I have a 7 year old son who may well have been sexually abused 3-4 years ago.. School, social services, child protection services, a psychologist and child and adult mental health services starting to look into it but they say it will take a long time. Is there anything I can do now to help him?
2006-07-20 06:35:57 · 36 answers · asked by ed 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
love him and care for him.
2006-07-20 06:37:05 · answer #1 · answered by wyamideleted 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, when I was a child, I was raped in a park, when at a day camp.
You have be able to listen, if he wants to talk about it. Don't try to force the issue. You might get more from him then all the agencys combined. I'm not saying that,that's not a good place to star however. The problem you will run in to is proving that person did it. Evidence is everything, Because of his age, he wouldn't make a 'good' witness, even if you think you have the right one. Try getting a male doll, and playing with him, using the doll, let him get comfortable while you are playing, then casually ask him questions, such as: Has any body ever touched him in an area pointing to the doll that made him feel hurt, or where he didn't like, and ask him to point to the doll, and let him show you. I've heard that this is a very affective way to find what you wish to know. Let him know that he is safe now, and that it wasn't his fault. You might be able to ask him if he remembers who did, but see first where he points. Let him know that you love him, This will at least give the people and idea of what direction to investigate, if he was indeed abused. He was so young when you think this happened, that he might not remember. so don't expect miracles either. This is just one way of hopefully learning something. Love him and treat him the way you always have, and may God bless you.
2006-07-20 07:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by virgiinia r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you try to act "normally" around him. Always remembering that he has been carrying this heavy burden around with him since the event.... without sharing this information (presumably). Try to be mindful of his feelings and if his responses to, otherwise normal events seem to upset him, just come alongside him and SHOW him by kind and reassuring body language that you are there for him, always.... no matter what! I feel sure that he will share these events with you when he feels ready. There is no way to make him communicate his feelings to you until he's ready. Maybe his abuser told him that something bad would happen if he told anyone, he may still believe this. You too, may need help in order to help him, take whatever is offered, it's an emotional minefield you're walking through. Be strong for your boy! Message sent with love x.
2006-07-20 07:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jan D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems you have summons the right sort of help from education, mental health and professionals. if he is your son he may find it difficult to talk to you but it is important that he talks about his feelings in his own time. this might be a while off yet but the more hhe is pressured into talking the longer it will take. maybe he will talk to a close family friend rather than you as children dont like to tell their parents for many reasons. i wish you all the best of luck. you may also find child counsellors on the net or from your gp, there are also support groups which you might find on the net for YOU to talk to about your feelings. all the best!
2006-07-24 06:20:45 · answer #4 · answered by lou897 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to be supportive through his road to recovery. Participate with him in some kind of sport activity, basketball, swimming, something that will help him be occupied and reduce his stress levels. Perhaps picking out a puppy together and walking it daily, nurturing it together in love will make a difference. Hope that helps, wishing you strength and courage and brighter days ahead, take care, the best to you both!
2006-07-20 06:50:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In addition to hugging him and loving him, you need to assure him that whatever happened to him was NOT his fault. Sometimes molesters will try to blame the victim and unfortunately, sometimes parents do too. I don't think you will do that.
I suppose the process with the agencies you mention take a long time to sort all of this out. Your son needs all the love and support he can get.
2006-07-20 06:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by Juanitamarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad was raped as a child, he carried it with him the rest of his life. His anger towards SOME stereotype people transferred to me. I didnt realize I was full of the same hate. I always wondered what drove him. It was humiliation. The fact he was a child and couldnt do anything about it. He was shamed because he felt others laughed at this. Regardless of how people see it, there is a tone here in america that makes the victim feel weak, and humilated due to lack of understanding of things around them.
Regardless of the fact it happened when he was a kid, he couldnt forgive himself for not "doing all he could" to be prepared for it. We cant stop people from doing anything they really wanna do. I think the best thing is, protect your child, and teach them much worse things happen, and they dont have it very bad.
It wasnt specifically directed towards them, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Let them know other people have it so rough... dont mention what happened to them because they then would feel it was directed towards them and feel that they have been wronged without knowing it, against there will, and they are being punished for it. Doing things with good people, that focus on the future and helping others helps the children.
They are doing good things because its the right thing to do, not because your trying to help them understand good is better than bad. It seems like your selling it. Kids arnt that smart, but smart enough to understand emotions.
Just dont bring it up unless they do.
What is there to explain?
They are bad people....
kids know this, they may not understand why, but thats not important. What is important is that it doesnt affect their personal growth for the remainder of their lives.
if a child wonders why it happened or what happened...
dont be afraid of telling them straight up, that those people are selfish and not caring of others.
Dont elaborate, they dont need it.
Sure, we can kinda understandwhy people do bad things from a psychologist view point, but thats a mind scrambler for a child.
No one knows for sure without a psychology type analysis, or without explaining it from a faith oriented viewpoint.
If a child could only understand we dont understand things in a perfect way and that wondering will confuse you and waste your actions.
Im guessing buy him a bike, or pony, or bb gun. Put them in martial arts classes. Do anything that makes them forget everything they are doing, what is around them, and everything but what they are doing that is contructive.
If people forget, then it doesnt bother them.
If they are doing something good, they wont have time to think about it. They wont care, that feeling of doing good, is all that matters. Anything now that you can do?
Dont spoil them, dont let them know they can use those events as a way to get people to "feel sorry for them" and have things easier. People have it much worse in other parts of the world and that just wont fly.
Music, guitar.... anything that requires their attention and holds the attention they have long enough for them to grow past those events without them knowing. Never try to correct the past, children will spend their whole lives trying to find something to "make up" for the experience, something to balance it out.
But it will always be their if they remember.
Just an idea...
cant say it will work for your child.
not saying this is the best alternative either..
just a thought
2006-07-20 07:08:19 · answer #7 · answered by red_samurai_dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember he is just a child and will not understand a lot of whats happened? id suggest you get some help, from other parents in same situation, but most of all try boost his self confidence and just be a good parent. How you react is really most important. just be a good listener if he needs you xx best of luck and heartfelt thoughts for you both xx
2006-07-20 06:43:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him right and wrong. Love and care for him because children are precious; they give meaning to the world. Sadly, he will probably always have those memories of violation and confusion, and never completely overcome this trial that life has dealt him at such an early age. Give him your love. ;)
2006-07-20 07:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by Whos that girl... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact your local police department domestic violence division. Speak with a DV officer they should be able to get you in contact with or at the very least information on where you can go for assistance. You can reference you case number when you speak to the officer. They are there to help you. Good Luck.
2006-07-20 06:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love him and care for him as much as possible. Let him know that he is safe now, and that no one will hurt him again. I'm very happy that something is being done about it. This monster that did this to your child is a freaking loser, and will end up behind bars.
2006-07-20 06:38:38 · answer #11 · answered by *~*RaChAel*~* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋