I'm a recovering alcoholic but am losing faith because I'm so lonely. Why does God want me to be alone

Question

I'm a recovering alcoholic and have been going to AA meetings for 3 years. I previously had a period of sobriety in my life that lasted 9.

I relapsed during the past 3 years several times, and my belief is God is the only think that has kept me away from a drink. I've been sober a while, but I'm losing faith quickly.

The reason is that I'm very lonely. I haven't managed to make any friends, my ex-girlfriend left me a year ago and is sober now, and has tons of friends.

I have found women in recovery aren't interested in men in recovery, and women outside of AA don't want to date a recovering alcoholic.

I try very hard to trust that God has a plan for happiness for me some day, but I'm so lonely I haven't been happy for a year.

Why does God want me to be so lonely?

Answer 1

Go to church everynight!

There are people there so you can socialize.

Also, you can focus on God instead of you. This will help you to grow and that will atract women!


Find a copy of this book too!

Answer 2

I'm sorry that your life seems so empty right now. Being lonely is very hard. I don't know what God has planned for you, but I do trust that He has a plan. A plan you won't find if you are drinking. I know you attend AA meetings. And please, please keep going. What else do you do? Work? Church? Volunteer work? Volunteering could be very good for you. I'm not saying you will find someone through volunteering. But you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself by helping others. Other people will be able to see it if you feel good about yourself and be drawn to that. Being in a new relationship when you are having trouble maintaining your sobriety could put greater stress on you than you realize. Maybe God is trying to tell you He wants you to be clean and sober for a longer period of time before He brings that special lady into your life.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I know that the only reason I have survived and thrived is because of God. Without my faith I'd have been lost a long time ago. Cling to Him! He loves you so much! I pray that you'll stay sober and keep going to meetings. God bless!

Answer 3

As long as "recovery" is the major focus of your life, you may have to put off finding a girlfriend. Is this something that you feel compelled to tell everyone about? If so, no wonder you're not having any luck.

I didn't want to enter a relationship needy or settle for someone who was needier than me; I waited for three years until I was comfortable in my sobriety and had something to offer another person. The result is that I'm happily married to a woman who doesn't drink (never cared for it), who is supportive.

If God is keeping you away from drinking, get more involved with church, you'll find a better class of people upstairs than in the basements. You sound like you've been beaten down; AA has a habit of doing that to people. As long as you identify with losers, others will see you as a loser. Religion can give a person a better self image (and I'm saying that despite being an atheist).

Answer 4

Congratulations on your sobriety; you have acheived so much by committing to recovery. Keep going to the meetings and remember how much you have gained in the last three years, and how much you have to lose. Use your sponsor and AA contacts - are there any among them who might become friends?

Your old friends were not real friends, they were drinking buddies, fellow alcoholics. You have not anything by not being with them now.

AA advises that you don't get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT) in order to minimise your chances of relapse. Easier said than done in some cases. God doesn't want you to be lonely, but he's not going to make friends appear from thin air either.

If you have a church to attend then start with your contacts there. If not, join one where the demographics are consistent with your own age group and where your abstinence will be supported. (I could recommend my own church - LDS - but that would be preaching.)

Try becoming involved in an evening class, hobbies group or friendship circle (look in your local paper). They are better places to be than the pub, even if you don't have great success meeting people there at first.

Have you tried praying for a good friend who will strengthen you in your sobriety? It worked for me!

Best of luck.

Answer 5

I'm a recovering alcoholic/dope fiend, i have been clean and sober for almost 7 years. I was very lonely for a long time also, I started looking in yahoo personals and a year later I found the woman who later became my wife. I ride motorcycles and so does she so my advice to you would be to get a hobby and then find someone who shares your interests. Don't give up, your sobriety is the most important thing in your life right now, everything else will come in time. One day at a time.

Answer 6

First off, God doesn't care whether your happy or not. Period. All he wants is you to Study his word, follow his laws and obey his commandments AND THEN, AND THEN you can't help but be happy.

I find the problem with people in reocovery, is that "that" is their whole focus in life, not just a part of it. AA SHOULDN'T HAVE A SPIRITUAL COMPONENT. period. AA should be about physical addiction and stopping drinking, not about God. If you want to find God, the next time someone knocks on your door, ask them a question you've always WANTED ANSWERED FROM THE BIBLE but never got answered before to your satisfation!!! If they can't answer it, find someone who can out there. Then your on the way to happiness. No one person will give it to you.

ALSO, your a recovering Alcoholic, why? why? would you get in a relationship with another person who's an addict and has their own set of physical addictions. Trust me, there are plenty of women out there looking for good honest men with jobs. Tons. They just don't know where to find them anymore than you know where to find the women.

I recommend you don't look so hard for a mate, but perhaps join an online "group" such as a Yahoo! Group to keep you occupied and away from self-pity and lonliness. Take up writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal, look up your "favorite" scriptures and poems and copy them, rent movies and go to the library, get a pet, teach reading free thru your local adult education center, they'll teach you how, etc. There are lots of things to "get you out there" to meet new people. You don't make new friends sitting at home, and it'll keep you from concentrating on yourself!

Answer 7

This is mean. But stop feeling sorry for youself. Your not the only one with problems. Trust me I have lots of them too. Get out. Start doing things you like to do. Get on line and chat with people. Try those find a date sites. Talk to some women. Stop comparing yourself with your ex or anybody else. Keep control of yourself and stay away from the drink. God is only a problem when you are feeling down. But did you ever consider him when you are happy. If you believe in him he is always there not matter what. God doesn't controll are life. Nor the good and the bad that happens in them. If he did we would be mindless pawns. What a life that would be. Anyway. Good luck to you. Keep sober. The bad times will pass.

Answer 8

Wow, I'm really impressed with the sincerity of your question.

I'm not so sure that God wants you to be lonely...but I'm sure He's glad that you've chosen to be alone over the option of hanging out with your old drinking buddies, or going to a bar to meet a girl. That is amazing commitment to your recovery. What's incredible, is that no matter how much we loose faith in God, He never looses faith in us.

On a side note - you might want to try looking for different ways to meet people. A community club, or hobby class, or religious group, or even dating websites. Maybe don't lay on the heavy "recovering alcoholic" thing to start with when you first meet someone, just tell them you don't drink alcohol. I don't drink (because it's against my religion), so I've said that plenty of times and it's been no big deal.

Best wishes

Answer 9

God doesn't want you to be lonely either. Take a hold of your life. I had my husband leave me after 18 wonderful years 2 years ago and I'm still not recovered. Talk yourself out of your depressed state, I do it everyday. Don't be so hard on yourself, your a person and someone loves you and likes you. Everyone makes mistakes, cry if you want it does help. Watch only comedies and no news that's too depressing. I don't drink much maybe once a week. If I get upset with my life I break something but I make sure I don't hit my cats. My motto since being a Army Brat is, "Everything is on a need to know basis, and they don't need to know." Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets, don't dwell it'll just make you crazy. Take it from a heartbroken woman who had everything.

Answer 10

God does not want you to be lonely, but He may be "bringing you through the fire" to test your resolve to trust in Him for your strength.

Don't give up.

I know from experience, that its hard, but, you should just avoid the subject of your struggle when forming new relationships. I'm not saying you should lie, just let the issue lay dormant unless it is brought up in a serious sincere discussion between you.

If someone asks you out for "drinks" just state that you don't drink and make other plans. I want to warn you that your state of mental lonliness may deceive you into thinking that the only place you will meet anyone is in the bars. That's wrong thinking.

Trust God and don't give up.

Join a civic group, do volunteer work, give your time to others and you'll be surprised how many friends will come your way.

Answer 11

First...Sit down to read this...I'm going to tell you what you need to hear...perhaps not what you want to hear.

God doesn't want you to be lonely; so get that issue resolved by not blaming God for perhaps your attitude? ((Not pointing a finger, just asking is that part of the problem))? He loves you so much and when you hurt, he hurts.

Second, stop looking for a woman to fulfill you. Only God can do that. You are looking to a human and let me tell you something...we screw up all the time. Women and men alike. We will let you down (not purposely but it happens). We will never be able to fill the void you have...again, only God can do that.

We (humans) can't make you happy...happiness is a decision you make every morning when you get up and get out of bed. If you are looking for outside stimuli for happiness, then when that stimulus is no longer there, you will be unhappy yet again.

The scriptures tell us to seek ye first the Kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place. (That's totally paraphrased). It's true though...

Get involved in your church, if you don't have a church...find one. ((If you are looking: find a Spirit filled Church that urges a relationship with Jesus and pushes away from playing "church" and being religious.)) Get involved in a Sunday School class, singles group (w/ the church), volunteer your time, get into a community group, etc.

There are many things you can do to meet more people. Be a friend; to find a friend.

Don't just be a man that prays; be a prayerful man. Seek GOD/Jesus first...always!

God knows the cry of your heart; he might be getting you ready for your next relationship. He might be getting your new girlfriend ready for you...or he might be getting you both ready for something completely amazing! Be patient. He hears you.

Grace to you and God Bless...