Been questioning my faith since son passed away?

Question

I want to believe in God and heaven for my lost son, who passed away earlier this year. But I find I have difficulty doing so.

Why would God allow him to die if he existed?! My child was only 15 years old. He left behind two siblings (one a twin brother).

If God exists and is merciful like I heard, how can he allow an innocent child to die?!

Answer 1

First of all, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Losing a child is one of the hardest things that can happen to a family.

Nothing I can say is going to make this alright for you. Nothing. The pain is too new. It hurts too much.

Please seek counseling and support. Your local hospital is often a good resource for support groups. After our miscarriages I found a support group invaluable. There is so much love, support, and healing there. As well as practical advice from people who really know and understand where you are and what you are going through.

I hope you'll save the rest of this for when you're ready for it.

I think this is one of the hardest questions to answer. This is what nearly cost me my faith and my sanity.

I've lost three babies and have no living children. I have wanted children since I was very young. I always though I would be a mom.

I believe in God and I don't believe that babies (or children) die because they are bad or because of any wrong they have done. I don't even think it is a judgement of their parents. I say that, because some people can be really insensitive and suggest such things in the guise of trying to console or counsel you. Remember Job's friends?

It's hard to know who to blame when it happens and you want to blame someone. And I did. Mostly I blamed myself, and I thought of a million things I should have done differently. It was those sinus pills I took or all that caffeine I had before I knew I was pregnant, or it was the time I slipped and fell in the grocery store. Mother guilt. If there's a way to take the blame, you will. There's an odd kind of safety in taking responsibility, even if there is no possible way you could be at fault.

Some people will say Satan took your son and some will say God took him. I believe Satan brought sin into the world. Sin brought death. In that way, Satan is responsible for death. It is his domain, and God allows it - for now.

Jesus came to redeem us. He conquered death. So even though Satan takes us out of the world (through death), Jesus takes us to be with God through redemption.

Children are sinless. They go to heaven.

Of course I would rather my babies be here with me. I miss them. But I know that they are safe and that God can keep them from ever feeling hurt or sadness. They have joy now that I cannot imagine. Even though I miss them terribly, I don't have to worry about how they are doing. I know they are safe.

It took me several years to process everything and really feel better. There were a couple of verses that helped me.

But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” John 6:68-69

No matter how angry I was at God, I still believe in Him. Where else would I go?


“Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.” John 1227-28

What if it was for this purpose that I came to earth? Losing my babies was the single hardest thing I have ever dealt with. What if the purpose of my life is to deal with that well? How I come through shows my love and devotion to God in a similar way to how Jesus showed His love and obedience - by gracefully facing the trial before me.

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Romans 8:32

It was hard to be mad at God for not sparing my children when I thought about how He didn't spare His own Son for my sake.

God was parted with Jesus for a human lifetime. I am parted with my children for a human lifetime. Because of the gift of salvation - God's sacrifice for me - I can live eternally with Him and with my babies.

I firmly believe that God will not waste our pain.

When you are tempted to believe that God doesn't see how badly you are hurting, try reading all the passages that talk about God being for us, our Help, our Shield, our Shepherd. Passages about His love, care and providence for us. It really is overwhelming. And at times like that, you need to be overwhelmed with love.

These are some of the verses that comfort me:

When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the LORD will take care of me. Psalm 27:10


Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. I Peter 5:6-7

As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14

Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8

Please get someone you can talk to one on one. You need support and encouragement at a time like this. Feel free to click on my avatar and e-mail me.


I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss. What I hope is that you will not compound your loss by turning away from a great Source of love and support at the time you need Him most.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 2

It is so sad to hear people telling you to forget God and that he is sadistic. I wish people were told the truth about death in churches and then you wouldn't be suffering as much as you are. God did not cause and is not responisble for the death of your son - the bible tells us 'when under trial let no one say 'I am being tried by God' for with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he try anyone' (James 1:13) Rather 'time and unforeseen occurance befall us all' (Ecc 9:11) and don't forget that 'God loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son in order that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have ever lasting life' (John 3:16). Your son is in a peaceful sleep like state (Ecc 9:5, John 11:11-14) awaiting the day that he will be ressurrected back to earth (John 5:28, 29) to be given another chance at life in a world where he will have the prospect of never getting sick or dying again (Rev 21:3,4) and you have the chance - that is the wonderful hope and comfort that God has given to you. If you would like more information contact your local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Answer 3

What a tragic loss you and you family have suffered, I cannot imagine the pain and disbelieve you are all going through. This year must have been a very difficult time for you all. My heart goes out to you. I cannot answer your questions on faith, that comes from within and at times like this of course you will have doubts and question about your beliefs that will cause you confusion and maybe even spark off feelings of anger. It is only natural to want answers. I could spout off many religous quotes or draw on my own experiences and beliefs to try and convince you that there is a God but at the end of the day they are just words. Live for today, be kind to yourself, the emotions are stlll so raw, such a short time ago, your faith will return when you have acceptance & some form of understanding of the loss you have experienced. In the meantime celebrate your sons life and the happiness he gave you in the short time he was here. Don't just remember him in sadness. One small thing, ask, ask the universe for understanding. Bless you all.

Answer 4

The loss of a child is never easy for any parent to fathom. All faith goes out the window, (WHY?) is the only question your mind can tolerate.
I am sooo sorry for your loss and I know it is something you will never get over, your family need you now more than ever especially your sons twin brother.

But God is not to blame in this and no matter how much anger you feel you should take comfort in knowing your son is in a good place and is loved. God didn't take away your son, circumstances beyond your control did...we all feel useless and empty when such a tragedy occurs and I know its like a great black hole inside you sucking you in deeper as each day passes, but remember your son would want you to celebrate his life, remember the good times and the great memories you have of him and your family together.
God does not control the outcome of peoples lives, it is all down to freewill and like I said circumstances beyond our control...

Know that God is there for you and if you let him he will help and give you strength to get through this...All I can say is Love can conquer so much, your fears and emptiness can be destroyed if you just focus on your family and your other children’s lives.

He would not want you to dwell on the darkness of his passing but to look to the future for his siblings and especially his mother. It will ease as time goes by and life will become that little bit better as you see your children grow and become great adults....

Don't give up on God just yet, take a visit to a Cathedral or Church on a quiet day.. I always found it gives me a great peace and a time for reflection in my life....
I would also suggest you take your family away for a holiday, a different environment can also help the grieving process.. remember "time is never time enough" and your son would not want you to dwell on his death...
My thoughts go with you and my prayers....

Answer 5

"God moves in the most mysterious ways" is what the christians will tell you. As a Pagan and a Hedgewitch, I firmly believe that when we "Die" we return to the Summerlands and rest and reflect on the lessons we have learned from that life. Then when we are ready we regenerate and live again.
The Goddess called your child back to the Summerlands because she has a specific thing in mind for him. It is not done for vengence or for something wrong he did, it was merely his time, albeit so soon.
Life is made up of meetings and partings that is the way of it. How, when or where we die, isn't for us to decide. The Goddess decides for us and we HAVE to comply.
I am truly sorry for your loss and the Goddess is aware of it too. She will comfort you and guide you through these difficult times and when it is the right time, she may show you the reason why your son had to leave so soon.
Brightest Blessings on the saddest of Occaisions
Blessed Be!
S

Answer 6

I completely agree with you! As a child I was made to go to sunday school where they kept telling me that God rewarded the good and punished the bad. I believed that for a while!! But then my Mum had a miscarriage at 5 months which meant she had to give birth knowing the baby was dead. Even that wasn't enough as she had to bury her own child she never got to see. My mum is the most placid un hateful person you'll ever know. She doesn't have a bad bone in her body yet she was punished in such a horrible way. Ever since that day I have refused and cannot believe that God exists. My mum hadn't done anything to warrant being punished like that.

Answer 7

When someone we love dies it just doesn't make sense to us. The reason being is that we weren't created to die. If you believe what the Bible says, then you can find comfort in knowing this was not God's plan. We inherited death from Adam. But God made a way out for us. He gave his son. : “Since death is through a man [Adam], resurrection of the dead is also through a man [Jesus Christ]. For just as in Adam all are dying, so also in the Christ all will be made alive.”—1 Corinthians 15:21, 22.
He also gives us a reason for hope. The Bible indicates that we will be reunited with our dead loved ones. Jesus Christ boldly promised: “Just as the Father raises the dead up and makes them alive, so the Son also makes those alive whom he wants to. Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his [Jesus’] voice and come out.” (John 5:21, 28, 29) Jesus promised that millions now dead will live again on this earth and have the prospect of remaining on it forever under peaceful, paradisaic conditions. (Luke 23:43; John 3:16; 17:3; compare Psalm 37:29 and Matthew 5:5.)
I know this has helped me cope with the death of my loved ones.

Answer 8

He does exist. Don't ever doubt it. I am not sure how your son died, you don't metion it, but I would assume disease of some sort. We are frail humans. We get infirmities and die. Still, that is not much comfort for a parent who loses a child. Someday when you have passed away as well you will know the answer. I am sorry for your loss and will pray for you to find comfort. Look around your area, there are probably support groups for your kind of loss. Maybe they can help you. If not, the members of your church are probably willing to help you get through this terrible time.

God bless you.

Answer 9

losing someone can be very sad but we must keep in mind that all things and the people that we dearly loved are really not ours...its His. He took your son probably because he had a purpose.. to streghten you.. to draw you near to him...

Why dont you tell him all your hurts and ask him your question. He actually knows how it feels because once upon a time he also lost a son just like you.. He lost him to save somebody else's life..

Here is a qoute from some email i received:

* The Valley of Suffering. Understand that, because God is sovereign, nothing can get to you without first coming through Him. Know that He won't allow you to suffer any more than you can bear, and that the suffering He allows you to experience is all for a good purpose in your life. Ask God to show you what He wants to learn from your suffering. Use your time of suffering to get to know God better, love Him more, and trust Him more. Don't lose heart; seasons of suffering inevitably end, and often result in positive growth for you.

* The Valley of Storms. Invite God to use the storms you go through to stretch your faith. Understand that God can use storms for correcting (returning you to a right relationship with Him), perfecting (to mature you and prepare you for serving more in His kingdom), and instructing (to teach lessons you couldn't learn otherwise). As you struggle through a storm, keep in mind that Jesus is watching and listening, and He is rooting for you. Not only that, but He is praying for you to remain faithful and learn to trust Him even more. Don't panic, no matter how much rain falls, how loud the thunder crashes, or how close the lightening strikes, because God is more powerful than any storm you could ever experience.

I will be praying that God would ease the loneliness that you are feeling right now and he will reveal to you the answers of your question.

be blessed!

Answer 10

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

I lost my wife 10 years ago when I was 28 years old, and over time if one thing has become absolutely crystal clear to me, I mean so clear I would stake my own life on it. It is that there is no God, no heaven and no hell.

You will never get over your loss, but as the years pass it will get a little easier. I know you are probably thinking that I don't know what I am on about., but please believe me, I've been there and worn the T shirt. It will get easier but it is going to take a very very long time.

The only advice I can give you is don't listen to anyone who hasn't had similar circumstances, because they have no idea of what you are going through.

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you.

Answer 11

First, know that there are people out here who understand your pain, questions and loss. I, for one, I've asked that question about losing my loved one, who in my mind, undeservingly. Also know that I'l be praying for you to get the peace that passes all understanding and clarity to these tough questions.

For me, it was by the measure of my faith that helped me to realize that God is greater than any circumstance that I'm in right now. Emotions run high and we want answers to the unexplainable but, if you believe in God, and understand that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways, that is the begining to deeper understanding of this event. I had to believe that no matter how ugly, painful, unexplainable a situation is to me, that He allowed it to be for my good. Although I don't KNOW it now or FEEL it now.

Sometimes the purpose for someone's existence is not realized until later on in time. The Bible also speaks about reason, seasons, and time (Ecclessiastes).

It took a long time for the words from other people to sink in and make a positive difference in how I was feeling after my loss and it felt like whatever anyone said just wasn't right. I hope that people shower you with seeds of encouragement and that the fruit of those seeds is complete healing and closure for you and your family.

Stay encouraged and know that this too shall pass....

Keeping you in prayer....