I have an almost 4 year old son whom I would love to have in attendance at the birth of his sister, due any day. I'm taking a lot of heat from family and friends who say he's too young. Of course, I won't allow him a "bird's eye view", and another adult (my sister) is attending for the sole purpose of monitoring his reactions and will remove him if he becomes unhappy. I think it would not only be a memorable experience for him, but I also think not wanting to upset him may help me manage my pain and hysteria and therefore have a more pleasant birth experience. What are your thoughts?
2006-07-19 13:56:02 · 19 answers · asked by Jennifer L 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I was hoping the answers wouldn't be so mixed. I think I'll let him come since my sister will be there to remove him if he becomes agitated. He is very mature for a 4 year old. We watch birthing shows on the discovery channel together and he has never been "grossed out". I've also explained to him repeatedly that it hurts to have a baby and he might see mommy cry or yell and scream. He seems ok with it. If it happens in the middle of the night, I'll leave him home to sleep but if it happens during the day, I'm bringing him. Thanks for the advice.
2006-07-19 15:15:48 · update #1
YOU know your child best so you are the best judge of what he can handle.
Prepare him for the birth by reading books and talking about birth with him. Practice some of the noises he might hear mommy make while she is in labor. Watch birth videos or shows like A Baby Story with him.
Make sure that there is an adult who is dedicated to being HIS support person during the labor so that he can come and go if he wants to. If you are not birthing at home, make sure the caregiver has some things that he can play with and occupy himself if he needs to leave the room for a while.
Don't be afraid to ask the caregiver to take him out if you feel that you have changed your mind and his presence is impeding your labor in anyway.
2006-07-19 15:46:34 · answer #1 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I honestly think that it would be very traumatic for him to see his mother in pain. Also, it would raise a whole truck load of questions for him and he is really to young to understand the answers. I think the best thing would be to let him in right before the birth, let him see the baby in the nursery and then let him be in the room when the baby comes back. While he is waiting in the waiting room, give him a special job like updating the family or keeping track of visitors or even passing out little baby's day party favors. I think this will make him feel a part of what is going on but saves him from the very stressful and traumatic experience that giving birth can be.
Not to mention, god forbid, something unexpected happens during the birth, it wouldn't be a good idea to have him in the room.
2006-07-19 14:07:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have four children and I wanted to do that with them and the oldest was 4 1/2 at the time but I didn't because every labor and delivery is different and I am glad I didn't because I was not a happy or nice Mommy. For a 4 year old this could be traumatizing.
2006-07-19 14:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by Jill1012 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you want to share this very personal experience with your son, but I think he's too little to appreciate the situation. I also think it's unreasonable to expect him to behave in what could be a stressful situation for him. I wouldn't include him, if I were you. I don't think he'll enjoy the experience and (dare I say it?) it's not such a great idea to use him to make you 'behave' during your labor. How about an epidural and if he's curious about the birth, show him your pictures of the delivery? Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude. Really, I don't.... :) Good luck!
2006-07-19 15:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by Answers to Nurse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your right with having your sister there to watch him. Although childbirth is no scary to us it can be traumatizing to a little 4 year old who is just seeing his mom in pain and trying to understand that it is okay and natural. So I would have him in there with the guidance of your sister and make sure you are to explain to him in detail what is going to happen and it should be an awesome experience for him and everyone else in your family.
Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
2006-07-19 14:03:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that even though childbirth is beautiful and the most natural thing in the world..... It would not be seen that way through the eyes of a four year old child. I think it would be traumatic at his age. I would not have him in the room during the birth.
2006-07-19 14:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by geni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A four year old is not ready for this sort of experience. There are plenty of other things you can do to involve your child in the process of expecting his new sibling. Let him help you get baby's room ready, pack for the trip to the hospital, etc. He can be there shortly after delivery...there are just too many variables during childbirth for him to be in the delivery room, plus his young mind isn't developmentaly ready to begin to process all of the stimulation of the actual delivery process.
2006-07-19 15:09:31 · answer #7 · answered by Samuel R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have had my son in the labour room when I had my daughter, but there was no time to grab him from the waiting room (she was really quick) the doctor didn't even make it in time, luckily my husband walked into the room as she was crowning. My son was 2 1/2 at the time and wanted to be there. You should ask your son what he thinks about it. Don't worry about other people, worry about your family only.
2006-07-19 14:04:03 · answer #8 · answered by PLDFK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a homebirth with my second, and I was going to let my son attend the birth. My mom was going to monitor how he was going to react to the whole situation. However, since the baby didn't come until 11pm, he was tucked in his bed fast asleep. -- I guess you can say, he made his own decision!
I was also going to let him attend, since he was so facinated with my belly, kissing the belly, and helping my midwife at every pre-natal exam. I figured he would have loved to have seen the birth!
2006-07-19 15:46:20 · answer #9 · answered by Tricia S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it would be a great idea if you allowed your son to be in the room with you while you are giving birth.. it's a great way for him to be involved and let him know that he is still apart of the family and is still very important to you.. this will probably also help in the transition when you bring the new baby home..
2006-07-19 14:05:42 · answer #10 · answered by Roseytoes9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋