how do you discipline a child besides smacking?

Question

and how do you top them having tantrums!?

Answer 1

by letting them know who is in charge...

lots of eye contact backed up with words..

and lots of loving when they are being good!

ignore bad behaviour..reward good....bit like the way you would treat a man ;)

Answer 2

In my opinion, smacking is the absolute last thing you should do. I know from experience that it can cause some resentment later on in life.

I think the most effective punishments are:
1. Ignoring the child - Kids hate to be ignored. When you yell at a kid, they're winning, because all a kid wants is attention. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad attention. Often, a tantrum can be solved by walking out of the room.
2. Time Out - It's hackneyed, but it works. Put the child in their room, or another room, making sure they have no toys or other fun things. This is another form of ignoring a child, and they will start to realize that their crying, whining and fits aren't accomplishing what they want them to.

Answer 3

Depending on the age of your child there arealternatives. Spanking teaches kids to spank. Look at the causes of the unwanted behavior. If the cause is for not getting something they want, then probably best to ignore the tantrum. Not getting what iswanted is enough. If tantrums are related to fatique or hunger, then be proactive and anticpate the need. Rember children are not litlle adults and the tantrum may be related to expectations we put out that they are too small to understand or comply with. Try time outs or taking away priviledges if they are out. Try not to disciplined out of personal anger but as someone with a responsible to do what is best for the child not for ourselves.

Answer 4

If it is a really young child (toddler or younger) I find that distraction is the best intervention. An older kid , like 4-5, needs redirection too, but a time out is good. Be prepared for tantrums while in time out. If the kid is older, take away privledges. Most importantly be consistent, have rules that are fair and clear to the child, and don't make threats that you know you won't keep. Otherwise it really doesn't matter what you do to discipline.

Answer 5

A time out chair facing a corner. Also, when they start losing those precious things to them, favorite toy, video games, telephone privileges, TV privileges, etc...it's starts getting their attention. The hardest part is for the parent to NOT back down. Just keep telling your child that they may not realize it right now, but when they get older they will know that you did what you had to do because you loved them.
Also, when they are having a tantrum - completely ignore them and start playing with their favorite toy. A child often cries and throws a fit to get what they want. When a parent gives in, a child recognizes that crying works. Don't fall into that trap! And, never, ever send a child to bed without supper!

Answer 6

Depends on how old the child is. If they are having "tantrums" I hope it's not older than 5. I'm not one of those parents who never spanks their child...the bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child". In this system we have today, our kids are running willy nilly because we aren't "allowed" to discipline them. That's crap. Sometimes a child needs a good @ss whipping (but only on the butt). But to answer your question, the most important thing is to be consistient. If you say "the next time you throw that ball against the wall I'm going to take it away" then the next time he does it, take the ball away, no more talking about it. Making empty threats/promises is the main reason children misbehave (this is my number one bad parenting mistake). Don't make over-exaggerated consequenses like "if you don't stop I'm keeping you in the house until Christmas" and it's now July. Unless you are truly capable of keeping the child in the house until Christmas (chances are you aren't). See my point?

Take things away for bad behavior...special trips, toys, treats (but never dinner, withholding food should never be a punishment unless the offense is throwing food rather than eating it. You don't want to create a eating disorder in the child). And make sure you pay attention when the child does something good. Give rewards and prizes, even stickers (depending on the age) for good behavior. But again, be consistent. That's the most important thing.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Use time outs. When the child misbehaves, say simply "that's one". If they continue "that's two" and then if needed "that's three, time out". Put the child in a room that is safe, but extremely boring (no telly, no toys - maybe a living room or lounge) - leave them there for 1 minute per year of the child's age (so 5 minutes if the child is 5). If they attempt to leave the room, firmly hold the door shut from the other side. It is harsh, but the child is completely safe. After the time out, let them out and make no mention of their misdeeds. Simply go on as normal unless they act up again.

When you are out and about, this is different as you don't have a handy room to stick them in when they misbehave. You may have to employ a sticker chart if they are young enough. Split your outing into equal increments of, say 10-20 minutes depending on length of outing - make up a chart on a piece of paper to take with you. For every increment that they are good, award a sticker on your homemade chart (let them choose which stickers they want, it makes it funner for them). If they are bad, put an unhappy face or a similar mark on that space and go on. Do not dwell on their misdeeds, say simply "perhaps you'll do better next time" - only reward and acknowledge their good behaviour. Assign a reward if they get a set amount of stickers (say 4 out of 6 or something like that). Let the reward be a colouring book, a small toy, a ride on one of those coin operated do-hickeys or something like that (but not anything food related).

The trick is to only reward good behaviour and not to draw too much attention to the bad behaviour.

Answer 8

I have a 2 year old son and what I have realised is the best thing is to talk gently but in a firm tone so that the child knows they have done something wrong.

I started this off with my son from an early age and so far it has worked well. As a single parent it is difficult at the start, but it does pay off eventually.

Also, the other thing I do is take away his favourite toy, or not letting him watch his favourite tv programme.

Answer 9

Let them have the tantrum, but remove them from the situation where the tantrum began.
Negative reinforcement is the best discipline. This means to take something away from them that they really like, (such as a favorite toy, a favorite snack, t.v. time, games, etc...) and return it when certain provisions are met.

Answer 10

Well setup something nice to do that day for them like read their favourite book or go to the park / zoo what ever they like. But if they start misbehaving you can threaten to take it away from them because "your not being very nice, I only give nice things to nice people" etc . Start off with weak threats that gradually get stronger and of course you will sometimes have to carry out that threat depending on how much they push you.

As long as the tantrum isnt over anything serious like injury, real danger etc HOLD YOUR NERVE as tightly as you can and ignore it whilist telling them "only babies get things when they cry and you are not a baby!" etc.

Answer 11

You tell them you hear what they are saying, a child has the same right as an adult to get angry and scream and shout when they feel frustrated, smacking is a crime and a belittling action and it astonishes me how many uses it, the ones who needs timeout are the parents who are about to lose it, punishment never works, being heard and having a choice however small is more life supporting, is there any wonder we have war and chaos in the world when we believe it's right to hit children, we can call it smacking and slapping but in the end it's violence and it breeds more. Lock yourself in a room and scream, put yourself in the naughty spot or give yourself time, listen to your child, acknowledge their feelings. Read Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish's excellent books "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" "Liberated parents, liberated children", "Siblings without rivalry" "How to talk so kids can learn at home and in school" Another good tip is to tell your child you are happy he/she is part of the family, they make you laugh/feel good/etc etc by just being, they don't have to be best at something, or fastest, or cleverest etc, in the end what is important is the way a person makes us feel, not what they achieve--that's just extras. Good Luck to you and yes I do give myself time out but never my children.