Say perchance you did something hurtful (no, not cheating if you're wondering), and your significant other never lets you live it down by constantly making references to your wrongdoing... rarely taking into consideration any major good you've done them.
Your significant other knows that pointing a finger and making accusations (such as one would scold a dog for being a "bad dog") will only lead to your frustration and arguments.
Not even a thousand goods can outweigh one bad.
Say this behavior ensues for months and months... and this significant other rarely allows you to maintain a good mood due to constant reminders when said rare good mood actually comes to you.
Is this a relationship that one should consider ending for the sake of his/her own sanity?
2006-07-20 07:06:30 · 16 answers · asked by Reno N 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I would say that your significant other has to let it go, whatever it is, and get over it already.
I'd have a sit-down talk with him/her. I'd ask him/her why is it that he/she keeps holding a grudge. I'd try to get to the bottom of why he/she isn't willing or able to forgive and move on.
I wonder if he/she is using this past misbehavior as emotional leverage, to manipulate you and to use it against you for the purpose of making you "be a good girl/boy" now and in the future.
Whatever the misbehavior was, and whatever the reason why he/she is holding a grudge about it, I doubt that the reason is because he/she is still genuinely hurt by it. There's got to be some other reason why he/she keeps picking this past misbehavior up and using it as a club to beat you with. It's got to be some sort of psychological control mechanism, or something.
But whatever it is, he/she needs to be told that NO relationship works in the long run, if one person is constantly holding grudges against the other person for relatively minor transgressions that happened long ago.
I wouldn't end the relationship just yet. Perhaps he/she doesn't realize the hurt and frustration he/she is causing by not letting go of whatever happened in the past. Perhaps, after talking it out with him/her, he/she will "see the light" and stop with the grudge-holding.
But if not, then I would resign myself to the fact that having grudges held against oneself is no way to be in a workable relationship, and then I'd probably end it.
2006-07-20 07:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
it really depends on how he/she is treating you as a whole. cuz you would not want to lose a wonderful thing over something like that. maybe he/she does it in a joking way, or maybe he/she was truely hurt and this is a way for them to take it out, althoe that doesn't mean that u pester the person for months at a time. sit down with ur significant other and let him/her know how you feel, that you understand that you made a mistake, but don't enjoy being reminded of it all the time, that it hurts/bothers you as well. also explain that the time you two have together ((or whoever u r talking about e.g. friend etc.)) is valuable and that it could be better spent enjoying one anothers company rather than bugging the he*l out of each other. but if he/she means it in a joking way, and it bugs u let him/her know. cuz a couple of days ago my bf fell asleep on the phone with me, and for a couple of days i would tease him about whenever he would yawn, but it was all fun in games. so the best thing for you to do is talk to each other before you end something that you hold dear.
good luck and hope that helped!
2006-07-20 07:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
It sounds like this person is just looking for a reason to get rid of you anyway. No one deserves to be treated this way (Male or female).
Everyone makes mistakes and you should remind this person that they have probably made a few as well. One should never throw rocks at glass houses!
I hope you find a more suitable mate that is understanding and will not taint you by making you feel like you are walking on eggshells!
Good Luck!
2006-07-20 08:19:27 · answer #3 · answered by fourcolor4u2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is something to think about. The first thing you must remember that you are speaking to a wounded person and this wounded human being is not allowing you to forget because deep inside of this person the word "hurt and pain" are embedded. There is a root to the problem. This person is punishing you but they are also punishing themselves for not letting go. If you love this person then you must help her/him overcome by talking about it no matter how painful the situation is. Dumping, getting out, and other copping out behavior is not good. Face the problem, kill the weed/root of the problem and see what happens. If this does not help then I suggest counseling and if that does not help then seek healing yourself to learn how to deal with that person that's if you are willing to remain in the relationship. :-)
2006-07-20 07:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Won't do you any good to end the relationship all women do that.
They have a mind like an elephant they never forget any minor mis step you might make. Saw that on Dr. Phil
Being a man your not perfect and prone to making mistakes so walla. There it is. Unless you want to scratch women of your list of things i want. Better get used to it and never, he said, never confess to something she knows nothing about.
Unless you want to hear about it at your 60 wedding anniversary
2006-07-20 07:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your significant other wants you to acknowledge the mistake and apologize. DO apologize. After you sincerely apologize, ask your partner to NEVER bring the issue up again because it's putting stress on the relationship. If it's brought up again, tell your partner you can't spend time together since you've apologized, and enough is a enough. If your partner finally stops bringing it up, you can enjoy time together again.
2006-07-20 12:54:01 · answer #6 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be in a relationship with this going on all the time. There is no peace. If there is no peace and no where to turn when your beloved rags on you? Whats a person to do? The relationship is unhealthy. Get out.
2006-07-20 07:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by Zeta 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-02 00:13:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes definately, if she truly loved you she could forgive some minor transgression and not keep referring to it constantly.......especially since she knows it hurts you, then isn't she intentionally hurting you over and over purposely? Tell her knock it off or find another boyfriend her choice
2006-07-20 07:11:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in fact it sounds like either a very negative person which is no fun, or a person trying to run you off, in which case you should oblige him/her.
2006-07-20 07:09:50 · answer #10 · answered by Steve W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋