How should I raise my children?

Question

My problem is this. My wife is a Christian, I am an atheist. She wants to raise the child Christian, which I am for in part because of the basic rules of being good to each other and commandments and all that. I'm opposed because I don't want my child brainwashed to believe in the rest of the nonsense (no offense to those of you that think it's not) and don't want to have to go to church but also don't want the child to be asking "Why doesn't daddy go to church?" The problem is retaining the balance of not having to suffer through church, pissing my wife off, and letting her have her way as well. We don't have children yet, just planning ahead. Help?

I married my wife because religion isn't important to me. She can believe what she wants. She doesn't agree with my point of view, but she doesn't try and convert me either. She understands where I am coming from when I point out contraversies and hypocrisy in the bible, but she has yet to take the wool off her eyes so to speak.

I don't think Christianity is right. I just think SOME of the things it teaches are right. I also think you can learn those SOME things by just being good parents and can leave religion completely out of your life.

Answer 1

Wow, this is a tough one. I can understand the not wanting to hear, "Why doesn't daddy go to church" but then also you shouldn't be coerced into going to church or end up going to church just to put on a good image for the kids because when they get older and start to question the faith that the two of you will have installed you will only be able to tell them that you don't believe and this will only confuse them more. Perhaps the best thing you can do when/if you have children is to instill the knowledge that faith is a matter of choice and let them experience your wife's faith with her but know that when they are older the choice is theirs and that both of you will support and love them regardless of the path they choose.

Answer 2

you should have thought about this BEFORE you got married.

is she really Christian, like southern Baptist or is she catholic?

if she is southern Baptist, then she is brain washed and you are screwed.

if she is Catholic then it should not be as bad - they don't pay attention to the teachings of the Bible anyway - they pick and choose the parts they want to believe in.

Skipping church shouldn’t be a big deal. Tell wifey that if she want the kids Christian then SHE can teach them instead of going to some cult meeting (church). Church, especially catholic church, has very little to do with God or the Bible and children will not learn anything there.

If you are an "educated atheist" then you should know some facts about religion:

1> there are over 70 different religions, most dating back well before the stories of Jesus and all have similar characters. Mary, for example, they all have a virgin with a name very similar to "Mary."
2> the first book of the Bible was written close to 100 years after Jesus died.
3> the bible has been interpreted, censored, and translated so many times that the book currently known as The Bible contains many things that the original writings did not and is missing many things that the original contained.


I would also teach my children to respect people's beliefs. History and science can no more prove as it can disprove Christianity.

It is also important to teach your children to make decisions based on facts and logic and not be ruled by knee-jerk emotional impulses. Analyze. Question everything. Think for him/herself.

Answer 3

Since Christianity preaches a form of brotherly love (not always practised by most, but that's basically what the lessons are about) it's not like you would be doing harm allowing that faith to take precedence over another.

The fact that you are not practising yourself will only go to show your kid that Christianity is not the only choice, that god will NOT strike you dead if you aren't a "good christian", and that everything in life should be taken with a grain of salt - so to speak.

My mother was of a faith that preached that a child is of no set religion until they are 14. They are encouraged to go out into the world and experience all faiths and then make the choice that is right for them. This is a bit hypocritical of course for probably obvious reasons, but none the less, it's a pretty sound philosophy.

Don't worry about it - be a good person and a good husband and a good father and everything will fall together just as it should.

Answer 4

Well don't get mad, but she should have never married you. Sorry the Bible is explict in these matters about being "unequally yoked".
And the problem you wrote about is part of it. You want you children ( future) to be raised right- yet you won't accept the truth staring you in the face.
And aren't you brainwashed as well- just to the other side?
I wonder why she doesn't want her children raise in the atheist beliefs?
Sorry if I sound offensive, because I do not want to come across that way, and I truly believe your beliefs ( or lack of ) are your business. But you did ask.
My advice, if you are still reading this, sit down and open the Bible, going to the New Testatment, starting with John, and read what your wife believes and what you secretly want you children to believe.
There is truth in the red letters, there is love in the red letters... ( dc Talk ) and you guessed it, the song is called: Red Letters.

Answer 5

In the first place, the good thing is that both of you don't have a child, well I encourage you not to until both agree to the same thing.

But let me put it this way, of you wife was a drug attic, and you were not, would you still considered racing your child next to a drug attic? I'm sure you wouldn't. So trying to raised a child in the church is not a bad things as I have seen in many other cases, at list this child will be though that there is a God, and because of that fear, the child will depart from doing wrong things. Let me explain you a real thing that happened in my life.

I've been a Christian quite a while, and my husband was not, he has a child which I am not his mother, so I had no right to bring this child with me to know God, so one day I offered my husband child to come with me to church so he can know other youth and stay away from the streets, television, computer, or games. So this child agree to go with me and he was exited about it. Then my husband opposed to that, and say that he will never go with me to church. So the child never did, this child grow up getting in trouble in the streets because he had nothing to do, but hang out, boys from the streets was the only thing he had. So this child today is in jail, maybe for about 3 years, and all because my husband hold him to go to church. Believe it or not, this is true. I'm sure that if this child would had grown in the fear of God, he would had graduated from school and not have been in jail. I have three of my own, all grown in church, my oldest is a City counselor, my daughter is a nurse, and my youngest has his own recording studios. Never tested drugs, never walk in the street, they were to busy to do that with the youth at church, never were involved in fight, still or what so ever.
So tell me, what wrong can it go if you let your wife bring your child to church.
Think about it. I am not scaring you, you will be the father, you do what you think is best.

God bless you.

Answer 6

It's going to be tough if your wife is brainwashed.

I am amazed that you married someone like this. As an atheist I could never marry a Christian. To me someone who believes in magic beings that can read your thoughts, and all the other crap in the Bible must be really stupid. It would scare me to have kids with someone that thinks like that.

Maybe you should strike a deal that the kids only go to church half the time. She takes them one week, the following week you take them somewhere useful and do something with them. That way the kids are not being subjected to the tedium of church every week, and you get some quality time with them every other Sunday.

Whatever happens children don't really believe in God until they are over the age of 12 anyway. So you have plenty of time to figure it out.

Answer 7

Why do couples need to raise their child IN a religion anyway? Why can't they raise the child for Life in the world and allow that child to decide what religion it would want... if any? As parents, I think we should show our children how to live as good people among others. Religion does not instill this in people... people instill it in people. My mother is Christian, my father an Agnostic... We did not attend church, we did not have bible readings/studies... We discussed God in a general way, rather than using a pre-made image of something no one can prove anyway.

I wish you luck... and hope that at the very least, you both remain honest.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you are being pretty selfish here. You are looking more at your own feelings than the feelings of your wife and potential kids. Suck it up buddy and be a real husband and potential father. Go with your wife to church. Stop focusing on your own desires and focus on making the others in your life happy. If you don't you may find yourself asking the question, how can I spend more time with my kids now that my wife has left me and has full custody?

Answer 9

do the right thing - raise the children as Christians- maybe they can pray for you when you need God- because you surely will one day - even if this does not feel like it now- My question is -WHY did your wife marry you ? It seems strange to me that a christian will marry an atheist- no harm meant- but - sounds very strange - May God bless you and your family -

Answer 10

I appreciate your problem. Why would you marry someone that has totally opposite belief system? Probably because she has all of the qualities you wanted in a wife, and she will raise her children with those qualities.

Personally, I would not want to have children under these circumstances.