the relationship with my mom is like cat and mouse and obviously me being the mouse. she is always angry with me for one reason or another even if its something very minor like not putting my glass in the kitchen after drinking milk. she is divorced and remarried and i am currently living with my mom ans step dad. my step dad is really sweet. he doesnt take anyone's side in an arguments that we have...but if once in a blue moon he does have to choose he chooses my mom over me knowing that fact that she's wrong half the time. things are just getting worse and worse. i seriously want to move out but being an indian living in india its considered "a sin" to do that. any thing...ANYTHING i can do to make my relationship better with her. seriously i would do anything...and please dont tell me about talking to her about it cos i have done it some many times but that only works for a few days only.
2006-07-20 03:48:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sometimes, parents give birth to kids with different temperaments than them. Most of these temperamental characteristics are hardwired into our DNA and changing them is nigh to impossible.
For example, a reticent, quiet, even tempered parent can give birth to a gregarious, outgoing kid who thinks talking to strangers on the street is the most natural thing in the world; yet, it horrifies the parent. Neither is wrong; both are simply displaying their temperamental inclinations.
It sounds like perhaps that might be the case with you. It's unfortunate that your mother is unwilling to "meet you in the middle" so to speak, but that is life, and life is sometimes unfair.
Since you say moving out is out of the question, I would simply tune in on your mom's hot buttons--like replacing the glass in the kitchen when you are finished--and try not to push them.
The important thing is to try really hard not to get stressed out or angry. I know that's hard, but anger will hurt you more inside than it will her. Every time she riles you up, in a way she wins. It sounds like you are reaching the age where moving out will be a possibility. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that the situation you are in is not forever.
2006-07-20 04:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by freedomnow1950 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as tho she's unhappy. And not with you particularly. Just plain unahappy about something. Thus, no matter what you or anyone else does, it will irritate her. Is she kind to your step dad? It doesnt sound as tho it's you she's actually annoyed with.
That's a shame that you cant move out and be independent. I'm confident that would make your life happier.
If she's unable to express the reasons for her discontent, then the only solution seems to be your continued constant discussions. She requires constant reminding of the situation that you're both experiencing.
2006-07-20 11:08:34 · answer #2 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds unpleasant. But here is a suggestion. First, realize that as much as you would like to, you probably can't change your mom. Second, try to realize that even if your mom is unfairly critical of you, there is nothing forcing you to feel bad about it. Of course, it is only natural to feel bad about it, but it is possible to choose to let it go, not take it personally, and just try to go with the flow. It only takes one person to say something unkind, but it takes two to argue about it. I'll bet you could have a better relationship if you just accept that that is the way she wants to be now, for whatever reason, but that you can control your feelings and not get upset about anything at all that she says. In any given moment in time, you can choose to be happy. And when the next moment in time comes along, you can choose to be happy in that moment too.
2006-07-20 10:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by Larry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to forget all of that "sin to leave" business. It is 2006 and some old world customs just dont apply to today's living. You are an individual which means you are seperate. You can try and try, but if someone is ignorant towards you, what shall you do? Leave!
Be strong and stay with other family or friends. You have options. Just because you are indian doesn't mean you are inferior to your mom.
2006-07-20 10:56:37 · answer #4 · answered by tiger_skratch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Take her to a physician to check whether she is suffering from hypertension (blood pressure)
2. She may doing these things, to get rid of you, as she wants to have sex with your step father in a free atmosphere.
3. She is considering you as a wall between your step father and her self.
4. You should know all are selfish in this world. You mom is one of them.
5. It is better, if you leave her for the better.
6. You cannot change your selfish mother in any manner.
Sorry, you are one of the victims of peculiar circumstance.
2006-07-20 11:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem you do, but with my father though....I haven't been talking to him for 2 weeks now.....We live in the same house, i am the one who tries to avoid him because i know that if i stay with him for 2 minutes an argument will start, even for the most stupid things you can't even imagine! Is just that he can't get adatpted to the idea of me growing up.......He told me that i have changed so muchhh, well of course i am a grown up, i am not a little girl anymore, eventhough for him i will always be 5 years old.....Like you said even you not taking the glass to the kitchen she'll get pist at you for that..........I don't know how to help you on this...But in my chase i know how to help myself, and that would be to AGREE with my father in everything he does or says....Is just that, it will never happen, i have my own ideas my own opinions.........Same problem with me, i can't move out of the house by myself until i get married, because it would be a " sin " yes but even other relatives will be talking bad about my family........B.S liKe this i hate it.......
Like you said talking to her will only work for two days than everything will go back to where it was with arguments.....I mean Just try and give her space, maybe that's what she wants.......Don't be so much into her for everything........Try and act more mature maybe that's what she wants to see in you.........Like i said if it was for me i'll know how to resolve this with my father, JUst AGREEE with him..........I'm sorry you're going through that with your mom, but beleive me it will pass....Just give it sometime.............
2006-07-20 11:12:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lesley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a hate love relat with my mom not sure if your a kid or adult.im 38 and have never got along with mom, now i work for her my experience is i cant fix it if she thinks nothings wrong she got remarrierd when i was 13. she did what ever he wanted like kick me out 5 months preg. she put him over me always. now i really dont like her. if we could of fixed it years ago maybe. now i dont see it happen. which is very sad. dont give up and pick your battles. and when and if u have kids make a promise to your self to make your relationship with your daughter at least 50% better.
hope this helps some
2006-07-20 11:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by robin w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's too bad you just can't talk to your mother but I'm afraid that is the only solution. Speaking as a mother myself, in my experience, I came to realize that when I was not happy, perhaps had something troubling on my mind, or if I was stressed out, I tended to take it out on my daughter. It was not intentional though and I have learned not to take my problems out on her now. I guess I can only advise you to try to be understanding and not take it personally but although you said don't tell me to talk to her, it is the only thing that you can do to try to become closer to her.
2006-07-20 10:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what worked with my mom- is finding a common interested. Something we can do together without killing each other. Is there anything your mother likes that you can do together and bond over? Like taking a pottery or doll making class? Offer to pay for it for her birthday or a gift.... My and my mother do flea markets together, we have since I was a teenager- it's the one thing we can do without fighting or killing each other. And my mother sounds like your mother "a none talker".
2006-07-20 10:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sought the advice of your stepdad? Sounds like he would be very supportive and want to help better the relationship between you and your mom. How lucky you are to have him in your life. Seek his support and go from there.
2006-07-20 10:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by viclyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋