How important is this?

Question

A good sense of humor when you first start dating someone. I used to have a good one until I went to Iraq (or so people say). During my tour, I began to look at some pretty awful things humorously, and a lot of girls don't like it. It's how I coped with the realities of war, and I don't try to do it now that I'm home, but sometimes it just comes out in conversation. I'm not a cold person, and It's not like I make fun of death in general. Is this a deal breaker, or are girls willing to overlook something like that?

Answer 1

A good sense of humor is essential, but if your sense of humor has been molded by unusual circumstances then a common frame of reference is helpful. An individual's sense of humor and their ability to define something as humorous is based upon a common set of experiences that establish a common frame of reference. If they people you're speaking to don't share that with you, they'll apply their frame of reference and your humor will be misunderstood.

This should not be a deal breaker. It should be part of getting to know you and getting to know what events in your life shaped who you are today. The good and the bad.

Answer 2

A good sense of humor is what helps one cope with the situation. Of course not everyone understands why you might talk or joke about Iraq. It is better to get it out of your system as opposed to keeping it inside of you.

A girl that truly loves you will learn to listen and gain an understanding of why you are the way you are.

I clearly understand, my brother had a childhood friend that went to Iraq and is back home and he is the same way.

Sometimes a little bit of counseling will help as well.
Hang in there, I know it's not easy. I am sure you have been through a lot. I hope that people can learn to be more compassionate and gain an understanding of what the problem is.

Answer 3

I wouldn't necessarily consider it a deal breaker. I know what you mean about having a "morbid" sense of humor to survive and cope with the realities of war. I worked with battered women for 11 years and if anyone outside the group were listening they'd have thought we were sick and twisted because of the things we joked about. It was the only way to stay sane. If a girl is attracted to you and is willing to take the time to get to know you I think it could work out. But it seems as if you are bothered that you are still making jokes about it. If that's the case you may want to consider counseling to deal with any lingering issues you have as a result of the war.

Thank you for putting your life on the line for freedom. I pray that you will have a long and happy life. God bless!

Answer 4

Keep your head up! There are some people out there caring and understanding enough to deal with this. God Bless you for your tour and what you and many like you have had to endure. My best friend is a police officer and she has a very.... for lack of a better word... Dark sense of humor. I completely understand this because I hear about some of the things she has to go through and see. It is a defense mechanism to keep your sanity in an insane world. You are doing nothing wrong and you will find someone special who is not so superficial and caring enough to understand the way you have to deal with things. Once and again THANK YOU for what you do and God bless you.

Answer 5

A lot of cops,emts and medical people have the same type of humor. It is dark humor that most people don't understand. Some do though, so don't despair. it is a coping mechanism to facing enormous stress and traumatic situations.

I know, I was an MP in the Gulf War and then later worked in an ER at a hospital. It's how we deal with things.

Answer 6

Depends on the girl.
I can't go to wakes. I'm the person in the back of the room making the jokes that make everyone around me laugh really really loud. You know the type--the little old ladies tsk tsk and say "look at that one"...I'm the one that when the family that was missing was finally found, swept away in the rising waters of the flood, I do the Chris Farley "in a van DOWN by the RIVER" imitation (arms swinging and all, it is pretty funny if you're in a skirt).
Get it? There's someone for everyone out there. Miss Priss might lead you to Miss Right, so keep on checking us out.

Answer 7

You haven't found the right girl yet. Some folks can appreciate a really cynical or macabre sense of humor - others are too... delicate. Once someone gets to know you they may be able to appreciate your particular style of humor. Try dating in the North-east states - you may find your match.

It's better that you should be your true self and not try to hide the real you.

Good luck

Answer 8

doesnt matter what life deals out to us humor is a great way to deal with anything.
woman like a laugh and it would help but ithink there is someone for everyone no matter what .
you might be dealing with a bit of stress i think and i dont blame you if you are .
a lot of people put stuff in this site saying yer lets blow the crap out of these people and getting off on the fact .
but they forget about the people like you that have to do the dirty work good luck in the future and im sure there is a woman out there for you.

Answer 9

I don't think it is a deal breaker. But if you use your humor in a way to hide your emotions, that is going to be a problem with a woman. We want to help you work through them and be a sound board, once the relationship has gone deeper, but of course not all things can you express I am sure.

Humor is great! I think it's attractive....my BF is hilarious, but sometimes he uses his humor too much to cover his feelings and make fun of things that bother him and I don't like that.

You might want to go to therapy to help with the Iraq stuff....you need to free yourself of that. And return yourself to being free inside again.

God Bless and Thanks for your hard work in Iraq!

Answer 10

A good sense of humor is very important, in my opinion. But, there's a time to laugh, and a time to be serious. Death is not a funny matter to most. So just be careful what you joke about.