can anybody share....?????

Question

ok....well im bored and i would like to know if anybody has any funny stories,quizzes,jokes,riddles,brainteasers to tell.
tall me anything....but don't be rude


P.S. why when i ask a question i can never add additional details.???

ok....jasminey i don't get ur joke???
i'm kinda slow so please explain.

and doesn't anyone have any riddles or quizzes???

come on people!! so far jasminey is getting the 10 points unless of course one of you can actually make me laugh!! come on give me more jokes

Answer 1

Here's how to turn down unwanted men;

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Answer 2

After a bad skiing accident the doctor stopped by the unfortunate skiers bedside and stated , I have some bad news and some good news.Upon hearing this the skier said , give it to me straight doctor. The doctor replies well I'm afraid your gonna lose both of your legs. Upon hearing this the skier says doc please give me some good news I could really use some right now. The doc replies well son the good news is the man in the next bed wants to buy your shoes !

Answer 3

There's this lady who is 95 years old and she no longer wants to live and she is tired of all the drudgery in this world and her pains aren't exactly subsiding, so she decides to end her life by shooting herself in the heart, so she takes out the revolver and makes sure its loaded, but she has forgotten where exactly the heart lies inside the body, so she quickly makes a call to the GP (doc) and asks the doc where exactly the heart lies. The doc tells her that the heart lies two inches below the left nipple. With that knowledge the old lady conducts the suicide attempt.
The next day she is found in a hospital bed with a bullet in her kneecap.

Answer 4

You can add additional details afterwards. Check your question page on the right.

Once there was a magical slide on which you could shout whatever you liked while sliding down and find it on the bottom. One day there were three kids at the slide. The first kid yelled "Money!" and got all the riches in the world at the bottom. The second, a girl, yelled "Pony!" and got her present at the end. The third kid was rather dim, and on the way down all he said was

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Answer 5

your driving down the road in your car, next to u is a firetruck, going at the exact same speed, on your other side is a valley. in front of you is a giant pig and behind you is a helicoppter flying at ground level. HOW do u get out of this mess? ThINK about it b4 u scroll down for the answer











get off the carosel, your drunk

Answer 6

If you have to go back and explain (or add details to) the joke, then it is not worth telling in the first place.


I will try to keep this one easy for you.


Success

At age 4 success is .....not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is....having friends.

At age 16 success is .. having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is ...having money.

At age 50 success is ...having money.

At age 70 success is ...having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is ...having friends.

At age 80 success is ...not peeing in your pants.

Answer 7

nicely, enable's see. there are a tremendous kind of techniques to interpret that question pondering the act of "believing" is subjective to each people. yet, i visit claim that I consider you interior the experience that, one, i do not think in "God" as all of us all-powerful being of a few kind and, 2, the perception of "existence" is a theory deeply ingrained interior the neural/chemical platforms of our mind and body, therefore a introduction of our own recommendations. existence to us is each little thing, it is all all of us comprehend, for we are the observer and may under no circumstances view "existence" from outdoors our own created actuality. in words of threat, i think that threat exists, again, interior the construct of what all of us evaluate "existence." It governs what we do by using what we've done, sparking idea and inspiring certain alternatives. yet, again (if we were able to step outdoors our own realm of actuality) there is no longer some thing all of us comprehend now that we may be able to coach may nonetheless be genuine. have you ever considered the action picture "What the #$% do all of us comprehend?"? That action picture is the position a tremendous kind of my beliefs on existence were formed. verify it out if any of this strikes a twine.

Answer 8

A man enters a Bar an orders a Drink. The Bartender serves him.
The man emptied it in a moment & called the Bartender n said "A Bottle for me and a peg for veryone sitting here...."
The Bartender serves the order...
After a while again the man shouts...
A Bottle for me and a peg for veryone sitting here....
The Bartender said "Sorry sir but u hv to pay for the first round b4 i can serve u more..."
The man quickly said "Make a peg for u too"
The bartender didnt ask for money, he quietly had his drink n served the order!
After a while again tha man shouts...
This time bartender says "Sorry Sir, Money First."
The man replies "Money! wat Money?"
the barteder kicks him out of the bar.

Next day the man again comes n says "A Bottle for me and a peg for veryone sitting here...."
Bartender mischeviously replied " n u will offer me a peg too!"
to which the man replied....
"No. U get Crazy wen u Drink!"

Answer 9

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks,"What's up with the steering wheel?" to which the pirate replies, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Answer 10

her are some...hold on






Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!" "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

Joke 2
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." She says, "Why, are you sick?" He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. He says, "Where the hell are you going"? She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." He says, "Why, what do you need?" She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."