Am I really too young to have a baby??

Question

I am going to be 21 in February, my boy friend is going to be 24 in a few weeks. We have been together for 4 years, and living together for 3 yrs.

Me and my boyfriend are sooo happy together, and he wants to have a baby really bad, but he said he would prefer too wait another year or two, but if i was to get pregnant now he would still be very happy. I think about having a baby from the moment i wake up, till the time i go to bed. I hear about girls who i went to school with having babies and i can't help but feel a little jealous. I watch all of those stupid baby shows like " A baby story".

I just got my real estate license and have started to work for a good company, and i know i should wait until i am more established, but the thought is consitantly on my mind. I KNOW it's a lot of work, believe me i am not one of those girls who think that having a baby means dressing my child in cute outfits and showing them off, and playing in the park together.

I mean I actually think of the dirty diapers, the temper tantrums, the potty training, the waking up early every morning.

a friend of mine has a daughter, and i SEE the struggle for her, I see the "not-so-cute" baby things. But she doesn't have a career... or even a job..

Also, I am not like most teenagers. I do not go to clubs or parties. The weekend for me consist of spending time with my boyfriend, and taking the dog to the beach and cooking dinner together and just renting a movie and staying in, and I like that.
But some people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them about all of this...

and by the way, he wants too get married, but I don't really see what marriage is as big of a deal as it is. Its jujst a piece of paper and a religous ceremony. When you act like your married, live together like your married, organize bills like your married, then what is marriage? I know a few couple who are in their 40's and have been together for 20 years and have had kids together, and thats just fine :)

Answer 1

If you aren't married, don't own a house and have a stable job and/or a good education, don't think about it.

Once you are married, things DO change even if you have been living together.

Give yourself some time after marriage. About two years.

Volunteer at the local hospital in the preemie ward where the crack and HIV babies are and need to be held and loved.

Volunteer at a local women's/children's homeless shelter.

Become a Big Sister.

These things should quench your motherly desires, you'll be giving back to society and your community, plus you'll learn valuable parenting skills.

DON'T rush. There's no reason.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

you said you just started to work for a good company, but the truth is no matter how good the company you work for is, things can go wrong. i don't mean that it will but it can. so i think, you should wait until you are more financially established, with all the savings you need ready for the baby once the baby is born as well as have a safety savings (that's how i call it) for emergencies or anything that involves money, ready because like i said anything can happen and best thing is to be prepared. if something occurs and you and your boyfriend become stressed and then you have to deal with the baby chores etc...you might end up putting out all the stress onto your baby...so best is to be financially prepared coz' it's sounds that you are most definately emotionally and physically prepared. you're at an age where loads of possibilities are flowing in and tons of stuff you can still do bla bla bla bla...yeah don't want to sound like a mother (how cliche) but that's just how i think, if you feel the time is right, and you feel that this is not a spur of the moment rush of adrenaline of some sort, and you can handle the situation good and/or bad, have all the necessary backups, then go for it - be a great mother! just keep in mind that, it's not a game where you can just turn off when you've lost and feel you don't want to play anymore or when you just can't pass a certain level and say oh forget it, i'll try next week. it's a 24/7 - 365 (and a whole lot more) committment.

Answer 3

You may be too young you may not be. I am 21 and I have a 2 1/2 year old.... I was 18 when I had her....that is too young. ( although she is my life, my pride, my joy ) If you already have a stable life with everything from savings in an emergency account, a stable job, a large enough roof over your head, and a life plan in place, then maybe you might be ready, but making a baby is a 2 person job, and both you and your other half have to be emotionally ready too. It really does change everthing in every aspect of your life. It doesnt just stop you from having a social life and things like that, when you have a baby around, it is sometimes hard to find time to pee in peace, never mind sleep. There are going to be times when it seems like you havent eaten real food in the past year because you are so busy. And shower time...forget it. I dont mean to scare you because I would never change anything about having my daughter, it's worth all the hard work, I'm just trying to say look at it in all different perspectives.

Answer 4

Do not concern yourself with what others think.

It is normal for you to have thoughts like this.

While societal pressures have pushed young women into thinking later ages are better to have children, this has not always been the case. In fact, some women regret their decision to postpone having children until it is too late (earlier- than-expected-onset of menopause).

One thing is for sure. There will be a day that you will become infertile. Why wait? If you are serious about becoming a mother, and it isn't just a fad, then go for it. But get married first! Get the good Lord involved, and THEN you and your husband can make the decision together.

I wish you the best and hope it turns out well for you guys!

Answer 5

I know what you are feeling. I got married when I was 21 and starting wanting a baby. My husband kept telling me it was not the right time because I still had to finish school. At 23 I did have a baby boy. He is the most amazing gift ever. I love him so much. He was a big surprise! I was in college when I had him. He is now 3 and I'm starting back to school. I wish I would have been done with school before I had him. It is really hard to find time for school, work, my husband and my little guy. I do not regret having him. I just wish I would have been done with school so I could give him my all. I really hate when I have to give up time with him to study and do homework.

I don't think you are to young. Just make sure you have your life together, because when you have a baby he/she will be your life.

Answer 6

It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than anybody else. If you truly think you're ready, push away other people's judements and opinions and just do what you want. Everybody matures at their own rate, and you're probably just a lot more mature than most people your age, which has it's good and bad points. If you don't forsee going to college or any other big plans in your future that you want to get out of the way first, then go for it. Remember age is just a number. A 16 year old could turn out to be a great mother, while on the other hand a 30 year old could turn out to be a terrible parent. It's all in your heart and about knowing that you will give your all for your future child. If you don't want to get married, that's your business and not anybody else's. Don't listen to anybody who tells you you HAVE to be married to have a baby, they're too whipped by "traditional values." Good luck and it sounds like you'll be a wonderful parent.

Answer 7

I dont think your too young...i have been with my husband ever since i was 14 and he was 19...we moved in together when i turned 15 and started trying to have a baby right away,i didnt get pregnant until i was 17 but i ended up loseing her 5 months into the pregnancy due to Trisomy 18..it was very very hard on us both, but we tried again a few months later and got pregnant again with another beautiful girl i had her a few months after i turned 18..and she just turned a year old last month and as healthy as can be..and i am now 19 and my husband is 24 and we are doing just great...sure it gets tough sometimes but we wouldnt have it any other way!But just be prepared for your ups and downs!
p.s we are trying for another,so if we can do it you can
Best Wishes for you
God Bless

Answer 8

you can't even find someone to marry you...so why and how do you think you should pretend to be committed to a baby??? You'll be sorry when you realize that for the next 18 yrs, you'll be living your life around a baby that is only cute until you get tired and then it's hard to give them back. Your friend will be long gone impregnating other girls and you will be poor and an idiot your entire life. Feel compassion for the illegitimate children and don't bring another kid with no Dad into the world!

Answer 9

I understand that you feel mature enough to have a baby, however you should wait at least another year. You have the luxury of being able to plan this phase of your life. You should be at least working for 6 months on company before you are elegible for maternity leave ( In most companies anyway). Plan who is going to take care of the baby, what your routine will be like. Do you have health insurance, are going to get married? Do you own the property you are living at? Will your combine income be enough for baby related expenses? Once you have figured out that you are indeed ready then and only then should you have this baby. Good Luck!

Answer 10

DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 21, you have just started life. You can go out, enjoy yourself, collect some money to get settled into a nice home, and have had the chance to explore yourself, your relationship, and your career.

If you have a child now, you will not have a chance to build a reputation for yourself in your chosen field. You have NO IDEA how much having a child takes away anything that was yours -- you spend your entire waking life watching them, doing their laundry, getting their food, scheduling all activities around their sleep schedules.

Until you are older and settled and bored by routine, wait... then let the little bugger take over your existence. Don't get me wrong -- I love my daughter more than life, but gawd it would be nice if I could just be me and not mom for an hour or so!