How much access to our 2 year old son is acceptable?

Question

This is a follow on from my previouse question.My partner and I have split up and are trying to make arrangements for our 2 year old son.Neither of us has behaved badly towards one another we just dont get on but my ex is an excellent father.I am prepared to be fairly flexible regarding access to my son but I do think we need to establish a routine for him,and I dont want my ex just turning up when he feels like it without prior notice.Is this acceptable?

I would never stop my ex seeing his son,and I realise nothing is set in stone with any routine we decide on,I'm hoping he will actually spend more quality time with our son now he no longer has him "on tap" so to speak.Mt partner used to leave for work at 7 in the morning and come home at 7 at night,have his dinner,I would put the baby to bed at 8 and then my partner would go to bed by ten.My son didn't see a great deal of his dad.

Answer 1

If he is a good dad then I think you should be as amicable about the whole thing and positively encourage lots of contact so that your son sees as much of his dad as possible. I guess alot depends on if you are both living in the same town or not. If he wants to pick him up to take him out a couple of time a week then also see him at weekends then you should agree. Its seems that you are more concerned about spur of the moment visits which is perfectly understandable as you don't want to be sitting around waiting all the time thinking that he may come round. Just explain that he can see him whenever he likes for as long as he likes but that you would like to have a little notice so that you can also plan things and if you make arrangements then visa versa so he can plan things. Also this allow you to 'prepare you son for visits' This is the best way and in time the two of you will realise that you are not playing any games about contact and that you will both be flexible. In years to come your son will decide and then both of you have to respect his wishes. I respect you for being so mature at a time when we automatically are thinking of ways to hurt the other person but take it from me this is how I did it and my daughter has a great relationship with both of us and never sees us argue over contact. Now she is ten and often decides when she wants to go visiting dad. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

A child needs order in its life especially after a break up. You can sort out regular meetings between your son and his father, so that all know when and what time etc. If you discuss them before hand then you can come to some amicable arrangement. If your ex really loves your son he will see the sense of routines and structure to your childs life and abide by them. Nothing is set in stone as any future arrangements could be changed slightly to accomodate all if need be. The essence is to make your son feel secure and loved and therefore you both should continue to put his best interests foremost

Answer 3

You should make every attempt to allow your child's father to spend AS MUCH time as possible with your son. Boys need a father figure and if your Ex is a excellent father, you should encourage his participation. If he wants to be with your son several times a week, I would let him. Of course it is easier for everyone if there is a pre-set schedule, but I would not rule out a spontaneous visit once in a while! When your child is a little older, you might want to consider split custody (split time during a week, or some other similar arrangement). You need to continue to speak nicely and treat each other well. Do not put your son in the middle of your disagreements.

Answer 4

It depends really, but the father usually gets weekend access.
As he is not at school yet you obviously see him a lot midweek so it would be reasonable for your ex to want to have him at weekends.
Once he gets to school age you could arrange for your ex to pick him up from school on a Friday and bring him home on Sunday morning. That way your son's sleep pattern should remain the same and you get some weekend time with him too. Your ex could take him out one evening midweek to, to even things out.
What you must consider is your son, and how confusing all this will be for him, so try and make things as easy and comfortable as possible, it's surprising how adaptable kids can be. Good luck with everything, hope it all works out OK.

Answer 5

What a great attitude!! Wish most separated parents could behave in such a caring way. You're obviously both flexible people. Maybe develop a quite open schedule, with a rule to call first, so that it doesn't become difficult. As your son is preschool age and 2 yr olds are adaptable, he will probably enjoy any schedule that is fair and allows him time with both parents. Take the lead from him too, you'll instinctively know what he's comfortable with. I think the specifics should be left to you and your ex (alternate weekends etc).

Answer 6

Requiring prior notice is perfectly acceptable, I personally am a bit against too much routine because sometimes unavoidable circumstances can get in the way of a routine and cause more upset. I think find out what is agreeable to both you and your ex and then make it legal. you need something to fall back on in the future if circumstances change.
You must not forget that you both now have seperate lives, Youe ex cannot expect you to work too much around his hours and the same applies tthe other way round.
Good luck for the future.

Answer 7

normally, when there is visitation being set up between parents and child, the mother gets custodial rights with the father having visitation. normally the father gets the child like 1 evening a week, and ever other weekend. for young children, this works best....older children will let you know more what they want....more or less. you want to keep a routine going though because 2 is a very odd age....they know a lot more than you think and this, if done wrong, will seriously affect them later in life.

Answer 8

The radiation that comes from cellular telephones has proved to be risky to the mind, so i don't experience it is truly well worth the threat. notwithstanding, with health aside, i experience that this relies upon extra on adulthood than age. i comprehend my own 6-year-old son isn't mature sufficient for a cellular telephone yet and is only no longer mature for one for a lengthy time period, yet i does no longer needed criticize a be certain who supplies a smooth newborn a cellular telephone if the youngster changed into mature and responsible sufficient for one. With that being stated, i do not think that a 7-year-old with an usual adulthood factor may be able to manage the duty of a cellular telephone by using any skill. A telephone with information superhighway and texting on it? I now and again get texted random, stupid chain mails by using coincidence and nil.5 of them are written in very undesirable grammar lyk dis u no and comprise words that i do not think a smooth newborn must be uncovered to. i really don't experience a cellular telephone is acceptable for a smooth newborn.

Answer 9

YES to the last part of your question. It seems to me that you are both reasonable people from what you say. I think Dad should be given as much access as is practical to build up and maintain a good relationship with him. Your tolerance will only impress upon your child the love you have for him and as the years pass I am sure you will reap the rewards of a well adjusted loving son that you wil BOTH be proud of.

Answer 10

totally... there should be some sort of guidelines set in writing here. Don't show up at bedtime, don't bring snacks over at dinnertime, etc.

As you're getting along still, you should be able to sit down and come to a mutual agreement on how things should work with the visitation.