How to deal with general social awkwardness and apparently being too direct.?

Question

Just for a little bit of background on me, I'm 23 and I didn't attend regular school when I was younger as most young people did. Instead my parents hired teachers /private tutors who taught me and my siblings every day. So outside of some science classes and drivers ed in High School, I never actually attended regular school to get socially adapted to the rest of society. Once I got to college I made friends reasonably easily but people say I am very cold and direct in my approach in talking to and dealing with people. It's something I'd like to change but I'm not particularly certain where to begin. I'm now done with college (and have been for a year) and am just trying to better communicate with people in general.

Answer 1

Your lack of public education may or may not have something to do with that. I went to school like everyone else, and I have the same problem. I am 38. My friends adore me and value my blunt and to the point attitude. When I have asked them how I can change who I am, they laugh and say, "People just don't know you. I wouldn't want you any other way. I appreciate your honesty, and those that don't, just don't like hearing the truth."

My point? Good luck. I haven't figured it out either. I do try to be very conscience of how I respond to people, but sometimes I just slip into autopilot, accidentally. Even my son notices and comments occasionally on it. He has been the best help as he will point it out as it is happening, and then I can apologize and try to change how it is I am saying something.

Just remember, as awkward as this is for you, it is you. It is a gift that most people do not have. Honesty and bluntness can be a blessing sometimes, and most people don't have it at all.

Answer 2

A couple of things you could do:

1) Read a book such as, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and "The Art of Small Talk." There are self help books out there that give you tips on how to better communicate with people.

2) Join an organization that interests you, and go to their social events, or go to social settings that you wouldn't ordinarily go to. When you go, there will probably be someone there by him or herself. Go up to them and strike up a conversation.

3) Also, what is the deal with people saying that you are very direct and cold in your approach? There will always be people in this world who will like you, and there will always be people in this world who won't like you, no matter who you are and how you come across. But I suppose it's the art of moderation, and knowing when to be direct and when to be indirect. If you don't know someone very well, then the indirect approach might be more appropriate because you don't know how they will react to certain things. Also, you can always phrase things directly, but nicely. For example, if your friend asks you, "does this dress make me look fat?" Rather than saying, "Heck yeah! You look like a beached whale in that outfit!" You could say, "well, honestly, that dress doesn't flatter you. You should go with a brighter color." That way, you get your message across, but it doesn't hurt the other person's feelings.


I hope this helps!

Answer 3

I was raised in a public school and blah blahblah, but I got to know many many many people in my travels, and developed a blunt and rude attitude toward people in general. ( I hate stupid people) Most people don't just come right out and say what they mean, this is a problem. People get offended when others do. What you say and mean may be diff. from what they hear and interpret. I took an interpersonal communications class in college. This helped be to redirect what I was saying so that I still get my point across without being so offensive. A little x-tra school can never hurt. Or just go to your college and buy a interpersonal comm book.

Answer 4

I sincerely have this problem too, I do have many friends now though. This is only because I have learned the hard way when people ask what you think they do not want to know 9 times out of 10. You try to tell the truth to help them don't. As you get older you will make friends with people and realize which of those friends really wants you to be straight with them. Hang in there, unfortunately people are just to sensitive if you ask me!

Answer 5

There are positive truths about people and negative truths.

No one wants to hear negative truths about themselves from someone who just claims they are being honest with you. Then..they blame their mother saying "my mom always taught me to be honest".... The truth is they are being cruel and using honesty as a crutch to get away with bad manners.

You use the word "direct". Can't be sure exactly how "direct" you are.

Until you have a handle on communicating, be slower to speak, and...think of the other person before you speak. Good Luck

Answer 6

The best way to improve is....practice! Subject yourself to as many social situations as possible, and watch how people interact. Watch their facial expressions, how they speak, and thier body language. As silly as it sounds, you can stand in front of the mirror and have a conversation with yourself, taking care to observe your own facial expression, tone of voice, body language, ect. so that you can get an idea of what the other person sees when they interact with you. Pay special attention to non-verbal signals that you may be sending, wanted or unwanted! After a while, you'll start to pick up some communication skills that you can use with your own unique flare. Practice reflecting these skills in as many social situations as possible. It can be uncomfortable an awkward, but after a time, you'll find conversation flowing more freely and that you'll be able to express yourself in a more friendly way.

Answer 7

One thing you can always rely on:

Everyone's FAVORITE topic of conversation is him/herself.

Whenever you're not sure, fake a little interest in the other person's life (without getting TOO personal), and watch them all of a sudden open up, and they'll consider you a great listener.

If you can't do this, then you really don't want to become more sociable, so just drop the whole project altogether.

Answer 8

Try to really listen, and then think before you answer. Think about what you want to say and how the person you are talking to will feel when you say it. Then, phase you answer to not hurt them but still get your point across.

Answer 9

You might try to record some past conversations and maybe play them back to see what you can change. You might also try doing this with friends, that way you can get better critique.

Answer 10

keep on meeting different folks, try to know them, try to analayze how other peole behave and how they treat you.. think of the things they do that pleases you.. then try behaving that way as they do.. theres nothing wrong being direct, just be concious coz you may hurt or embarrased someone on the things you wanna do.

think first before acting.