Does anyone know how to have a 4-year-old boy behave?

Question

He is a middle child with an older and younger sister. He has reciently painted his walls and he likes to play in the toilet. We have tried time outs, taking things away. We have sent him to bed/nap early. We are at our wits end.

Answer 1

Don’t spank or use time outs. These are punishments, not a form of discipline. Time outs are a way for you to control your child but not a way for a child to learn self-control. They only cause resentment and are shaming to a child. Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he draws on the wall, he cleans it. If he continues, his markers get taken away. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If he damages something in the home, money comes out of his piggy bank or he earns money doing things around the house to pay for the damages. If he plays in the toilet, he cleans the mess. You can also redirect him to an area where he can play in water. Let the discipline fit the crime.

Find some safety caps for the outlet. They have some that are really hard to get out. Explain to him what will happen if he does try and put something in the outlet. “You can get really hurt and have to go to the hospital” or any way where you feel he would listen and respect. I would also try and gain a sense of his motive for doing this. Is he because he wants to work with tools? If so, get him some child sized real tools to use. Here is a great site for that http://www.montessoriservices.com

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take his gently by the hand and put his in a spot in your home (bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (listen, stop, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take his back to the spot a few times before he gets the message. Thank his when he behaves. Keep it up!

Notice his when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 2

Yeah timeout and taking his favorite things away. My son USED to act up now he doesnt. You have to make him know you are boss and that he isnt going to get away with anything. Take his favorite toy from him when he is doing something wrong and time out. Dont let him watch tv/movie after he has acted up. You have to make him earn it. Also make a big chart with everyday of the week on it and let him put a star on it if he had a good day, no sticker if a bad day. He will get the point. Let him earn his toys back that way to. The toy you took from him the day before, if he was good let him get it back. Make him understand that he only gets things when he is good. Good luck

Answer 3

Go buy a bean bag chair, and call it the "naughty chair". Thats the time out chair. 1 minute per year old, so if hes 4, he gets 4 minutes. It has to be uninterrupted, though, so if he gets out of the chair, put him back in it and reset whatever timer youre using.

Also, praise him for all his good behavior, and try using reward systems. Heres a good one, easy to customize:

Answer 4

Well you didnt really say what the issues are so I will give you some basic tips.

*Use positive reinforcement...constantly praise the good things that he does.

*Refrain from using labels such as :"bad"...when he mis behaves use words such as "not ok" or call it a "bad choice"

*Save the yelling for an extreme case...a child who gets yelled at often will learn to tune it out.

*Make sure that he does not have too much free time... 4 year olds (especially boys) do not have the capacity to entertain themselves yet...make sure you set up activities for him as much as possible and limit TV...keep him stimulated and supervised.

*limit sugar intake

*Let him be your helper as much as possible.

By boosting his self esteem and engaging him in fun activites you will definetly notice a change in him....if not you may want to contact your local department of health for a free evaluation...he may be suffering from ADD...but please only save the evaluation for after you have tried everything for him...
good luck

Answer 5

I agree with Geet, He is probably doing it for attention. Maybe take some time out of your day just to spend time with him and make him feel special. Disaplining your child is not always the way to go.

Answer 6

Disipiline him with firm but loving boundaries.
I recommend "Growing Kids Gods Way"

Answer 7

I am only 13. However what you need to do. First you need to tell him about rules and consquences. How that what he does affects him on what he wants. Cast the rod on his backside when he was done something wrong.

Answer 8

First of all what "things" have you taken away? Things that would be privileges anyway? Secondly your disciplining is inconsistent. You go from time out, to removing his things to sending him to bed. Pick one and stick to it. No wonder you can't discipline you can't even discipline yourselves.

Answer 9

Have your oldest daughter do the punishing! Give her things to do that you think may help in the punishment. Then ignore your son when he is asking you to make her stop.

Answer 10

Don't do things for him unless he does things for you.Tell him he has to listen to you in order for you to listen to him.Give him alot of attention and encourage him even he didn't do it right,encourage him for trying.Then he is gonna want to do it again and do it better.It always works for my 4 year old.