Divorced abusive husband - okay to remarry?

Question

Hello, I am a christian. I'm not perfect by any means, but I have an important question. I'm 26 years old now. When I was young and foolish (19-ish) I married a man I had only been with for 3 months, who said he would take care of me and take me away from a dangerous situation at home. As soon as we were married, the abuse began. Emotional at first, then physical. He eventually forbade me to ever see my parents, friends, or family, or anyone else ever again. The only place I was ever allowed to go was a holiness church pastored by his uncle, who approved of the abuse and insisted women were slaves to men, and nothing else. I was forced to be a house wife and slave to him at all times. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and told him that either he agree to get counselling or I wanted him to leave. He asked me if I wanted a divorce, I asked him once more if he wanted counseling, and he said no. So I agreed to the divorce... (cont)

But now, 6 years later, I have found the man of my dreams. He treats me wonderfully, and has asked for my hand in married. Is it okay for me to remarry him? I asked for God's forgiveness for getting married without his consent before... and have asked him to show me if this is right for me. I thank any and all responses.

I meant to say, is it allright for me to marry this new person? He is 29 years old and has never been married before.

Answer 1

There are several folks here who assume your ex committed adultry during your marriage. If this is so, and your marriage broke up as a result of his adultry, you are free to marry and the blame for your resulting adultry rests completely on your ex.

If there was no adultry DURING THE MARRIAGE, God disapproves of remarriage. Some have counseled that you are free to remarry due to your ex's "adultry" committed AFTER the divorce. This is not scripturally supportable.

Having said that, you do write that you are genuinely repentant before God and fervently wish to remarry, although you understand you would be living in adultry. God knows your heart and will forgive any sin committed if you are washed in the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. God also understands that we humans are frail and prone to sin.

If you absolutely cannot live your life without remarrying, and you're convinced he's definately "the one," make your decision before God's throne. Then, go and sin no more, since divorce is NOT a future option.

Answer 2

Like one of the answers that I have read here above, your husband has most likely committed an adultery. If only you can prove that he is guilty of adultery, then you can with a peaceful conscious ask for a divorce. But that is not all. If you get divorce, how do you know that the new husband will not treat you worse than the first after a while. Believe me, all men are the same; what you have witnessed from the first one, you shall surely witness from the one whom you described as gentle and kind. Wasn't your first husband gentle and lovable when you first met him? What happened afterwords? Why did he change and became so violent? What about your children which you have from the first husband? Are you going to destroy a family after all those years and break you children's heart. The issue is quite difficult. I say before you take your decision, you make sure that your first husband has a deceitful mind. If you doubt and can prove he has deceived you, then you can go ahead with your divorce. But if he never deceived you, I think you should see a councilor. Again you can't predict the behavior of the second man who you think loves you and want to marry you. Be careful with your decision.

Answer 3

I really think you would be a lot happier if you worried more about real life here on earth as opposed to being concerned about some invisible magic man in the sky. Your first marriage is a perfect example of what happens when people take religion too seriously. You ended up in an abusive marriage and high ranking Christians approved of your abuse. They used the Bible to justify your treatment.

It is hard to imagine that God, were he to exist, would be happy to allow you to suffer so badly for the rest of your life. He is a perfect being remember?

Sadly the Bible is written by a bunch of sexist old men many years ago. They, like your former uncle in law, considered women to be a kind of property. A slave if you will. Many Christian sects still believe like this. My own mother in law just got a degree in divinity, but can never preach to her church because they believe that women should keep their mouths shut in church.

I am not trying to knock your faith here, but you need to understand that there are some truly evil people out there who use and abuse religion to justify whatever they want to do in life and to control others. You need to free your mind of this kind of crap and do the right thing in life.

As for the man of your dreams, I sincerely hope that you have learned from your last mistake and have moved in with him and slept with him before marriage. Entering a marriage without truly knowing a person is a recipe for disaster.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

Answer 4

Your question is confusing - you use the word remarry, which implies that it is to the same person. If this is the case, then noooo, do not remarry your first husband. If this is a new person, and you are referring to being married again in that sense, then there is no reason not to do so. Some religions frown upon divorce and remarriage, but unfortunately life does not always work out the way we plan it. I wish the best of luck to you.

Answer 5

What the bible says you cannot remarry unless you are a widow. but in every situation we must look at every detail and im sure so does God. Im sorry for what you had to go with with your ex-husband no women should every be treated in such a way. and really sounds like you want to do the right thing as a christian you know as well as i do that God wants nothing but the best for his children that are obedant. Being an 21yr old christian women i can understand were your coming from but i would advise you as i do my fellow christian friends that in order to have a true christian relationship/husband you must have a strong relationship with God and so must the one you want to marry. And be in complete opedance and sumission to Gods will. And i believe along your path of obedance God will bring someone in your life who was destined to be your husband and you will know with out a doubt that its from God. so you really need to consider that if your doubting if God would aprove you really need to pray for revalation about this before you take action. Because just because he may be christian and be an awsome person does not mean that hes the one God wants you to marry. And maybe he is the one God has placed in your life. i advise you to ask your pastors permission and advise God has placed them over you for consulation and guidance. I hoped i helped you i will be praying for you and that the lord give you revelation.

Answer 6

OK that church you were going to, if you became a Christian there, I'd make sure if that's what the bible says about your salvation; you heard the Word, you invited Christ to come into you heart and made Him your Lord and Savior. I never heard of a bible believing and teaching Church approving abuse. The bible says in Eph 5:25 "Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church. He gave up His life for her." Does it say anywhere "husbands beat or mistreat your wife I made her summit (respect) to you. You have total control and power over her." NO! If you have any doubt about your past and feel you'll carry old baggage, seek help from a Pastor. I hope you aren't going to that church of that guy you married. That first guy, he need help to clean out his life, he needs Jesus. God bless.

Answer 7

First let me say that the Old Testament is not to be used for guidance as a law or commandment. The only law that Jesus came to fulfill, from the Old Testament, was the Ten Commandments. Look at Matt. ch.5 &
John 1:17: For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:12-17
12: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13: And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15: But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16: For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
17: But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

This is saying if you are with a non believer. And I would ,considering what you have said, say he is not saved.
One reason being: Ephesians5:25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
And being with a Non believer you can walk and it is not a sin in the eyes of God.
All the scriptures concerning marriage are for two believers when it is talking about divorce. Not many people get that nor do they get the part concerning the Old Testament.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Personally I say good for you for escaping.

I also think that whether it is OK for you to remarry is something you can decide for yourself. There are plenty of places in the Bible that say a woman should be submissive to her husband and unless he cheated on you, Jesus forbade divorce and remarriage in Mathew.

Jesus says we will be judged according to how we judge others. So if you are the type of Christian who beats gays over the head with the bible, and then you turn around a remarry, isn't is a case where you are not following your own rules?

If on the other had, you are the type of Christian who has compassion for the situation of gay people, and support their rights, I think it would be OK.

You will be judged according to how you judge others. If you show compassion, the Lord will show compassion to you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You need to move on with your new life and leave that last looser behind.

If you feel the time is right, then re-marry. God will ALWAYS give an answer, whether it's yes, no or wait and see, but don't test him to show you the way. We all have our fate and you need to do what you feel is right at this time.

You've been strong enough before to leave an abusive husband, maybe this time you'll be stong enough to not let it get that far.

God Bless!

D*

Answer 10

Roman Catholics consider the marriage a sacrament to be done only once, like the Baptism, but other Christians do not understand so, to them there is only two sacraments, Baptism and Holly Communion. So if you are Roman Catholic you should get the cancelation of the first marriage, if you have a different Christian tradition, Reformed, Lutheran, Methodist, Pentecostal..., just talk to your pastor, since a new marriage is possible.

Answer 11

Let's check the Bible and see, shall we?

1) “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6 & Mark 10:9).

2) “Whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matthew 5:32, 19:9 & Luke 16:18).

3) "Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery" (Matthew 5:32).

4) "...whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her" (Mark 10:11 & Luke 16:18), which applies to women as well (Mark 10:12).

Nope, don't look like it, does it?