answered by irishME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this is like a comfort zone for her. She has done this for so long that she has growm accustomed to it and don't want to change. Please don't give up on her if you truly love her and want to be with her. Help her expand her horizons and get her out of the "comfort zome" Try to find something she enjoys and is good at and look for a job with that background behind you. Try not to spoil her either. Hey I'm a woman and I told my boyfriend not to spoil me.... you cherish things more when you don't expect them all the time if you know what i mean.
well anyways in what ever happens good luck!
2006-07-20 09:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but as long as you dish out the cash, she's going to sit back and let you. Tell her working 2 days a week isn't cutting it, it cost more to live than what she earns and it's not beneath anyone to work full time. That's life.
2006-07-20 08:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, she will continue to have no ambition, you know that right? Who knows, tell her that you need to start saving up for _____ and that at this point in time you do not have the cash you have had, tell her that you'll continue to take her out here and there, but sometimes it'd be nice for her to chip in also. If she doesn't seem fazed then you need to decide if you are okay with that.
2006-07-20 08:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by tinks44 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine that even with the very incontrovertible certainty that it truly is attainable for the guy to have initially replaced the way he changed into performing to delight or galvanize you it is purely as possibly that you've been blinded by using your thoughts. you loved him so that you reported him to be ideal. regrettably, no man or woman is ideal and it truly is amazingly trouble-free for 2 those who like one yet another to attempt this interior the starting up of a courting. it truly is what some call "The Honeymoon era." it truly is amazingly easy to continually be the sufferer yet both relationships and conflicts require 2 persons. with the intention to artwork by ability of disagreements you should be keen to take duty for belongings you've performed incorrect. convinced, the international might want to be a more effective position if we dealt with 1 yet another as acquaintances and it might want to be outstanding yet too undesirable it is compared to that. that would want to be why we've created the idea of a utopia.
2016-11-24 23:01:22 · answer #8 · answered by sarris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are just at a different place in your life right now than she is. If her mellow, no-drive attitude is not bothering you enough to ruin your relationship, stay with her. But don't lose sight of your own goals either. And don't let her be a moocher.
2006-07-20 08:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by just4funyall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she do to school full time? Maybe it'll be different when she is out of school. If not she is a mooch and "either deal with it or move on" she won't like being made to work if she thinks your going to support her.
2006-07-20 08:51:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋