I''m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can't seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don't think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.
I've tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:
1. Just don't want to date anyone that's a recovering addict/alcoholic.
2. Don't want to date anyone that doesn't drink.
I was just hoping someone could tell me why?
I'm 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don't date men in recovery. I don't think i'll ever find a wife.
It's been a few years now, and I find myself so lonely that I think of suicide alot.
My question is, since I can't seem to meet anyone by telling the truth, should I just lie about my alcoholism?
2006-07-19 15:18:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's not lying if you don't mention it. Strangers don't need full disclosure before you even meet them. Say you don't drink, anyone offended by that is probably someone you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyway.
2006-07-20 06:12:40 · answer #1 · answered by raysny 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lying will never result in a meaningful relationship! But I have to ask, are you telling people you're recovering right off the bat? That could be a little intimidating and weird. You need to get to know someone before you start giving them intimate details about yourself. I would say wait until about the 4th date to give up this information. And I would bring it up casually, like your life doesn't revolve around that fact. If the woman is interested it shouldn't be a problem. Plenty of people don't drink, so it's not like that's the problem. I'm a woman and I don't think I would stop dating someone just for the fact that they used to be an alcoholic. If anything that is a very strong character trait that you were able to quit. Don't worry, there is someone for you.
2006-07-19 15:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Bill,
I was reading your question and in some ways I can identify with your dilemma. I am married and 28 years old, but I quit drinking when I had been dating my wife for about 2 years (we have been together for 4 years, married for 1). It had become a real problem for me and I it was starting to really negatively affect my relationship. Sorry if that was a little off topic, but my bottom line point is that for someone like you and me who have had a problem with alcohol, any woman who we would end up with will greatly appreciate the sober guy versus the guy who drinks. I think it can be tougher for you because you are still playing the field and unfortunately alcohol is very present in that field. My biggest piece of advice is this: dont talk about your "recovery" or "struggle" or whatever using that typical recovery lingo. I'm not downplaying it at all and I'm not saying to lie about it, but its just off-putting to people in general to hear about stuff like that in such detail when they are trying to get to know someone. Even now when I make new friends or associates through business and we are out and I am the only one not drinking and someone asks I just kind of casually smile and make a little statement like "oh, I'm not a very good drinker" or "I'm not good at it" and address it lightheartedly and then move on. The point is made but the mood isnt bogged down by any kind of "Well, here is my story...." talk. Its kind of a mood killer. Well, just keep you head up Bill , I'm sure you will find someone great, there are alot of great women out there who appreciate a guy who has enough of a head on his shoulders to recognize when he has a problem and addresses it. Take care.
Sean
2006-07-19 15:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by SFO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd opt to say Congratulations on your sobriety. you may want to be a very sturdy man or woman to face your dependancy. As on your love existence you want to stumble on a woman that would not smoke,drink,or do any drugs, you do not favor the temptation. i does no longer lie about your fix, i'd only carry off somewhat and attempt her out for somewhat. attempt some singles communities, stumble on a activity you could meet quite some folk this kind. The health middle is a good position to discover women who're all about a healthy existence form. And very last about your recommendations of suicide maximum individuals have those recommendations faster or later of their existence. I did i changed into married and that i felt extra on my own than I surely have ever been. He mentally abused me to the point that one nighttime i took 100 seventy 5 napping pills. I awakened in a medical institution they pumped my abdomen the medical professional stated that my heart had stopped 3 situations and that i changed into very fortunate he did not imagine i turned right into a loopy man or woman he met my ex interior the waiting room he stated that my husband turned right into a jerk and that i necessary a divorce. So I did and it took a lengthy time period to believe and discover the right man or woman for me yet I did and that i'm on the happiest factor of my existence. good things will come to you once you least assume it. good success *Ellen
2016-10-14 23:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bill, I dated a recovering AA guy. I loved him, I still do, but in a differnt way now. We are very very close friends. You AA guys are honest and real and interesting. He broke up with me citing that he was not far enough in his recovery to be in serious relationship. He was struggling with sobriety when we met, it took a few months for him to realize he had to go to a 30 day treatment, (many relapses) and a few months after he got back we broke up. Don't give up hope. An educated woman, educated in the realities of AA, will walk into your life and things will fall into place. Hang in their Bill. Don't give up hope. BTW what city do you live in? I live in Houston.
2006-07-20 04:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Raysny is right. When you first meet someone they don't need to know your life history before they get to know you a little. I'm not suggesting that you keep the information from them, just wait a few days before you tell them why you don't drink.
BTW - I'm married to an alcoholic and I wish he had your courage to quit drinking.
2006-07-21 17:29:50 · answer #6 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're up to the point that you would be this desperate, then go ahead. But do tell her when she falls in love with you. It's probably not you, but to be honest with you, you should be married with kids at your age. Try seeking love in reality, instead of the internet.
~Thomas
2006-07-19 15:24:01 · answer #7 · answered by tomhanken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋