Husband and I have a 4 and 2 year old that sleep with us. How do we get fall asleep in their bed by themselve?

Question

HELP!! My husband and I have a 4 and 2 1/2 year old daughters. They always sleep with us. If we get the to sleep in thier badroom we have to lay with them to get them to sleep and then they wake up in the night and come get in bed with us. We have tried letting them cry it out, but they still wont fall asleep they just keep crying, and I can't stand to hear them cry.

Answer 1

Get over it. Let them cry. It is difficult since you have let the behavior go this far. It is easier never to start than it is to break a habit.

They will not die if they sleep alone. More importantly, you will not die if they sleep alone.

We have three (7, 5, 4) and never let them sleep with us. They're fine.

If you want to break the habit, spend the night at your mother's or sister's house. Leave the kids with your husband. For that night, they can't sleep with you. Then try letting them stay with Grandma or an Aunt.

With the 4 year old, play up the big girls sleep in their own rooms angle. Only babies sleep with Mommy and Daddy. I do this when my 4 year old doesn't want to sleep in his room (he wants to sleep under his sister's bed). The big boy routine accompanied by a thorough closet inspection seems to work.

Answer 2

Hi, I don't think you have to let them cry it out. I have 4 and 2 year old daughters as well and am in the process of getting them to sleep in their own beds. They are now going to bed on their own, but will wake up in the night and want to come and sleep with me. With my 2 year old what I did was - I put her in bed and then told her I was checking on her sister and would be right back - I came back 20 seconds later - said the same thing again and came back 40 seconds later - did it one more time and was gone for 2 minutes - then did not come back and she fell asleep. I only had to do this for 3 nights and now I just put her in bed, say goodnight and walk out the door - it's wonderful. This worked for my 4 year old as well ( I did it when she was 3). Now I am working on getting them to stay in bed all night and we are at about 60% right now. Neither one of them has ever cried it out!
I don't know if that helps at all.

Answer 3

Put them to bed at a regular time each night. Read them a book or something to get them relaxed, and then leave the room. If they cry, let them cry for a bit. Then you can go back in and rub their back for a minutes or something, but don't pick them up. When they come into your room during the night, just take them right back to their own beds. It will be hard for the first few nights, but your kids will figure out soon that they have to sleep in their own beds.
Parents could avoid this problem altogether by not putting the kids in their bed with them when they are babies. Babies should sleep in a crib, not in a big bed with parents.

Answer 4

When it comes to kids, especially two kids when you have two parents anything can be conquered. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and a bit helpless sometimes( I know cause I am single mom with two kids 2 and 4) But, the key is to remembering that you are smarter and wiser than they are, no matter how much you may doubt this. I have a couple of things for you to try: Try to get them to start off the night in their own bed, I don't believe in letting them cry it out, if you have to sit with them, read to them, use a night light, and give tham a special blanky or stuffed animal to cuddle(it helps assure them they are not alone. Then, if they still get up in the middle of the night and sneak in your bed wait for them to fall back asleep and put them back in their own bed. This may not be so easy at first but they will catch on(and I promise edventually you will get some sleep) With my kids, I tell them that they can sleep in my bed only on the weekend and if they don't remember I don't remind them, but that may be a good way to easily transition them. Kids don't like change, but it isn't impossible, just make it real gradual. Good Luck!

Answer 5

One of my close friends had this problem with their oldest son, 4. Neither my friend nor her husband could stand to listen to J cry and his crying also keep their 2 year old twins awake as well. What ended up working for them: in the beginning both parents stayed with J until he fell asleep in his own bed. They set up a bedtime ritual- a story, prayer, and back rub. In the beginnin J would wake in the middle of the night and come into their room, but whoever he woke up would take him back to his room (his dad often ended up asleep in J's room in the beginnin while waiting for J to go back to sleep). After a couple of weeks, J only needed one of his parents to go through the ritual with him and now he can fall asleep on his own after the story and prayer.
Have you guys moved recently or had something happen that might have been traumatic for the girls? J's problem began shortly after his dad's two month absence (Dad's Air Force). Maybe the girls need some type of reassurance.
Best of luck!

Answer 6

You never mentioned if they share a room or not but the best bet is to let them have their own rooms. That way they will have a sense of ownership and soon they'll be keeping YOU out of their room. If you don't have the space, ask them to help you discuss a routine that would incorporate them falling asleep in their own bed. Maybe snack that they get to pick from 2 or 3 healthy choices you display in front of them, brushing their teeth and then let them pick out stories that you or your husband reads to them. The point is to give them a lot of choices and help them feel independant. Let them know that there is NO choice in where they sleep. Make it clear that your room belongs to "you and daddy" and their room is only for them.
If they wake up and try to come and sleep in your bed, you will have to get in the habit of taking them back to their room to fall asleep. Take turns just like when they were infants.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a 7 year old son that still try to do this to me and my husband but it's gotten to the point now where my daughter just wakes me up and brings me to her room to help her fall asleep. It's so sweet.

Don't make wanting your company in the evening hours into a bad thing. They just want to feel secure. Good Luck!

Answer 7

There is going to be no way around a "cry it out" situation, no matter what path you choose. This is one of the downsides of having a family bed.

So my advice is in how to deal with the crying. The best way to think about it is that the kids aren't crying because they're sad; they're crying because they're angry, because they've been going into the family bed for their entire lives, and because you probably give in almost every time they cry (bed situation or otherwise).

Kids are smart. They know how to manipulate their parents. Your best bet is to stick to your guns, or they'll quickly learn that all they have to do is keep on crying and they'll get their way.

As long as you stop thinking of your kids as being sad when they cry, it makes it much easier (though not necessarily "easy") to deal with the change in beds.

Answer 8

Its going to very hard once you start this , so my advise is to talk to them and explain that they have to sleep in thier own beds. put a night light on thats very dim, but bright enough, if they wake up that they can still see a dimly light room. Now the hard part is that once you put them to bed make sure bed time is a set time every night. Make the rule that they have to sleep in thier own room in thier own beds, and stick to it no matter how much they mprotest. in a few nights maybe a week or so they will realize that they have to sleep in thier own beds like the big people that they are.

Answer 9

Our son had that problem (still does sometimes). He is only just two and we have been working on it for almost that whole time. I don't recommend letting them cry it out. When you put them to bed at night, make them go to bed in their own, even if you have to stay by their side for 30-60 minutes. When they wake up in the night do the same, I know how hard it is, and sometimes they do just need to be in your bed, but make those occasions rare.

Answer 10

I agree.
Go buy the book SOLVE YOUR CHILDS SLEEP PROBLEMS
by Dr. Richard Ferber.
Unfortunately, you are the one who is having the difficulty. All kids cry, you are just going to have to follow through! Don't give up,it really works and you will all be SO much happier after they have learned to fall asleep on their own. It only gets harder as they get older. You can do it!!