Stage 4 Liver Cancer?

Question

My aunt has stage 4 liver cancer that has spread to her spleen and pancreas. They said she has 6 mos. She's been very sick for 2 mos now, and was admitted to the hospital last night for pain and trouble breathing. Shes on oxygen. They said she's a 10 on a 1-10 scale. They said shes had it for prob 4 yrs. Our family is devestated. Her daughter who is my cousin, is my best friend. She's only 28, my aunts 54. Im in New York, theyre in California. I moved 7 mos ago. I wish I knew then. Does anyone have any advice or know about this. Does 6 mos mean 6 mos or sooner? or longer? Since she's so sick now, is she going to die soon? How do I be there for my cousin when I'm so far away? I dont have the $ to fly there. Death is so sad. How do you say goodbye? What do YOU say?? Im supposed to call my aunt tonight, she'll only be able to listen. What do I say without crying my head off? She's my favorite aunt, this isn't supposed to be happening. Not yet. Thanks for listening
Jenna

Your answers have been so sincere, and helpful. You all have great hearts & I want to thank you for your notes, it's been like theraputic to know people are there. Thank You ALL!!!!

Answer 1

Tellher how much you love her! And call your cousin allot.

Answer 2

First of all so sorry to hear that. Also keep in mind, that staying positive helps everyone. Sometimes doctors make mistakes and don't have all the answers. Sometimes there are even miracles. 6 months is an estimate which doctors will give. That could mean 3 months or even 3 years. There is no way of knowing. Keep in touch via email/IM or if you have unlimited long distance call her. Let her know she can call you at any time. You let your aunt know that you love her and always will. Unless you have some unfinished business with her that you need to get off your chest. Just tell your Aunt you love her and you'll be thinking about her, tell her you hope to visit soon. Losing a loved one is a very sad and tragic thing, unfortunately I know all too well what its like. I lost both parents, grandparents and my aunt. Although I never had chances to say good bye. They were very fast. Just say what feels right to you, and if you have something to say, never let it go unsaid, because you may never get the chance to say it again. Hang in there, and stay strong for your cousin and yourself.

Answer 3

My brother died of cancer but a more aggressive cancer called ewing sarcoma. I am going to answer your question based around what your aunt would want which is what you want to focus on.

Just tell her that you love her and that YOU are ok. She knows she's going to die but what she is thinking about is how her family will be. Reassure her that you and everyone else is ok especially her kids and any little ones that she's close to. Don't remind her that she's in poor condition but at the same time, if you talk about her, be optomistic and end the phone call with "talk to you tomorrow."

Most likely she does not want any words about how fine she is going to be becasue most likely the doctor has told her that level 4 you have just about less than a 5% chance of survival. Be gentle with her on the phone and don't say anything to stress her out.

Be sure to tell her whatever you always wanted to because there is no guarantee that she will always have her hearing or will always be conscious because the cancer can cause many complications without warning. Tell her all the positive things you're doing etc. Talking to her is all about HER but what that means is talking about YOU because she wants to hear positive things to put her at ease so she can go in peace.

If the doctors are saying 6 months left, she may go for that long but if she's already having trouble breathing, there's no telling. My brother was on oxygen in his last week but he's exceptional as he was only 22 and was in incredible shape when he was diagnosed so his lungs did great until he developed pnumonia.

Be optomistic but don't sit back thinkin that she'll be cured or that she has plenty of time.

As far as your cousin, just call her up to listen to her. Listening, genuinely listening will make her feel so much better. The poor baby just wants to talk i feel so bad for her so please just listen to her she is going through so much. Also get her to talk if she's not talking but dont' force her to. Just talk about whatever she wants to but if you need to talk, you can go right ahead too because she may also be your main source of support. It's going to be you and her bouncing things off each other and it will bring you two closer together. That's what happened to me and my cousin. Good luck and cry if you need to but don't cry on the phone with your aunt, be stron g for her and try to hold out hte crying for when you're with other loved ones.

Answer 4

Unfortunately your aunt will probably not live 6 months.. My cousin just lost his wife about three weeks ago from same type of cancer.She only lived about 3 month's after they found out she had it.Just try and cheer your aunt up ,be strong for her.
good luck,and Blessings to all of you

Answer 5

stage 4 is the worst stage of cancer, pancreatic cancer is fatal, 6months might not be 6 months, cancer is a virus and it spreads fast, if i were u i wouldnt say goodbye, i would enjoy the time u can talk to her, shes not gone yet, so ask her questions, so you can help keep her mind off of it. its ok to cry, its a painful expierience for all involved, just remember your not mourning death, your celebrating life. i hope it all works out for you, i have been in the same position, only i ended up getting cancer too.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your family's sorrow. My dad has lung cancer and he is not doing good either. I know where you are coming from. His new wife is terrible and won't let us see him right now. I think the best thing for you to say to her is that you love her and will pray daily for her. Tell her you would be there if there was any way you could. Lots of luck with this.

Answer 7

Jenna-

I'm very sorry about your Aunt! My heart goes out to you and your family! I don't think there is any easy way to handle death.
All I can say is be there for her as much as you can be and keep telling her you love her.

She will be in a better place & she will be out of her pain! If you believe in god, ask for help and to make you strong. surround yourself with family or friends. you are not alone!

I know what you are going thru. I am a Cancer survivor and I can tell you she really needs the love right now-hold onto that.

Take care & my blessings!

~Siobhan

Answer 8

Giving your aunt 6 months was generous. Just tell her what she means to you and of course you love her. Anything you need to tell her do it now. Her end is very near
Peace and blessings to you and your family.

Answer 9

Oh sweet Jenna, death is exremely sad, i wish i could give you the right answers but i can't. Be strong girl, sure it won't be easy if she dies but right now, she's still alive so when you called her tonight, keep repeating in your mind that, my aunt is still alive, that might help you not to cried though it won't be easy. Be strong babe,

Answer 10

jenna,i lost my dad from liver cancer last october, i do know what you are going through. the ony difference was i was with him when we died. Call your aunt and tell her everything you need to say. good luck and god bless you and your family. find a Hospice in your area. they are godsends

Jim

Answer 11

it means 6 mons or sooner. I'm so sorry about the pain and suffering you and your whole family is going through. My mother passed away from Pancreatic cancer. It was the worst experience I had to go through.

Tell your aunt you love her very much and that she will always be in your heart and you know she will be in yours.