The best joke gets 10 points!
2006-07-20 04:49:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ok, as a joke i offer this classic bit from The Simpons:
Homer :
Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please
ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge :
Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa :
Bart, tell dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat products.
Bart:
You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup, Home boy?
Homer :
Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup
like I do every morning.
Marge :
Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer :
Bart thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge :
Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I
heard what you said.
Homer :
Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart :
Ah, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer :
Bart, go to your room.
ok this is the best i can do on an empty stomach! Just me reminding you of that funny classic show should be worth ten points.... luvcyn - does Asia watch the Simpsons? Just the thought of Homer or that show makes me laugh! How about you? :-) :-) :-) :-)
2006-07-20 10:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by zigzagidiot 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Elephant's Memory
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in his native Kenya after graduatingfrom college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth, banging Mkele's head along the railing, killing him. Probably wasn't the same elephant.
2006-07-20 11:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jake S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the joke expert..here's one:
No Viagra Necessary
An embarrassed man goes to see his doctor after several frustrating nights with his wife. “I have a sexual problem, doc, I can’t get it up for my wife anymore,” he mumbles. "I think I may need Viagra or something."
The doctor replies, “Don't get ahead of yourself Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”
The next day the worried man returns with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the doctor says. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down, please. Uh-huh, I see. OK, you may put your clothes back on.”
The doctor takes the husband aside and says, “You’re in perfect health. Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”
2006-07-20 12:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by lonnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does a cow eat?
answer: hay
what does a Gay cow eat?
Answer: heyyyyyyyyy
why couldn't 50 cent play X-Box?
he was missing THE GAME
why was the mushroom invited to all the parties?
because he was such a fungi (fun guy)
why couldn't g-unit get on the bus?
they were missing 50 cent(s)
why does a golfer always carry 2 pairs of pants?
Incase he gets a hole in one...
lol i hope these jokes made u laugh!!!
2006-07-20 11:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by chaldo2luv91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's some,
1- What kind of cheese isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese!
------------------------------...
2- What do you call a smelly teletubby?
Stinky Winky!
------------------------------...
3- Why did the witch put a watch at the end of her broom stick?
Cuz she wanted time to fly.
------------------------------...
4- Doctor, Doctor !! My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!
------------------------------...
5- Why did the duck try to cross the road?
to show his girlfriend he had guts
------------------------------...
6- the 7 dwarfs were in the tub feeling happy so happy got up and left!
------------------------------...
7- Man comes into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is in bed with cold cream on and wearing curlers. "Honey," the man announces, "this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache."
The wife looks annoyed and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."
The man replies, "You old fool! I wasn't talking to you!"
------------------------------...
8- A marine and a soldier were driving down the same road, both talking on a phone. They got into a terrible crash, and there cars were totaled, but none of them got hurt. The marine produced a bottle of alcohol and said:"Well, we're both to blame and we're okay, so why don't we drink this bottle of wine and bury the hatchet?" The soldier said okay, so the marine gave him the bottle and he drank half of it and offered it to the marine. The marine said:" I'll wait for the cops to show up first."
2006-07-20 13:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by COP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back in 1942 there was a guy who got married and had kids... his name? Jo Momma. Teehee that was the worst attempt at a homemade joke ever.
2006-07-20 11:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by Golgo-13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a bear and a rabbit lived in the woods and they hated one another one day as they passed each other in the woods a magical frog spoke to them and told them they can each have 3 wishes. the bear wished first and wished for all the bears in the woods to be females. the frog closed his eyes and said done. the rabbit wished for a crash helmet, the frog closed his eyes and said done. The bear was dumbfounded by his wish but didnt care. The bear then wished for all the bears in the land be female. the frog closed his eyes and said done. the rabbit then wished for a motorbike. the frog closed his eyes and magically a bike appeared. The bear then wished for all the bears in the world be female the frog did his thing and said done. then the rabbitt got on his bike and as he drove away he wished for the bear to be gay.
2006-07-20 13:02:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there were three men on a mountain.one Mexican, one french,and one American.suddenly a Ginni appeared and said that they could each have a wish.all they had to do was jump off and say it.so the French man ran and jumped off saying"bird".and he turned into a bird and flue away.the Mexican ran and jumped off saying "fish".and he turned into a fish and fell into a stream.then the American ran, tripped over a rock and said"crap".
2006-07-20 11:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by funny_bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really tasteless joke:
I was dating this girl once.
She asked me : "are you a pedophile?"
I looked at her in shock:
" Whoa, that's a big word for a 13 year old!!"
2006-07-20 19:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by Jmyooooh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's one my friend sent me today. It's funny! Enjoy!
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7777/Beginning.htm
2006-07-22 16:46:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋