How do I get my almost 7yr old to sleep in her own bed?

Question

My husband let my youngest child start sleeping with us when she was about 2. Now, she is almost 7 and still gets up in the middle of the night to sleep with us. Even if she falls asleep on the couch, recliner, her bed, her sisters bed...she still comes to our bed. He tells her she has to start sleeping in her own bed but he doesn't reinforce it because its the middle of the night. Nobody is sleeping well. Not only that but she's afraid to sleep at anyone else's house (including my parents house) because I won't be there for her to sleep with. I am so tired and sore from sleeping with her. How can I get my husband to help me move her to her bed and how can I get her to understand she's a big girl and needs to sleep in her own bed?

Answer 1

Man that is a hard one. My advice probably will be frowned upon but from what I hear about you and your husband, maybe the best thing to do (only as a transition) is to get a small bed and put it in your room (while keeping her bed in her bedroom).

This time enforce it and make her sleep in the small bed in your bedroom when and only when she comes in after trying to sleep in her own bed. It must be enforced.

Then work on the “big girl” “little girl” theme for a while… maybe even a few months. I’d make the small bed somewhat undesirable little by little placing things on it, maybe not having a pillow. Maybe some rules that certain things in her own bedroom can’t be taken into your room.

Then I would work real hard to make her bedroom as desirable as possible.

That is a real wimpy solution but let’s face it you guys are wimpy parents.

If the bed is out of the question, I think it falls on your shoulders, mom. This isn’t a “shared” solution. Next time she comes in, take her back to her room and you lay there with her until she goes to sleep. And yeah, eventually you will toughen up, but if this is a shared solution you and your hubby will just be arguing whose turn it is. Let her know there is only one focus and that is mom and the “only” solution is mom in her bedroom. My guess if you do this latter suggestion and “stick to it” then it will be solved in less than two months.

After reading the Italian ice story below, I came up with a third solution.

Tell her you’ll buy her a Ford Mustang if she stays in her room. My guess is that within the next nine years she’ll be sleeping in her own room.

Another bribe… I did this with one of our daughters. This bribe is probably more expensive than the car. We got her a cat to sleep with. The cat wouldn’t sleep with her all night so she started closing the door. If I had to get up in the middle of the night to got to the bathroom, I would open her door and the cat would zoom past like it was being chased by a dog. Now that I think about it… that’s probably inhumane. If they had an answer board for cats back then she was probably posting, “Help! I’m being over loved by a human kid!”

Answer 2

You'll get no judgemental comments from me about co-sleeping with one's children - we have a similar challenge with our children.

Our daughter (also 7) slept in our bed regularly until she was almost 5 - we made a calendar chart and gave her a sticker for each night she stayed in her own bed. When she she made 3 nights in a row, she received a small gift (a box of crayons, a book, etc. - nothing big or expensive) and eventually it became a habit. We offered lots of praise and encouragement - and my husband and I were on the same page about what we were going to do.

We also have a routine every night before bed, for example, listen to some quiet music while dressing for bed, lying in bed together to talk about the day, we would read her a story after she was tucked in and then reinforce the need to stay in bed all night. It won't be easy since it has become a strong habit for her, but it can be done. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Uh oh, BIG problem! You should of enforce that at the age 2 to sleep in her own bed, i suggest you start locking your doors lol or go to her room and read her a book and stay the first few nites in a recliner while she is in her bed and stay until she wakes up the second time then goes abck to sleep then you can creep off to your own bed.

I saw this on Dr. Phil where this woman had the mother read a story to the child then let the mother sleep in the rockin chair and if the child wakes up, stay sleeping and the child will go back to sleep. Do this for a bout a week until she gets usd to it.. if she doesn't... LOCK YOUR DOOOOORSSSSS....

Tell your husband that he has to do something about it and to back u up on what your doing and NOT to give in.

Answer 4

My 3-year-old sleeps with us and has been since the day she was born. I'm fine with it but my hubby hates it. She needs that emotional connection to feel secure. For a while she was falling asleep in her own bed in her own room but she would come in in the middle of the night. Now she has decided she doesn't want to sleep in her bed at all and is back to our bed. Her bed remains untouched. I can tell you no matter what you choose there is going to be alot of tears. Have you tried putting a bed in your room for her to sleep in so she can still be close to you but in her own bed? If you have the space you could even put it right next to your bed so she can feel close but you have your own space. Give her soemthing with your scent on it, like your pillow or a night shirt so she can feel close to you. Bottom line is she's 7, not 2, and she understands everything you tell her. You need to lay down the rules. You are the parent. Explain to her what's going on and how you feel about it. She is human after all and deserves respect for her feelings. Listen to her as well. Aske her what she needs to feel safe and secure at night and tell her being in bed with you is no longer an option. Good luck. I will need it too!

Answer 5

I think this sort of thing is really hard when your dealing with a child's fears. But I would say do this " If you stay in your bed for a night I'll give you an Italian ice" I offered my child an Italian Ice because my daughter Bethany loves Italian ice. then bump it up to 2 after a while then 3 and etc. About the thing she won't spend the night somewhere else, that's completely normal just try and help her to know its safe.

Answer 6

I am right there with you! When I got married to my husband, he was letting his child sleep with him at night. She was 4. It wasn't until she was 6 that she finally stopped. I was miserable with her in there with us. It really affected our relationship and my relationship with her. But back to you: We tried a couple things. When she would come in, we would put her back in her bed. This would go on and led to some sleepless nights, but it was effective in the end. We also used a little bribery in there. We told her that if she would sleep in her bed all night and not come in our room and wake us up for anything, for 5 nights in a row, on the next day we would take her to Dave and Busters or something like that (her choice.). This worked and our problem was solved within a few weeks. We had the same problem about her not wanting to sleep alone at the grandparents house too, but once we fixed her at home, it fixed her there too.

Seriously though, if you don't stop this, it will go on and on. The child will not stop it, you and your husband have to as the adults in this situation. Be firm, but loving, and stick to your guns no matter what. Good luck!

Answer 7

You must talk to your husband. This is something you must do together. You cannot say: This is what he did five years ago - unless you have separate bedrooms of course. You must agree. Child feels when parents do not agree and they go to the one they know they get through with.

If you want her to sleep in her bed. You need to follow her back when she comes in at night. If she cries, so be it. If she is scared or lonely - you can offer to stay with her till she falls asleep. Lay down with her in her bed and pet her back or something that feels safe. You do this every time she comes in.

Eventually she wont come in to you at night - she gets used to feeling safe in own bed. It can take a week or it can take a month. But you must make sure you do not give in. If she feels that there is a possibility that you will give in, she'll do whatever it takes. Of course it is nice for her to sleep with you!

Good luck : )

Answer 8

You have to be strong and you need to be the parent.

Think of it this way, your daughter has to know that when you tell to do something, she is expected to do it (no this is not the same as obeying...this is respecting her parents).

It is your job to be the parent. If you believe that she should be in her own bed, then you must follow through and you need your husband's support.

This is just a small battle in long line of parenting battles. I know it is easier to just let her sleep with you, but If you don't have his support now, imagine when there is a problem with drugs, sex, or alcohol...Good Luck.

Answer 9

well i have a daughter that did the same thing.... and she slept with my sister in the other room and she would come and get in the bed with me and my husband in the middle of the night and kick us all night long .... and so i finally put her a pallet on the floor next to me and she would sleep there for a couble of hours and then get up in the bed with us... so i just went and bought her a brand new bed and she loves it she is 7 and she actually sleep in the all night! i thought i was like a miricle

Answer 10

Sometimes you cannot count on your spouse for help - you gotta just bear down and do it alone! ;-) I don't know if anyone recommended this yet, but I had the same problem with my son. I started by moving him AND ME to his bedroom. We slept together for about a week in his room. Then I slowly started backing out of his room. I slept on his floor for a couple nights in a sleeping bag. Kept moving that farther away. Finally, moved out altogether. I made it clear what we were hoping to accomplish, and I also made it clear that there was no way he was permitted to come in our room again. I emphasized it by giving him a promise for a cool prize if he accomplished our goal. It worked wonderfully, and he is no 12 years old and still in his own room with no worries. Good luck no matter what you try!