Just found out that little sister is a cutter! What do I do for her?

Question

I just found out last night that my little sister (age14) has been cutting her arms pretty badly. She doesn't know that I know though, I'm not sure how to approach her with this because I don't really see her much. I have been trying to get with her lately but it seems that she is always doing something else and i think now that she is just trying to avoid me seeing the cuts. Please if you have any advice let me know. thanx, the big sister.

I just want to say thanx to everyone who has posted their comments, they have really helped.

Answer 1

let her know that you know...gently, and privately. Tell her how it concerns you, makes you worry for her and that you don't want anything bad to happen to her. It would be helpful (before having this talk) to look up and find some resources for her - local support groups, the name of a therapist or even a person who has been in her shoes and got through it. Tell her that you're going to help her find some help for this - because you love her.

as for whether or not to tell your parents - I personally would. If anything went wrong, you don't want to be the only person who knew the situation. But again, that choice is up to you. Having full-family support would be best for her as it's obvious she is struggling emotionally with something and will need all the help you can give her.

good luck!

Answer 2

I know how you feel...Except I was in her shoes. Doing the cutting.
You receive a great sense of power over creating something so horrible. Your very in control.
Let her know your there for her.. Do some research on it. Dont just barge in there and be all 'HEY STOP THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH...' Because that is not what she needs right now. Dont be angry with her. She is just in a bad state of mind right now.
SIt down with her and talk about it. Ask her whats bothering her. She may have a case depression. She would need to see a therapist. And maybe be put on an anti-depressant of some sort.
I really hope she gets better. Because it is never a good thing to be doing that. Good luck with everything!!
Its a very scary situation...I feel for ya =\

Answer 3

First of all, my heart goes out to you and I am so glad you want to do all you can to help your little sister.

I would do my best to get her alone to talk. I would give her examples of times you felt out of control to open the door for "out of control" discussions. Then, I would bring up that you have noticed marks on her arms and that you have been very concerned because that signifies feelings of being out of control. Let her know that she is NOT alone and that she probably just needs a little help from a professional to help her to open up about her feelings. I have heard that cutters inflict pain upon themselves so that they don't have to feel what is on the inside.

Also, make sure your mother knows what is going on so she can make plans to get her in to see a professional. This is serious stuff. Good luck to you and I hope I have helped.

Answer 4

For the love of anything that is dear to you, do NOT stop trying to get with her because there has to be a reason for her cutting...lack of attention maybe? And I dont think you should ask her about it right away because ur just as scared as she is right now. Interms of "right away" i mean, now. If by tomorrow you feel you should talk to her about it then dont ask her "why?", ask her "how?". I guess that could be a curve ball and hopefully she'll say something. Maybe you could try to figure out things she enjoy and suggest doing that. Even if she refuses, keep trying. Eventually she'll come around...she cant ignore you forever.

Answer 5

Try to talk with her about what's going on. Make sure she knows you know she's a cutter: People with self-destructive behaviors tend to try to hide it.

Involve your parents, if you can: Any cure is almost bound to involve them.

If possible, it might be good to arrange a day-long thing to start getting whatever's bothering her out. And yes, the suggestion of a hobby is a good one.

Good luck with your sister!

Answer 6

I didnt know much about the cutting epidemic but i looked this up for you it sounds like she is reaching out....

It isn’t a subject we like to think about, but the fact is, 1 in 200 girls between the ages of 13 and 19 hurt, burn, or otherwise physically damage themselves on a regular basis. About 20,000 boys a year do too. There are approximately 2 million known cases in the United States. Our teens are keenly aware of this practice. Actors like Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie have publicly admitted their experiences with self-injury. Musical artists
like Papa Roach and Nine Inch Nails sing lyrics about it.

It is not the same as a suicide attempt, and it isn’t the same as body piercing or tattooing.

Self-mutilators are usually female, but not always. It isn’t uncommon to find a self-mutilator who also has an eating disorder (again, where control is the central issue).

Most cutters operate in shame and secrecy. Others want to be noticed so that intervention can take place.

CAUSES:

Understanding why is the first step in prevention and treatment.

Some cutters have a history of sexual abuse, while others do not. Other family issues like divorce, alcoholism, emotional neglect/abandonment, and death of a parent are factors too.

Most usually hurt themselves in reaction to overwhelming stress and other powerful emotions, such as anger, shame, and helplessness. It isn’t unusual to find that self-mutilators are perfectionists, good students, and often have mood swings. Some want to punish themselves for their "imperfections". Negative body image and low self-esteem also play a part. Almost all have difficulty expressing their true emotions.

Oddly, the cutting is a release of these feelings. An escape. And provides a feeling of being in control of uncontrollable emotions. It can also be a form of affirmation, for some cutters feel depressed and numb inside, and the only way to feel anything is to feel the cut, see the blood, experience the euphoric “high” afterward.

But the relief is only temporary. The cutter usually finds himself or herself doing it again, as stressful situations arise.

It’s a coping mechanism that leads to an endless, irresistible cycle of tension, cutting, and release.

There are degrees of cutting. Some cuts are superficial or “light”, while other cuts are deep, drawing blood. Head-banging, hair-pulling, biting, and eyeball pressing are also methods of self-injury. Some want their wounds to be noticed. Others hide them under long sleeves or pants. Some cut to experience the pain. Others cut for the release of blood.

Regardless of the degree, it is the release they seek.

Granted, some depressed teenagers will cut for the attention, but this is usually a cry for help.


CONTACTS:

If you know a teenager who cuts, or suspect that one is, or just want more material on the subject, here is some contact information:


Phone:

1-800-DONTCUT [1-800-366-8288] S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self Abuse Finally Ends) http://www.safe-alternatives.com/index.html

SAFE Alternatives® (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) is a nationally recognized treatment approach, professional network and educational resource base, which is committed to helping you and others achieve an end to self-injurious behavior. The program was founded and is run at Linden Oaks Hospital in Naperville, Illinois by Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader, Ph.D.


Internet:

Secret Shame website: http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html

Young People and Self Harm: An Information Resource http://www.selfharm.org.uk
Self-Injury, Abuse and Trauma Resource Directory http://www.self-injury-abuse-trauma-directory.info
Self-Injury and Related Issues http://www.siari.co.uk/


Books:

The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self-Inflicted Violence, Tracy Alderman, Ph.D. 1997.

If you’re a teenager who self-mutilates, get help now. The problem is not likely to go away by itself. You have deep issues that need professional attention. Sometimes therapy alone will help, sometimes medication is prescribed, and sometimes hospitalization is necessary.

Therapy usually involves identifying the problem, exploring the cause, and replacing the injuring behavior with positive behaviors.


IMMEDIATE Rx

Until you get professional help, here are ten on-the-spot exercises you can do when you feel the urge to cut:

1. Call a friend.

2. Do some deep breathing.

3. Use some relaxation, Yoga, or meditation techniques.

4. Use guided imagery to help you imagine yourself in a calmer, safer place.

5. Distract yourself with music, TV, going for a walk, being with your pet.

6. Write your feelings in a diary.

7. Squeeze ice cubes in your hands until the urge to cut or hurt goes away.

8. Take a hot bath, but don’t scald yourself. This may temporarily relieve your temptation to cut.

9. Instead of cutting your skin, draw red lines on it.

10. Hit or scream into a pillow.

Answer 7

If you believe in Christ, begin praying. The root of the problem is probably too much for you to solve unless you have a degree or experience in counseling. You need to get her more help, but you also need to be there for her, to encourage her through the process of healing.

Answer 8

it is sturdy on the telephone element. attempt to help your sister as much as attainable. coach her that she shouldn't concern approximately what human beings say. be sure which you're continuously there for her no be counted. She is at an age the place everyone seems to be going to be speaking approximately her rationalization for who she is and what she does. additionally take a seat along with her mum and dad and lead them to comprehend that it is a intense challenge and that they do no longer seem to be doing that plenty if she continues to be slicing her self. only be there for her and be open- minded.

Answer 9

ok i ummm like started cutting myself and got like talked to from my friends sooo i really wouldn't no like for a sister...........ok just like take any sharp objects and hide them somewhere she wouldn't look for example in your room if she is trying to avoid you........ second you need to set a date and make her promise to c you if she blows it off do not talk to her ......then when she is in her room open the door and stand right by it and make her talk to you i'm serious its the only way ........people like me and this .....we get emotional and we have to be forced to talk to someone even if she doesn't respond you need to make sure she knows that its not helping in anyway...get her a hoobby like art......she can draw emo art all she wants its better that hurting herself ..............make sure she knows that u love her and thaat you care about her cause i always feel like beveryone hates me and i'm just a waste of space.............bring your knowlege to her gently because it hurts .............i know from experience.............take her out buy her somthin that she has wanted but not had enough money.......and do not get proffessional help because she'll think you think shes crazy and that also hurts...........make sure she knows you love her and you would do anything for her and try to be with her as much as possible so she never feels lonely........the best advice i can give u is make sure she knows you love her unconditionally

good luck!

Answer 10

Its about the sense of control that cutters feel that makes them hurt themselves (power) hating the world, and hating themselves - first of all you have to show her that you care about her, bring your parent's attention to it and most importantly - get her some professional help.