Specifically banned from my Boyfriend's son's wedding...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year and have been dating for two. His son is getting married in November, and because he and his fiance do not agree with the relationship that his father (my boyfriend/future fiance--we are planning to get engaged soon) and I share, his son told him I am not allowed to come. They disagree on our relationship because of our age difference. However, this is incredibly hurtful to us both, and the closer the wedding gets the more offended I become; I feel that if their father is helping to support their wedding and is celebrating their relationship on their wedding day, they should have the courtesy to at least respect ours, whether they agree/accept it or not. What to do? Any advice is appreciated.

Answer 1

I would let your boyfriend handle anything with his son, don't you get involved, it will only make things worse in the short and long run. I'm assuming you're much younger than your boyfriend (possibly closer to the son's age), and that could be the reason that he's having a hard time accepting your relationship. Children have a very hard time accepting their parents as people with needs and desires like they have, even adult children have a tough time with it. After my parents divorced (and I was an adult when it happened) I had a really hard time when my father started dating again, and was less than polite to his (now) future wife the first few times I met her, because I thought my dad should've stayed with my mom. She's about my dad's age too, I can't imagine how I'd feel if she were more my age, I know I wouldn't be happy at all!! I'm still not crazy about the idea, but have been told that I need to get over it, by my mom. I agree, what your bf's son is doing is hurtful, but you really need to be an adult, respect his wishes, and steer clear of the wedding, your presence there would only make things much worse. Their emotions are running high right now, let the wedding mania calm down, and hopefully your boyfriend's son will come to see you as an addition to not only his father's life, but his own as well. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

You should respect his son's wishes. Showing up at an event you were told not to come to will only cause more hurt feelings, and possibly ruin the day for your future son-in-law.

I don't personally agree with them saying you can't come, but I'm sure there is more to your story then just what you've said. Ultimatly, it is HIS day, not you & your boyfriend's day. You need to respect that, even if neither of you agrees with it.

You also want to take care not to alienate your boyfriend from his son during this, either, because they ARE father & son, and while I'm sure the father is upset, he needs to be close to his son. Lives are too short to be upset over things that can easily be forgotten.

Also- the less you push or make a fuss over being invtited, the more likely the son & bride are to get over it, and possibly invite you.

Answer 3

Your husband should not give an ultimatum, but if the son is over 15, then you should have been invited. It should be all or nothing. He can't expect his father to leave you behind and it's rude to ask him to do so.

Your husband should not refuse to go because of you, but he should make it very clear that to his son that he should set aside his issues to have his entire family there and happy. You boyfriend should also ask the son how he would feel if the two of you invited him somewhere but said to leave *his* girlfriend at home.

If he says you can go, then make a point to not be in any of the family group pictures. You are still just a girlfriend and imposing yourself in the ceremony, photos, or family will simply build more animosity. Be on your best behaviour, go out of your way to congratulate the happy couple, and just be a delight.

Answer 4

Well I do know just where you are coming from, BUT, You can either respect their wishes and NOT SHOW UP or you can Talk with them depending on how BAD you WANT TO BE THERE and just mention to them how you feel, Or just let that day come and pass and not be stressing over it. I've been there done that, And it does not feel RIGHT/GOOD @ All so I well know just what you are going through, I was there for the person I thought was my friend and she did not INVITE me to her wedding. Guess what I HAD TO GET OVER IT. AND THAT I DID. Life is SHORT Sweetie and Life is not promise to us so just make plans on that day and HAVE SOME FUN FOR YOU, Allow the father to attend his son's wedding. And just Keep things well/good between you and your LOVE. WISH YOU WELL, P.S. On the Other Hand You could CRASH IT. LOL

Answer 5

Thats really sad and selfish of your boyfriend's son. While it is true that it is his and his future wife's day, he shouldn't step all over his family to be happy. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of each other and the union of the families, even if it is extended. Maybe your boyfriend should have a talk with his son, but there's really nothing that you can do.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend needs to stand up for you. You guys are together now. He is contributing money to this wedding and they are telling him his girlfriend can't attend? Well how stupid is your boyfriend for allowing himself to be used like this? Clearly your boyfriend needs to have a long talk with his son, your age difference is your problem, not his. (None of the above applies if you are the reason he broke up with the mother of his son. In that case they are absolutely right and you're a homewrecker.)

Answer 7

I would definitely not go when you're not invited, that would just cause more friction. But, your boyfriend needs to talk to his son. His son should respect your relationship, that is messed up. I don't care how big the age difference is. He needs to have a heart to heart talk with his son. You're important to his dad and that's all that matters. Life is too short to act like that to your own dad.

Answer 8

Reguardless of how his son feels your dating his father you should be invited to the wedding I'll tell ya what if this was me I'd Crash the wedding lol no doubt your boyfriend shouldn't be on his son's side they just don't like you pure & simple that's my opinion.Age doesn't matter in this day & age no joke..Good Luck

Answer 9

This is difficult.
Your Boyfriend/fiancee/fiancee-to-be needs to run point on this. Its his Son and fiancee that have created this issue. If he is paying for a part of this wedding, he does have the right to provide input. It also is poor social taste on their part to actually invite people, yet screen whom they may bring.
If it were me (and I just finished paying for my step daughters wedding, and learned the importance of a clenched jaw), I would politely tell my son that if the appearance of my girlfriend/fiancee makes them uncomfortable, that I fully understood, and hoped that they understood that I would be equally uncomfortable without you. Therefore I would wish them well, and say I had no hard feelings, but would not be able to attend.

Answer 10

It is their wedding, not yours. They set the rules. If you don't like them, that's too bad. If you are offended, consider this. . . they are offended by your lifestyle and your boyfriend's choice to live with you without marriage. That is a price you will have to pay. You have made your decision and they have made theirs. You don't have to like it, but it is THEIR wedding. It is the bride and groom's day. They deserve to have it the way they want it. When and if you get married, you will have the same privilege. Be happy for him!