How do I deal with the guilt surrounding my cat's death?

Question

My kitty just died yesterday afternoon and I am having a terrible time. I feel a lot of guilt like I didn't take care of her properly even though she lived for 17 years. She slowed down a lot in the last year but to me it looked natural age progression. I was away for the last 5 out of 7 days of her life and feel horrible about it. I don't know if there was anything that could be done differently or not but I keep going over all the possibilities in my mind. Maybe if I would have stayed home...maybe if I would have taken her to the vet on Tuesday. She never seemed to be in pain except for maybe the last breath she took. She died with me laying beside her and I can't get her shuttering image out of my mind. I am having a really tough time not thinking about what could have been different. How do I know if it wasn't something that if I would have taken her to the doctor she would have been okay. Everyone has been so supportive with the questions I have had so thank you.

see question: (My 17 year old cat is dieing. She eats and drinks very little. How can I deal with losing her?) for more details.

thanks for all of the additional support. reading these responses over and over makes me cry a million tears but lessons the guilt. i'm sure with time i will heal.

Answer 1

The average lifespan of a kitty without a home is only 3-5 years. 17 years old is a long life for your cat and it's only because of you that she lived that long. Here's how to compare the age of a cat to the age of a human: At 3, your cat is 21 in human years; at 8, it is 40 in human years; at 14, your cat is 70 in human years; at 17, your cat is 85 years old! Do not blame yourself or feel guilty. Yes, it may have been possible to extend her life through medical intervention, but that doesn't mean that life would have been free of pain. No cat enjoys being put on a different diet, getting medicated or receiving veterinary treatment. They hate it. It's a gift to be able to end our pet's suffering for them. In your case, you kitty passed at a time when she felt most comfortable, protected and loved...right, next to you. She wasn't afraid and she wasn't alone, because of you. She is now at peace, free of pain and sickness. You will have her memory always. Cherish it. That's what will get you through.

Answer 2

Kitties, along with everything, have a limited time on earth. The time they spend here is precious and we cherish every second of it. When the end comes, you are losing a friend and family member. There is nothing you can do to prevent it except making them as comfortable as possible. Be comforted in the fact that you kitty did not reach the end of her life alone outdoors or in an overcrowded shelter. You provided a loving home for her, and she couldn't have asked for better than that. Rememer all the good times and funny moments you had before she got ill, and think about making a memorial for her like a scrapbook or a "Rainbow Bridge" poem framed with her picture on it. Talk to friends and family that love pets and share your feelings with them...it can take some of the wieght off your shoulders. Take a bubble bath, eat some chocolate, take off of work, and do anything that makes you feel better. There is no need to feel any guilt about losing your kitty, after 17 years of good care. If you get another kitty, just learn from your past experiences and have it checked out once or twice a year so you get a diagnosis. It will not prevent your kitty from leaving you eventually, but it will give you a piece of mind knowing what had happened. If it is not too late, you may be able to have a vet look at your kitty and diagnose the problem. It may just be best to bury her or cremate her and let the grieving process begin. My heart and prayers are with you, and even my dog just whined...I think she was giving her condolences!

Answer 3

First of all let me tell you how sorry I am for your lost. I know that blaming yourself is the easiest thing to do. But honestly it is not your fault. Your cat lived a good long time and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it, this is life's natural progression. Perhaps if you had took her to the vet the vet would have suggested you put her down but the fact is that that is in the past. I am sure that she didnt feel betrayed or unloved because she stayed with you until her last breath. Let go of the guilt and hold on to the memories. Good luck

Answer 4

A cat that lives 17 years is a miracle. Awesome. I'm sure that you gave her a great life when you were able to be with her, and I'm sure she understood that you had to be away from her before she passed away. Cats are like that, very supportive and understanding. I hope that you accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your cat, and that you are able to move past the loss, and remember the good times, which I'm sure there were many of. And really, what could the vet have done for her if you had taken her? Probably not much, except make her comfortable until she died. She was able to pass away lying next to someone she loved, and knowing that their loving concern would carry her across the rainbow bridge.

Answer 5

I answered your question yesterday. I am so sorry to hear that she passed away. You don't need to feel quilty, she lived a long life and it's obvious that you loved and cared for her. I think if you have any questions that you need answered as to the cause of her death, you could have a necropsy performed by you vet, it could settle your mind as to all the what if's you are experiencing. But that is normal. We always want to change a situation to be able to have the outcome that we really want. Life does not always work that way. You were with her to the end, you comforted her and she left his world knowing she was loved deeply. I think you need to give yourself a pat on the back, not many people are willing to do that with their pets. It's easy to pass the sick animal on to the vet, let them put it to sleep and be done with it. You shared her last moment with her. Give yourself some time. Most of us are not in anykind of a relationship with anyone for 17 years, so this loss is going to take time to heal. Do something, even if it's small, in her memory. It could be making a donation to a shelter, planting a tree/bush in her favorite part of the yard, or getting your favorite picture of her enlarged and specially framed. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 6

Your sweet kitty waited for you to be home, by her side, before she died, because that's how she wanted to go. 17 is a long, good life, and she's much better going in her sleep than after traumatic visits to the vet, medications, x-rays, etc. after which the vet would have just told you she was old and it was time to go.

When I was 17, my mother's 18 year-old cat died the same way yours did. Can you imagine? My mother had had the cat longer than she had had me! It was very sad for all of us, but the pain eased with time, as it will for you.

Answer 7

Sorry for your loss.....

OK, you can stop punishing yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You will only make this worse if you continue to lament over this. The only thing a vet could/would have done is euthanize the cat, and stuck you with a big bill. Then you would have had to live with putting your cat to sleep. I suggest getting another one. It seems like you like them, so why not? Time will ease the pain, but I suggest you remember the good times. 17 years of them!

Answer 8

Try to forgive yourself - think about it, when you think of friends who have had pets or family members die, what is the first thing they think? Exactly what you are saying here - was it my fault? It is a human trait to wonder if it was your fault, if you could have done something differently.

The truth is, 17 is a grand old age for a cat, and I'm sure she lived a wonderful life with you. It must have been hard to see her die, that image that is staying with you, was traumatic. Try to remember other, happier times with your kitty, and absolve yourself of any guilt - you did the best you could for her under the circumstances.

Answer 9

Stop blaming yourself, there is nothing you could have done differently. Loosing a pet is like loosing a child. You need time to grieve. I think she was lucky to have someone who loved her so much. She had a good life, seventeen years is a long time for a cat so you must have been taking good care of her. She will still be with you in your heart, just take time for you to heal and grieve. My heart goes out to you, I had a kitty I loved dearly die in my arms, it was horrible! I know you said your husbands family is allergic but another kitten in a few months would help ease you pain. Good luck to you and best wishes.

Answer 10

17 years is a good old age for a cat, I would say you gave her a happy life and she lived a long time, so well done on being a great owner. Don't feel guilty, death comes to us all and when we our time is up it is up, nothing can change that. I hope my cats live to be 17. Grief is a natural thing, but you have nothing to feel guilty about.