I'm a recovering alcoholic but am losing faith because I'm so lonely. Why does God want me to be so lonely

Question

I'm a recovering alcoholic and have been going to AA meetings for 3 years. I previously had a period of sobriety in my life that lasted 9.

I relapsed during the past 3 years several times, and my belief is God is the only think that has kept me away from a drink. I've been sober a while, but I'm losing faith quickly.

The reason is that I'm very lonely. I haven't managed to make any friends, my ex-girlfriend left me a year ago and is sober now, and has tons of friends.

I have found women in recovery aren't interested in men in recovery, and women outside of AA don't want to date a recovering alcoholic.

I try very hard to trust that God has a plan for happiness for me some day, but I'm so lonely I haven't been happy for a year.

Why does God want me to be so lonely?

Answer 1

This is a good article and Bible study on it - http://www.secretmotive.com/biblestudy/loneliness.asp

Loneliness
By KJ the Super Jesus Freak

What is Loneliness? - Feeling alone; solitary. Being apart from someone or something.

What can you do to not be lonely? - Exodus 2:21-25; 1 Kings 19:9-18

Remember, God is always there. He knows when you're and if you just ask him to comfort you and to give you peace, he will (God may want you to see something). God didn't create us to be alone in this world, he wants us to know that he's always here for us. Here are three quick steps that might help soothe your loneliness:


Pray. Always pray about everything, just ask God to comfort you in your time of loneliness and that he will protect you from Satan trying to attack you while you are at your weakest.

Keep Busy. After praying, keep yourself busy. This will take your mind off the fact that you're lonely and before you know it you'll realize you never where alone and that God was there all along as well.

Be a friend. Befriend somebody who seems to be lonely or help a friend that seems to be dealing with loneliness. (Proverbs 14:20-21; 18:24)


Was Jesus ever alone?

Yes, even our Savior was lonely or alone at one point in his human life. In Mark 15:33-39, Christ yells out in a loud voice, "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?" To forsake means to leave or to abandon. So, for a few moments Christ knew what it was like to be alone in this world as we do sometimes. As you noticed even Christ turned to God when he was lonely.
In Isaiah 46:4, God tells us how long he will be with us and what he is going to do for us.


"I will be your God throughout your lifetime - until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you."
- Isaiah 46:4

So if you ever fell lonely, as we all sometimes do, and you feel like there is no where else to turn and no one to talk to, remember "a real friend sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Sometimes our Christian friends leave and we are left all alone, or so it seems, but Jesus is there and he'll be there forever and ever. Christ knows exactly how you feel and he wants to be there for you in your time of despair. He wants to have a relationship with you………………………let him, you'll be glad you did and you won't be alone anymore.

Answer 2

As long as "recovery" is the major focus of your life, you may have to put off finding a girlfriend. Is this something that you feel compelled to tell everyone about? If so, no wonder you're not having any luck.

I didn't want to enter a relationship needy or settle for someone who was needier than me; I waited for three years until I was comfortable in my sobriety and had something to offer another person. The result is that I'm happily married to a woman who doesn't drink (never cared for it), who is supportive.

If God is keeping you away from drinking, get more involved with church, you'll find a better class of people upstairs than in the basements. You sound like you've been beaten down; AA has a habit of doing that to people. As long as you identify with losers, others will see you as a loser. Religion can give a person a better self image (and I'm saying that despite being an atheist).

Answer 3

Aww - well that seems like a sad thing - but the fact that your faith has gotten you so far is wonderful. Just b/c women don't want to DATE you, doesn't mean you have to be lonely! You don't have to settle for what seems ideal - I mean sometimes God has such great plans, but we seem to pass them by. Try talking to men and make friends with them (those in recovery) - you could probably make a great buddy. And you don't have to be "with" someone just to get away from loneliness - most relationships make you feel even worse - esp. when they're over. So try for friendships that will last regardless. And yeah, it's not GOD who wants you to be lonely - I think it's just a sign for you to 1. search harder and 2. go for something you wouldn't usually try. Often we are so closed minded when it comes to socializing and getting to know others, that we miss out on really seeing the other people who walk the face of this earth! :) Try it! It'll probably work! :)

Answer 4

You got the same problems you started with before quitting the drinking,it's just that now you have to live without the social lubricant that got you through the day.You need to re-adjust to life without alcohol and to start growing up,which is difficult for everyone.As an alcoholic you stop maturing at the same time as you started drinking,so you should think about when you started drinking and realize that that is your actual maturity level.On the bright side you can gain those lost years of maturity relatively quickly unless your like myself and like to wallow in your own self-pity(after 5yrs.sober,I think I've finally gotten on track).Leave the women of A.A. alone they are there to get help not for dating(well some are)and they are sick too.Think about it;would you go to an insane asylum and try to pick up chicks,and if you did,don't you think that you'd be in for some sort of trouble down the road.One last thing,God or no God,loneliness is your own doing,it may be hard,but you can find activities to do and people to meet outside of the bar scene you just have to find things that interst you and go do them,until you meet someone that shares your interests.

I have been in your shoes.My first year I never missed a meeting.I stopped going after that and 5 years later,my life started to re-adjust to living life.I am now 8yrs. sober and life is finally getting good.It all takes time,patience and a willingnes to change.

Good luck with all that,it's a bumpy roller-coaster ride,but well worth the ticket price.

Answer 5

The whole AA creed is based on placing your faith in a higher power. Which I am sure you know.

God doesn't want you to be lonely, but maybe it is just not your time yet to be with someone. If you have faith, which it sounds like you do, then you know he has a plan for you.

Not to belittle you, but speaking from experience, have you gone to a psychiatrist? It could be that you are suffering from depression, that does occur from/with alcoholism. Find a psychiatrist, and speak to them about your unhappiness. They may have a way to help you.

And congratulations on your sobriety, I know you will continue to work towards it.

Good luck

Answer 6

God does not want you to be lonely to make you mad but maybe he wants you to reflect on how things are going for you now that you are not drinking Have you thought that he does not want you with a woman at this time so you can completely get yourself right . You were sober for 9 years that is an accomplishment, what caused you to go back on the bottle? Was it a woman you were seeing? I know from first hand experience that God has good things in store for us but we may have to go through some hard times first. Why not try asking Him waht it is He wants from you now? He would definetely know more than you or I. Do not wallow in self pity or things could get worse. Have you heard the saying that God helps those who help themselves. By the way I think you have done a great job being sober, Please for love of God keep up the good work

Answer 7

Oh dear, it's really sad!

But don't give up hope!

You've made your very first step by giving up on alcohol, and God loves to see His children trying their best to give up sins or bad habits...

It it true when sometimes we feel God isn't there at all and that he probably left us.

This is untrue!

God loves us too much to allow that to happen...

Perhaps now God is giving you tests to test your faith!

Find joy in God and hang onto the promiise

"I will not leave you nor forsake you..."

God Bless You! =)

Remember, God loved you so much that he sent his son to die for you... He will have a wonderful plan for you!

Answer 8

God doesn't want anyone to be lonely. I haven't struggled with the same things that you have, but I have experienced lonliness. God says in the Bible that He is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

It the darkest, most alone times in my life I called out to Him and He took away my lonliness in the most wonderful ways. Sometimes it was through a new person I met, sometimes it was someone I hadn't talked to in a long time calling to say they missed me, and sometimes He would just send His peace to my heart and tell me this was only a season in my life.

Congrats on staying sober as long as you have. I have struggled with other addictions and know that God can fill the void in your life that they leave.

I will pray that He brings a special person into your life to help with the lonliness. He already knows who that person is.

Answer 9

God is either telling you that you are not ready, or telling you to get out and do somthing about your lonelyness.

You are lonely because you have not met the woman that awaits you. She is somewhere wondering where you are. Set up a personal ad, on the internet. Tell everyone your story, all your interests, and what is great about you. She will see your ad, and send you an E-mail.

Don’t be like so many of my fiends whom are lonely. They sit around hoping for some 105 lb blonde bombshell to show up at their doorstep. Find someone that is fun to be with. Don’t worry so much about how she will look in front of your friends.

Answer 10

God doesn't want you to be lonely! AA is only PART of the answer. We learn thru AA how to LIVE. How to live sober and enjoy life. Call your local AA hot line to find out about AA sponsored events, such as sober dances, picnics, and outings! I found great contentment using the program as a guide to live life, but it wasn't easy. It took alot of prayer and work. I used to feel lonely, too, but found that I wasn't so much lonely as I was just unsure of what I was supposed to do with myself!! We get sober and go through that "pink cloud" phase, then sometimes we land very hard! I looked to my Sponsor for answers, and went to alot of tables, feeling like I wanted to be anyone BUT me! I felt like, well here I am sober doing the next right thing, where is this happiness I should be feeling? I found out that the only thing that could make me happy was me. My Sponsor had me get more involved in the program, making coffee, chairing meetings, setting up and cleaning up afterwards. I did these things grudgingly, and had a HUGE resentment. But after a while, I found a certain kind of serenity in it. This helped me to meet people that I otherwise wouldn't have spoken to. I began to make friends in the program. I also had to realize that AA is NOT a singles club, and that I really didn't need a relationship until I was ok with MYSELF. I asked my Higher Power to put someone in my life when it was meant to be. Then practiced PATIENCE. Hard lesson to learn, that things happen in God's time, not man's. So, God doesn't want you to be lonely; He wants good things for you. Maybe this is your opportunity to learn more about yourself. Hang in there. Trust in your Higher Power. Don't think, don't drink and go to lots of meetings!!