When I put my foot down, she goes to her grandmothers house. There is no support there. She's basically a good kid but lately wants to stay out all night with her new friends. She has her own car, & pays for everything herself. She still drives past 9 because she's not afraid of getting caught. I was easy on her when she was young because her father was abusive. Now she thinks everyone owes her something. Have tried counseling & ended up with Social Svcs involved because she made things up. ( Which she later admitted) Any Ideas?
2006-07-20 06:23:37 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are the parent here. You are the one that controls the house, the fact that she pays for everything RIGHT NOW, means nothing except that you are allowing her to learn responsiblity. She needs a lesson in RESPECT. She needs to understand that everything you ALLOW her to do is a priviledge given from the head of the household. Allowing her EXCUSES to be defiant is not a good lesson to be teaching her right now. Letting her get away with what she does is allowing her to think she is in control of the house and her life (which, yes, she should be in control of her destination in life.) But she needs to learn not to bite the hand that feeds her OR THAT GAVE HER LIFE.
2006-07-20 06:44:02 · answer #1 · answered by lamp062400 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think tough love is the answer. She needs to know you love her, but she cannot go on feeling entitled and acting wrecklessly, risking getting into trouble, even legally.
As much as it may make you feel a bit sad, I would think about meeting with her and setting up your expectations and what consequences she can expect if she chooses not to follow your rules, such as, she cannot drive the car for a certain amount of time. You might also want to meet with her grandmother and get her support on not letting your daughter run to her whenever she wants to escape responsibility, because this is only enabling, even though her grandmother's heart is in the right place.
If she continues to get out of control and not comply with the rules you've set up, really for her safety, I would let Social Services get involved, to the point of them intervening and educating her on what the law says about staying out all night and driving after 9 at her age.
Hopefully it won't come to that. I wish you the best with this!
2006-07-20 13:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by humble.earthling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well actualy that a very complicated thing you know, I'm 18, but when I was 16 I did'n lisent to mucho to my mother but then I realise that she was correct about most thing. So I think the solution os to just let her do what she wants to for now, but not too far. And when you think somthing is wrong just tell her advise her that is all. Eventually she will get tire of being wrong and will understand why do you care so much.
2006-07-20 13:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Ruben Otero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont be afraid to get a little tough on her. Just because her Dad was abusive doesnt mean that she doesnt need to be put in her place.Dont be afraid of her, they are like dogs and they can sense fear. I have 4 girls. 16,14 21,and 2. Dont let her decide to take off to Grams whenever there is something at home she doesnt want to deal with, take the keys if you need to.
2006-07-20 13:30:55 · answer #4 · answered by skipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops on her one night and that may put an end to the driving around at night. As for how she behaves, that is something that you 2 will have to work on. It's harder when she pays for everything too.
2006-07-20 13:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by NJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to put your foot down hard where it hurts. She needs to be grounded, do not let her go to granny's, even ask granny not to let her in for the sake of your childs rebellious nature. And DO call the cops on her, but don't come from the "you are in trouble" standpoint. Just tell her you are concerned and you lover her and every time she comes home late or she disobays you tell her it hurts you. Just tell her what she is makeing you feel and let her decide whether or not she wants to continue hurting you. Thats what my mom did for me and we are and were fine! Good Luck
2006-07-20 13:33:20 · answer #6 · answered by Yes I Am The Gorgeous One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a long talk with the grandmother and explain the problem. She probably doesn't realize that she is supporting the granddaughter's rebellion. You can take away the car since it has to be in your name.
2006-07-20 13:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by karen wonderful 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I don't like it when my mom constantly bitches, and yells even if I havn't done anything.She's basically going to hang with frineds when she wants right?I don't know.I'm 16 myself, but I don't do that.Try negotiating a system with her.Like a certain time to be in by, and if she follows along reward her.When she notices the pattern she'll keep up.If you do however yell at her for small things she does wrong, it doesn't help.Trust me.
2006-07-20 13:31:48 · answer #8 · answered by DJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man,that's a hard one,I feel your pain. About all you can do is tell her long as she is in your house it's your rules,if she doesn't obide by them,make consequences,but don't talk about it while angry. If she insists on acting like an adult,then liberate her,and let her go her on way,see how long it takes for her to come running home
2006-07-20 13:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take away her keys. Ground her. I'm not a parenting expert or anything, but really think you don't want to lose her at this age. I think if you take away enough priveleges, she'll realize that she's still dependent on you. Good luck.
2006-07-20 13:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by MrMarblesTI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋