Should I go back?

Question

I 18 years old and 4 1/2 months pregnant. When I told my mom she was upset and angry and from that day forward we have never been the same. One day she actually fought me while pregnant over a cell phone and I lefted the house and been gone for 2 months. I was hurt and distraught by it because I would never think my mother would try to harm my unborn child for a cell phone. She said a lot of mean and cruel things about me being pregnant and it hurt BAD! I am returning to my home town in a week and my boyfriend doesn't want me to go back to my mother's house he wants me to stay with him. I have some people telling me to go back and I have a LOT telling me not to go back. I don't want to because I don't want something to happen like that again. SHOULD I GO BACK?

Answer 1

I think I'd call first, to see if she's calmed down. Talking out a problem is rarely a bad thing. If she doesn't want to see you again, then your problem is solved. If her problem is with your BF then perhaps he should stay away - but I'd take along a friend or another family member just to make sure she's not just trying to get you to come back.
Playing it safe can't be a bad thing either.
The thing is, has she shown herself to be violent toward you in the past? (other than the time with the cell phone) If its a one time thing, then you might work it out. If it's a regular occurrence then it may be time to write her off.

Answer 2

I got pregnant at 16 and left home then to some very pissed off parents. I have never regretted leaving and I am still not fond of my parents to this day some 20 plus years later. I would have to agree with the boyfriend and stay away from her if she has threatened to harm the baby. Sooner or later, especially when she sees her first grandchild, she will forget all she said and love that child like she does you. She is simply disappointed at the moment and wondering what she did wrong. She is also more than likely concerned that your life will not be as good as she had hoped because you will have had a child while still almost a child yourself. And she will, in part, be right. Your life will be a lot more difficult now with a small child in it. You have to keep your distance until she comes out of her anger and hurt phase but fear not, she will. Just wait for it. If she does not ask you to come into her life, then don't. Wait until you can meet in a public place to talk things over and if she still feels the same way, walk away. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I think you should have a phone call with your Mom before even thinking about visiting. I'd stay with my b/f at least he isn't trying to harm your child. Good Luck....but one more thing. Think.....Listen and Forgive, unless your Mom's into drugs or alcohol, she's just pi**ed off and probably now would have open arms for you. Call her! Write her a letter, email, whatever you do, do that before facing her in case she is dangerous. I'm cautious....very. I can't imagine a mom hitting her pregnant daughter, my Mom is my best friend, oh we fought, but no blows. When I was 18....I was not the same as I am now. Just call her, if you don't like what you hear, then tell her to contact you next time. She'll want to be involved in your child's life, but most of all she's going to want her baby girl back. Good LUCK!!!!

Answer 4

Wow that's a tough one!!! Only you have that answer!!
the thing is, and you will soon find out, parents don't always have the answers nor do they react to things the way we think they should. I'm sure it was a very emotionally tense time for both you and her.. don't get me wrong the cell phone situation should not have happened but it did and I'm sure your mom replays that scene in her mind over and over again and wishes that it would not have happened!! People in general say very cruel things in the heat of a moment that they regret later and I'm sure you said some things also, but that is now in the past..
you need your mom right now and later when the baby comes...
Your boyfriend is right in being concerned about you and his baby's safety!!! Try calling her when you get back home and arranging to meet in a public place such as a local coffee shop and talk.. just talk!!! You will be glad that you did!!!
Good Luck!!!
And Congratulations!!!

Answer 5

no. If your mother hasn't accepted the fact that you made a mistake, then she shouldn't be in your life at this point. I can understand her being upset at first, you are young... but to harm the baby is ridiculous and you should never give her the opportunity to do that again. Maybe in time she will come around, but if she doesn't, that is HER loss because she will never meet her grandchild. You are doing the right thing by protecting your unborn child, especially if you have a safe place to stay with your boyfriend. You could try talking to your mother on the phone or meeting her in a public place to try to talk through your issues, but don't meet her alone, ESPECIALLY if you are scared!!! good luck honey

Answer 6

U r soon going to be a mom too. Put yourself in your mom's position. No matter what had happen now or in the future, you are still her daughter. If she, as a mom, cant do your job well. The least you can do, is to do your job as a daughter well. U say she hurts you a lot with words n for frighting with u, trying to hurt the unborn child, over a cell phone. Have you think about how much you had hurt her too? No mom in the world would wan to harm their child, all they wan is to always love & protect their children from harm. Be resposible. In less than 5 mths, u will be a mom.... think about it... :) take care & all the best ya!

Answer 7

Wow! That's a tough one...have you tried to call her first? I would say, call her first, try to see what is she thinking now and make a decision after that. It's great that your boyfriend is supporting you. This is a work of two, this is going to be your baby and having him besides it's very important...certainly this is something you don't want to do by your own.

She most be very upset when she found out about your pregnancy, but that is no excuse to harm you or your baby in any way. Show her that you are the better person here, try talking over the phone first, and maybe get together in a public place, it's going to be easier to talk it over in a calm way. Best of luck, try to do the best for you and your baby.

Answer 8

Parents sometimes invest too many of their own failed hopes and dreams in what they want for their kids. Knowing how much this baby will limit your future (or at least make it harder) could make a mother do some very foolish things.

I recommend you do both... go home and not. ;-) That is, make sure you see and talk to your mom. However, keep it a short meeting and if it seems to be going badly make it even shorter. If things go well you might talk a bit longer but don't be tempted to "go home" yet. You both "overshot" in your reactions and there will be some tough moments until you both come to a new relationship equilibrium. Going home is handing a bit too much back to your mom too quickly.

If you can open communications again, maybe in a few more months you'll be back in a good relationship with her.

Answer 9

Going back should be done after a phone call. If you do choose to go back, have someone other than your boyfriend go with you.

It's important for you and your mother to come to terms with this. She feels betrayed, wanting the best for you. You only want her support and love. She does love you, but she is angry and that is only natural. Call her, tell her you love her. Ask her to forgive you. Let her know about your situation and HOW YOU FEEL about it. But continue to remind her that she will always be your mom and you will always love her.

If she is not open to it, leave the door open and carry on with your life. Call her on holidays and so on to reminder her you still are around and give her heads up of what is happening in your life. Writing letters will help to. Just because she is hurt right now, you can help her to heal by just telling her things on voice messages and emails and letters.

I hope everything works out for you both. Congratulations on the upcoming parenthood. In the future, please be careful.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I would never tell you what to do, but just remember that your mom is upset now, but she will heal from this and she will get over it in time, especially when she sees the baby. You should go back because she will always be your mother & can really guide you on this difficult journey, as for your boyfriend, you do not know for sure if he will be there for your child's 10th birthday for example.