So there is a guy that i LOVE hanging out with. We have a great time, but i am not physically attracted to him (and yes i know that it is kinda shallow)... B/c there have been not advancements made, i see no problem with still hanging out with him... However, my brother thinks he really likes me, and thinks it is wrong for me to not 'clarify' where i am with him... QUESTION... is there any way that i can let him know that i'm not interested in 'dating', but want to continue to hang out? i don't want to make myself look like an a** but i don't want to hurt his feelings either, b/c he is a very nice guy!?!
2006-07-20 08:38:15 · 17 answers · asked by tinkerbell02127 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think you need to clarify anything until the boy busts a move. Then you have to be clear about your feelings, but do it in a humane way.
2006-07-20 08:42:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very important to be honest in every relationship. If your brother is correct, the guy you love to hang with probably wants more from you. But keep in mind also that this guy has not really told you his feelings... for all you know, he may just want to hang out as well. You don't mention your age, but it appears you really aren't looking for a serious relationship... you just want to have fun, and when you're young, that's what you should be doing. Plenty of time later to decide on marriage and making a lifetime commitment. Be sure not to send mixed signals to your friend... if you kiss him, you have stepped up the relationship. Hugs are okay, but should not last a long period of time. Holding hands is out... that signals more than friendship. It goes without saying that sex is entirely out of the question. Now a problem you might run into is meeting another boy who you do want to date. It's important to share this with your friend... don't keep secrets. Friends don't try to hide things from friends; besides, if you're giving the proper signals, your friend should not be surprised. Also, remember that your friend might also meet someone he wants to date... be helpful, and if asked, make suggestions. By the way, if you have kissed him or held hands, he definitely has the wrong message you want to send and you should apologize for misleading him.
2006-07-20 08:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mike S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear not attracted!
That's an age ol story. You just need to have a talk with him. Ask him how he feels about you straight up. It is the best advise honestly. If he decalres that he love you likes you what ever, you will know what page youare both on. Then explaint o him just what you told everyone else. How much he means to you as a friend, but that the chemistry just isn't what is required to be in love. you have to be honest and fair. If youare leading him on thats not fair. If you suddenly stop talking to him thats wrong too. So honestly is the best policy. he may be hurt at first if he does have interest in you, but eventually if he is a true friend you will work it out. Men are more logical than we give them credit for.
2006-07-20 08:49:39 · answer #3 · answered by Angelisa Smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand. I have many guy friends, and sometimes we don't realize that their feelings could be more. It's not being shallow to say that you're not physically attracted to him - it's a bigger matter of chemistry than physical attraction. If it's not there, it's not there.
Just play it as a friend all the way. Do not give any false hope, do not use him. As long as you don't lead him on as if you want to be with him, you've done nothing wrong. If someday he wants to talk to you about it, which could happen, then you can be honest about the way you feel. Good friends and nothing more.
2006-07-20 09:09:50 · answer #4 · answered by beadtheway 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If U really have that much fun hangin out then JUST TALK TOO HIM.....
U wanna get that coversation outta the way NOW, before he develops feelings 4 U.
Just let him know that although U LOVE to hang with him, that's ALL there is ever gonna be.
Break it to him gently, U don't wanna loose a close friend over a misunderstanding. Good friends are really hard to find these days.
2006-07-20 08:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by HeartsOnFire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation happen to me. I had to tell the guy that I am not at the same place that you are because he asked if he could kiss me. I ended up telling him two more times and it did break his heart. He realized how much fun we have and thought about the many times I brought his spirits up when he was down. He also realized that we can't always have what we want. We are actually roommates and still hang out. So you gotta tell him before his feelings for you get stronger.
2006-07-20 08:49:03 · answer #6 · answered by JanLeo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't end up in the situation where you come to that point of the conversation where you have to tell the guy you just want to be Friends. Spread a rumor that you have a wild thing for another boy, and make sure he hears it. Never hang out with him one on one, always tow someone with you. Fix him up with a gal that you think he would like too. He's your bud, be nice, and be very careful, cause, well, us guys, we think we're tough, but we're not!
Peace :)
2006-07-20 08:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by fromdheart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same situation w/my friend and i miss when we don't hang out but the physical to consider as a bf is not there what so ever. i started to share how i felt for someone else to hint to him i wasn't feeling him. i also remind him how precious our friendship is. Start talking about other guys. Once you do his going to realize he doesn't have a chance with you and then he will decide if will continue to be your friend or distance himself from you if he really cares.
2006-07-20 09:49:18 · answer #8 · answered by dodgergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tinkerbell, it is much easier to let the guy know this IMMEDIATELY - if he is interested in more than a "Hang out" relationship, it will end the relationship you do have with him. But that is much better than him hanging on to hope when there is no hope. Being a guy, it would have been much easier for me during high school to know this up front than to hope beyond hope. Who knows, his level of maturity may allow him to be satisfied with the relationship as is.
2006-07-20 08:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by gratifythespirit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh this one is easy, next time you are hanging out and laughing you just say 'i am sooooo glad we are just friends and don't have to worry about all that messy bf/gf stuff, its great to have a guy friend that doesn't try anything!' if he was thinking it he'll stop thinking it right away, but at the same time you are telling him how much you appreciate what you do have! good luck!
2006-07-20 08:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋