Serious Problem ! Only ppl who really wanna give advice?

Question

ok so my dad can really get mad and makes me cry a lot when i do something wrong i get punished just like everyone else but when he does something wrong ex. drink and then drive he expects me to forgive him easily y does he expect me to be nice to him and forgive him when he did something wrong well idk i try to be really good but nothing seems to work. If the only advice u wanna give me is to tell me i should c a couciler thats not going to happen so don't waste ur time pleaze help me i need to kno what i should do when he gets so mad at me and makes me cry !should i forgive him even though the mistake has happened more then once ? I can't talk to him or my mom or sister i have told no one . Pleazzz help

he has had a tough childhood so it seems like he doesn't want me to have a good one cause he thinks i don't deserve it ? i kno he is trying to make me good and stuff but id get into trouble a lot and i get good grades.

i've tried talking to my sister but she doesn't really say ne thing which doesn't help me. sometimes he just takes his anger out at me for no reason cause i guess he's upset or something

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear that....but as hard as it may be you have to talk to him.....tell him how you feel and if he is even a remotley decent person and father he will apologize whole heartedly and not do it.....but you have to initiate conversation because he probly doesn't realize what he's doing to you emotionally.....hope things look up for you

Answer 2

It's obvious he had a rough childhood, otherwise he would not react to you the way he does. I am sure he cares about you, he just doesn't know any other way. My stepfather was the same way toward me,and it may be different because he is my stepparent, but anything I did was wrong, he was very critical of me, he called me names and made me feel horrible about myself. There was nothing I could really do at the time, excecpt try to get my mom on my side, but sometimes that didn't even work. Eventually, we had a decent relationship, but it took several nights of fighting and crying to get through to him. Maybe, try talking to him when something bad isn't happening and just let him know how he makes you feel, he may not even realize that what he is doing is hurting you. I wish you much luck. Oh and believe me when a parent does something wrong, the last thing they want is for their child to notice it, so just try and understand even though what he did is wrong, he will more than likely lash out at you.

Answer 3

It sounds like your talking about my father! First of all my parents are divorced because of his faults, but here's the thing. My dad just turned 50 and I'm 25 and I talked to him in the past about my concerns and depending on the problem he would change for a while or get more mad at me for telling him "how to live his life". I'm sorry to say, but the bottom line is you can't change someone unless they want to change themselves. I feel I'm more mature than my dad and I know he'll always be selfish and never change so I stopped trying to change him. I love him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but we don't really talk anymore because he just depresses me and brings me down. He also brings his bad behaviors around my children and I don't want them to grow up seeing him how I did. So we only talk on special occasions or just to say hi and how are you. My father also had a horrible childhood, his mother was murdered by his step dad when he was 8 plus more, but the bottom line is he's suppose to be the adult and you the child. You shouldn't have to raise him and teach him right from wrong. Keep you're head up and anytime you need to make a decision in your life just make sure that your making decisions not to follow in his footsteps. If you ever need to talk you can email anytime. I think letting it out helps, but it seems your other family members aren't ready to accept what you see. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS!!!!!

Answer 4

Tll your principal or school couselor what is going on, he may have a alaanon pamphlet with ala-teen info on it. do you have a cell phone? call al-anon at 800-344-2666 from a pay phone or a friends house, and give them your cell # to call back on. Ask for ala-teen information. You may not think they care, but they actually do.
Drinking and driving is wrong, no matter what age you are, but you cannot control him, you cannot cure him, and you sure as hell didn;'t cause him to be the way he is.
Do not get in the car with him while drunk, fake a tummy ache, whatever, just stay alive.
I am sorry you are going thru this, but if you take action to help yourself, then you will actually make it through this, and you will be able to choose your own future. Don't take after him.
I used to cry when my parents got mad at me, but they never ever attacked me verbally or physically. (My ex-husband did tho)
Recognize, as you get older, you may be attracted to the same kind of guy your dad is...just a future heads up, to save you future pain. Good luck, and really, use those resources, ok?

Answer 5

Not to be too cliche, but, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." Your father is a human -- we are all fallible human beings and we make mistakes. I know you make mistakes and probably should get punished at times. I make mistakes, too. We all kinda expect our loved ones to forgive us, even when we do horribly wrong things. It may be the power of love that helps us forgive. But we do. If your father is angry with you for something you didn't do, then he has a problem and may need some help. If you are an angel (and I know you can't always be perfect) and try your hardest to obey and to please your father, perhaps he will see that you are loving and forgiving. People with drinking problems usually don't see the truth because it is clouded in a fog of alcohol. You be your best. You can give that to yourself as a present. You know you are ok. If your father either stays the same or gets worse, perhaps you should seek guidance from a professional (your counselor, for example) to help you approach your father with your concerns for his health. All you can do is fight back with love. Anger only make things worse. And if you are showing your love, it may hit a heart-string of his and help bring him back to reality. I can't promise anything. All I can do is offer these words. Good luck....

Answer 6

If you can't go to a counselor, your mom and sister are the only allies you have. Your dad's drinking is making him an a$$hole and you really need to talk to your mom about it because it's her job to protect you from him.

The only other thing I can suggest is the next time you know he's drunk and behind the wheel of a car, call the police on him and have him arrested. Then at least, his drinking will be obvious even to the rest of your family who are in denial.

And he expects you to forgive him because he's a hypocrite. It's up to you to decide whether to forgive him or not. Just don't let him hurt you. Talk to your mom!

Answer 7

There is no easy answer to your question. If you can't or won't seek counseling there isn't much that some person online can do to help you. Your father's anger is most probably not entirely your fault. He is probably mad at himself and just doesn't realize it, and projects his anger toward you and others.

You MUST find someone you can talk to about your troubles. To keep them bottled up inside is very bad for you...emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To seek coulseling, (even though thats not what you want to hear) is the only answer that I have for you. You are not going to be able to deal with this problem alone and it will not simply disappear.

Answer 8

I can tell by your note you're really struggling with this, it means you really love your dad & care about his feelings. When your dad punishes you for something it's because he knows you need to learn consequences for your actions. When you become an adult, although you aren't always "punished" for your actions, there are always consequences, weather it's from the law, your job, your peers, & especially your children. It's really hard for adults to admit to being wrong, but they know, & they beat themselves up more than you know. We all have lessons to learn here on earth, & I think you've learned that we all make mistakes, we all want to be accepted & loved, & forgiven, & it seems you already know that being so concerned about this. There's no need to punish your dad, but maybe write him a note telling him how you feel, how what he does makes you feel, & that you both make mistakes, & you understand why he punishes you, & that you need to talk about your feelings. try to understand that much of what we do is what we learned from our own parents, & maybe show him a better way to handle things with you, & mostly tell him you love him & you don't want to feel angry or bitter, you only have 1 dad, 1 chance, so think about how you want your relationship with him to be if you could change things, then approach him, he was young once too, remember that

Answer 9

IF you already have the answer then why ask. If you are not willing to accept advice then why be so critical of others trying to help YOU! That sounds like you are a know it all. sorry about you r troubles but that is your father, he needs help so maybe you should call someone for him. He he gets more violent then you need to call child protective services or see you rguidance counselor at school. Explain it as if it were one of you r friends, first. Regardless it is your dad. I know it os hard to deal with if nothing come sof it see if you can stay with granparents or aunts/uncles.Hope it works out for you.

Good Luck and God Bless

Reese

Answer 10

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's obvious that it really hurts and that it's not going to heal on its own. There has to be someone you can talk to who will help. I know you don't want to go see a counselor, but is there a teacher or a friend's mom or dad who you would be comfortable opening up to and asking for advice? I know you wouldn't want them talking to your parents for you, but maybe they could help you get some of the pain out and figure out what's going on in your family.

I also know that you love your dad or this wouldn't hurt so much. What is hard for us is that we want to help you, but we're complete strangers. There are teachers at school who are really good at helping with these problems, but they don't work in the summer.

The other alternative, and it doesn't matter if you're religious or not, but if there is a church or synagogue in your neighborhood, you could go in there during the day and ask if there's someone you could talk to. Ministers, priests, nuns and rabbis are really good at listening to problems and keeping secrets. You wouldn't have to worry about anyone knowing that you're there. And they give very good adivce. They don't charge you to talk to them. If the worst thing in the world is that you don't have someone to talk to, then this would be one really good place where you could go and have someone to help you work through the hurt.

You can't keep carrying around all this pain and hurt all by yourself. I really hope you can find someone to help you take away some of this pain in a healthy way.

Answer 11

:) at the end of the day he is ur father. so u should forgive him. im sure all fathers care for their kids, specially when they have daughters. what u should do is try not to do the things he wants u too. he is a grown up so he will know better for u, me, anyone younger than him. he doesnt want to see any stranger hurting u. try to figure it out what makes him think u r doing wrong, be friendly with him and dnt be scared to talk to him. be strong and good luck.