How do I handle this relationship?

Question

Briefly, I started seeing this woman a little over a year ago. We called things off a few months ago, but then we've continued recently as if still together. We argue almost every time we are together. We don't mean to, we talk about it, we try not to, but we do. We are, from my point of view, clearly not meant to be together. But I really care about her and she's leaving soon. I probably won't ever see her again... she lives in another country.

I don't know how not to argue with her... she seems to always be testing me, then challenging my answers, or becoming offended by them. Also she is openly affectionate and I am not. And I inevitably get frustrated and raise my voice... it goes downhill from there. I just want to get along with her while she's still here, which is only going to be a few weeks... less if she leaves early, as she is thinking of doing.

Any thoughts on the best way to handle things?

Answer 1

Love doesn't have to be this difficult. I think that it is a good thing that she is leaving soon (meant in the kindest way) as this may allow the two of you to move on with your lives. I would suggest that you get together one more time in the next few weeks to allow some closure, acknowledge your feelings gently, but do not act on any affectionate feelings you have. You need to set your boundaries and keep to them. Your question clearly says that you know that she is not right for you.
There will be someone out there that is great with you and you will probably find that it is not so difficult! Good luck!

Answer 2

I was going through something alike. I started thinking about why we were always arguing and why in the beginning we didn't. Then I realize that once we knew each other longer, we were both a little less respectful and dissagreed before we even heard the entire thing on the other persons perspective. Eventually we both started to take it easy and not jump into a rage if we didnt like something. It's weird, sometimes thinking about someone else as a person and as a friend works out better. Like I know I used to get mad if he ever looked slightly at another girl then I realized he's a guy and I should let it go, it wasn't like he would stare more then one second or talk to her, he was simply a guy and girls do it too. Another issue was when he would be a second late when we met for lunch and he'd even call me but I would get mad , then i realized, "it's only 1 second" traffic, it's not like he''s 15 minutes or more late and he even called me. Just everything started to annoy me but then I thought about things and I was getting mad about nothing really. He and I talked and we both had the same problem and we talked about that and it's been better since.

Answer 3

I was like that with my first boyfriend and he broke up with me. All women need security. It is basic for women. While men need authority because a guy should head a relationship. With your relationships issues like i have, the girl argues because she is insecure, and you are hurt because she seems to question your authority that the relationship is going to be okay. With me and my ex boyfriend, we realized it was our self-issues.. we had personal problems and we were too young. Until now we still really care for each other. However, we are taking things more slowly. The separation has taught us a lot of things. How selfish we were during our relationship.

I would not advise you to break it up with this girl of course. But I would advise you to "really communicate and talk about IT" especially that she might be leaving soon. Maybe you both just need some time off, some space. When you're on a step back from a relationship, you see things more clearly. God bless you.

Answer 4

It sounds like this should have never been however while she is still there sit her down and talk to her. Tell her it would be so worth while to depart as friends instead of arguing adults. You have appreciated her and her company, you only wish the best for her in the future. It has been a relationship that will always be remembered and Thank You for all you have taught me. about yourself and your country. Explain to her you are sorry you two could never make it together that there is a wonderful man out there waiting for her somewhere. This way the departure will be final and done in mighty good taste.
Something you will both remember throughout time.

Answer 5

Well if you are just trying to keep the peace until she leaves, a movie is a great option. Let her pick the movie... hey, it's at least an hour and a half of no arguing (unless you are talking during the movie). As far as the affection, let her know how you feel. Sometimes women just do not realize that bothers a man.

Answer 6

Can you share with her how frustrating it is for you that she challenges you every time you say something? Just say exactly what you said here, that you'd like to make the rest of her stay with you enjoyable, but it seems that every time you talk to her, she ends up arguing with you.

Sometimes people feel the need to put on a 'front' and act like THEY know what's right... it's a means of covering insecurities.

It takes two to argue, so if she does try to 'push your buttons', just remain quiet. No one can argue with you if you refuse to participate.

Just chalk this up to meeting someone that you care about but that is clearly not 'right' for you or compatible with you. We can make friends... not everything has to lead to 'more' so don't try to force the relationship when it seems obvious you're not clicking.

Answer 7

Though your time left with her is short, tell her that you will immediately leave any conversation, social setting, etc. if things even START to get obnoxious. You can tell her you care about her very much, but that you care about yourself too. And that it is doing neither one of you any good to be in willful arguments. It does sound like she may be deliberately pushing buttons. Don't go for it. Make it clear that both of you will act like civilized, respectable adults when you are together, or you will not spend time together. I truly believe she'll straighten up quickly if she knows you mean business.

Answer 8

Obviously you have cultural differences and are not communicating. I would suggest you get over her and let her enjoy the rest of her time visiting. You don't get along, you said it in your own words. How exhausting this must be for both of you.
Why would you cling to something that isn't working. There are lots of fish in the sea, my dear man.

Answer 9

Well,, been there done that. I would say move on. If you like the sex, I would say in guy terms, hit it often, no oops though. protect yourself! No babies. When the train reaches it's destination, it is time to get off. If it is to hard to see her go, then do not see her at all. just back off and let her go. Best thing to do.

Answer 10

if you could picture your life without her and you'd be fine with it, then yes, you are "clearly" not meant for each other.. in that case, just be civil with her until the time she leaves.. however, if you think life would be miserable not having her in it, then do all that you can now to make her stay than regret it later on if you let her go away.