What am i going through? Is it normal and why am i going through?

Question

I feel like I am losing control! I have 2 wonderful children a 6 1/2 yr. old and a19 month old. I feel I have always been a great mother to my children, but lately I feel like I am being the wrost mother. I do not know what is going on w/ me. If seems like my 6 yr old never listens to anything I say anymore and my 19 month old just laughs at me when I try to use a strune voice. It got so bad today that I went into the bathroom and just cried & cried! I feel when my children are doing something they are not suppose & I am trying my darnest to get them to listen, that I catch myself saying to myself "I can't stand you" Which is not true for a sec. not one bit. I love my kids to death and they are my everything. I seem to be very stressed lately. My husband & I just decided we wanted 2 try for our third, starting in Nov. but 2day I asked myself will I be able to handle another one. I love children and would love to have atleast 2 more, but why am I feeeling the way i have been?

I feel like a bad mother, that I even had to type something like this on here or ask somebody what is going on.

what is PPD? Never heard of it I don't think!

That me add that I am a stay at home mom and current am babysitting a 9 month old, 1 yr old, 4 yr old and a 7yr old not counting my two. However I do not have all the other children all at one time. Some are P/T and some are here only current days a week. Or just for a few hours a day.

Answer 1

Oh, honey, I as so sorry that it is so hard for you right now. One thing I want you to remember is that instead of doing something damaging to your children you went into the bathroom and had a good cry that in it's self tells me that you ARE a good mom.

Depression is an awful thing and it comes upon us so quietly that we don't see it until it has become so painful. Unfortunately your Dr won't know that you are in need until you tell him it is not like there is a blood test for depression. I would advise you to get an appointment with your Dr asap and don't hold anything back tell him everything that is going on with you he is not going to condemn you for your feelings. If he/she doesn't take you seriously then see someone else. There are so many new treatments for depression there is no reason for you to suffer the way you are. There is no shame in what is happening to you, take care of yourself if one of your children were in the pain you are you wouldn't delay a minute to get them help, treat their mommy as well. Good Luck and feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk.

Answer 2

No wonder you feel like your losing it! It's hard enough raising your own children let alone babysitting these other kids. Why are you babysitting? Do you need the extra money because if you do then it doesn't sound like it's worth it. If your babysitting just to be nice then STOP! You definately need a break and there's nothing wrong with that. ALL parents need a break once in a while and if any parent says that they don't, they are lying through their teeth!!! It sounds like your children are at the ages of independance and control. And the times that you think to yourself "I can't stand you" you know that it's the frustration that you can't stand. Maybe you should hold off on having a third child. You need to give yourself some breathing room.

Answer 3

You sound stressed and maybe depressed. Do something to eliminate some of the stress from your life. If you can, give up some of your babysitting and spend more time with just your two kids. You need to find a friend to talk to. Try joining a group for moms and their young kids. Talk to your husband and make sure that he understands how you are feeling. Don't start trying for number 3 until you feel more settled and secure.

Parenting is very rewarding but very hard work. You must be both firm and consistent with your children. You establish what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior by how you respond to your children. If laughing at you and not listening to you are not acceptable (and they shouldn't be), respond immediately. You want to make it much more unpleasant to misbehave then it is to behave. You can try different methods of making life unpleasant, but don't ever simply not respond because you are feeling so tired and overwhelmed. Also, never blow up and respond in anger. Instead, in a very controlled, matter-of-fact and firm manner, give an immediate unpleasant result in response to bad behave.

If you are consistent, your children will soon be obedient and sweet and much easier to handle.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you are going through. REALLY I DO!!!!!! I have two little ones a 2.5 year old and a 8 months old. My 2 year old is going through her terrible 2's and if that isn't enough my 8 month old started crawling. I know that some days are challenging and i too at times find myself in the restroom crying and sometimes getting so frustrated that i raise my voice like a crazy person. I realized something wasn't right saw a therapist. Sometime shaving some time to yourself works but being a a realistic mother i know that isn't always possible my best advice is try to talk with someone, find a support group something and i guarantee things will get better..

Answer 5

Monika dear, it sounds as though you are experiencing a little stress and depression. I believe from the tone of your question, that you are an at home mom. Whether that be true or not, talk to hub and tell him what you are feeling. A third child is going to add more stress. Your 6 year old is behaving fairly normally, however, it is not acceptable that that child doesn't listen to you. He needs to go to time out, and then repeat back to you what you have asked him to do, or tried to tell him. As for the nearly 2 year old, you may be making a face that amuses him when you use your stern voice. Again, the corner is a great place to get attention back on what you want from them. Please wait on #3 until you get yourself back on track. Go to the park, walk, get out of the house and into the fresh air...no matter how hot it is, you need you time. It's not easy being home all day with the kids. I envy that you can, but it still means a lot of stress for you. Hubby needs to understand that, and help out a little. Finally, you really need to sit the kids down, get their attention, and apologize for your hurtful words. Explain to them that when they don't listen, you get your feelings hurt and that is when you say mean things that aren't true. Then go stand in the corner and show them that you are sorry. No kidding! It works! Kids are very forgiving. You'll be okay sweetie. Just nip it now before you have to go for professional help, or we see you on Nanny 911. LOL Good luck sweetie. Nana

Answer 6

In every conceivable way, what you are feeling is normal and understandable. Parenting is an enormous strain and I conmend you on what seems like so far, a job well done. That said, it sounds like you need to make time for your self, you're burning yourself out. Meditation, spirituality, exercise, even 30 minutes a day for a start is what you need away from the situation. You cannot and are not expected to control your children's behavior 24/7, that is an impossibility. I think that you should not be shouldering the burden of raising the children yourself, no matter how many hours your husband may be working. When he comes home and on the weekends, he's got to assume the responsibilities of taking care of the kids to give you your peace of mind, so you will be at your best when your kids need you!

Answer 7

Your STRESSED Out!!

See if you can get someone to watch the kids for a day or even overnight. You and and your hubby get away to a nice hotel room with a whirlpool and RELAX!!!

You may also be stressed about thinking of having a 3rd child. Questions to ask:
Can you afford another child, not only now, but as they get in school, college etc...
Do you have enough time to spend on all the kids.
Is your house in order, organized? If not, do that.
Your kids on a schedule? If not, make one and Stick to it. Your a parent first, then a friend. It's up to you to teach your kids right from wrong and if you have to be the bad guy once and awhile your doing it for their own good.

My sisters don't stand behind there word. If you do this or that I'm going to .... Then they do it and she worns them yet again. Our daughter(13) knows better then that.

We've made her stay home when she was to stay over somewhere. If her list of chores are done, but she did a bad job at a couple, we make her do them over or show her the way they need to be done. It's tough being a good parent, but if you want them to grow up and be good people, you HAVE to teach them NOW.

I really think your just stressed out, we all get that way once and awhile. If you can't get away, could you talk a walk by yourself for 20-30 minutes. Then you can try and clear your mind, talk yourself thru your problems. It helps.

Answer 8

from my own experience, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have 6 kids. 3 natural and 3 through marriage. They were all very young when we got married. I had days when I thought that nothing that I was doing was right. That even if I did manage to make them listen to me, that maybe I wasn't raising them into the kind of people they needed to be. Eventually everything just fell into place. honestly it was like over night. I have 6 wonderfully behaved, polite. beautiful children. Believe me it will all work out. Just stick to your guns, the kids are testing their limits (which is completely normal) alot of parents just give in and give up when it gets too hard and then let the kids get away with anything, they need structure and love. so as long as it is done with love, they will eventually understand that you are to be listened to. By the way, if the depression or worthlessness feelings continue or get worse...please contact a doctor. Post Pardom Depression is VERY real and can really effect you.

Answer 9

Calm down honey...this is what all moms go through. I'm a 20 year old...not a mother but i've treated my mom really badly at times. But that doesnt mean she was a bad mom. I was immature! Same way, a 19 month old will normally just laugh or smile or cry when she/he feels like! come on..give the baby a break...don expect discipline from such a young child..as for ur 6 and a half year old,its natural for them to be naughty...gosh i cant even remember bein 6 but i know i was really naughty and stuffed jam in my dad's shoes once! u r not a bad mom...i think u are really stressed though...u need timeout ! Go honey...head to the parlor and get a facial.leave ur kids with a babysitter for a while. get a massage...spend time with friends..relax!all the best..

Answer 10

You should not feel bad. We've all been there. There are good days and bad. Trust me...I am a mother of 4 boys...11,9,4 and 5 months. I've been to the bath room and cried many times just like you. I think the thing that works the best for me is to just make sure that I make time for myself. Put your kids in a room that they won't hurt them self....turn on the monitor and read a book, take a bath, wat Dr. Phil whatever you like. Remember, that kids don't stay that way for long.....most of the time when they are acting up it is because they need attention or they are tired. Lay down and read with them....that might help or better yet...ask your 6 year old to help you make cookies. They will love the attention....