Should I lie about being a recovering alcoholic. Women never want to date me when they find out?

Question

I''m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can't seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don't think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I've tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don't want to date anyone that's a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don't want to date anyone that doesn't drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I'm 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don't date men in recovery. I don't think i'll ever find a wife.

It's been a few years now, and I find myself so lonely that I think of suicide alot.

My question is, since I can't seem to meet anyone by telling the truth, should I just lie about my alcoholism?

Answer 1

I wouldn't lie about it. I just wouldn't volunteer the information on the first date. You don't need to because you don't know if you will even go on another date with that person. Just take it step by step if the relationship starts to move forward then I would tell her that there is something important that you need to tell her. It's something with your past but I would start off with what you have accomplaished since you have been in AA. Just remember honesty is a good thing and if someone can't get past something you are working so hard at then they aren't for you. Dating is a hard world just keep looking, she's gotta be out there some where!

Answer 2

First of all, quit looking on the computer. You will never find the right person on the phone or through the Internet because you can't get a good feeling about someone when you can't see them. I'm not talking about looks, I'm talking about expressions people make when you are conversation with them. Body language means allot. Second of all, I wouldn't mention the alcohol thing as long as you KNOW that you will stay RECOVERED! If they bring up anything of the sort, then you have to tell them because if you lie and they find out it will be dead in the water. Just don't volunteer the information.

Answer 3

No, don't lie, but don't make it the first thing you tell someone either. Tell them on the 3rd or 4th date, unless you happen to throw up on them before that. Well, there is such a thing AS TOO MUCH INFORMATION. You don't need to run your life history by them right off, and your a recovering alcoholic so its not like your going to be dancing on the tables while your dating them. Just go to non-alcoholic places for the first two dates, then say, "by the way" and move on, this "I'm an alcoholic and its all my life is about" is such a relationship killer. First, show her YOUR MORE THAN AN ALCOHOLIC!

If your having that rough a time, call your County Mental Health Clinic and get an appointment to talk to the psychiatrist or psychologist, they base it on salary so its usually cheap for regular joes and they are great people to talk too. Good luck.

Answer 4

Never ever, lie about who you are. That is not the way to start a relationship. If you lie and find someone and the truth about being in recovery comes out that will probably put the brakes on the relationship.
I just married a man who is in recovery (I'm not in recovery) and he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with without his past. Your past shapes and molds who you are. Don't give up on finding love, (I just found love at the age of 46),the right one is out there waiting for you to find her.
I wish you peace of mind and email me if you need to talk,I'm also a substance abuse counselor.

Answer 5

Don't lie, but there's no need to advertise the fact right away. You can say you don't drink. If a woman doesn't want to date a non-drinker, she's not the one for you anyway. When you get to know each other better at some point you will have to tell her. If she knows you better, she can put that information into context and decide if it matters or not.

Answer 6

you don't have to lie or tell the truth in the beginning its kinda like don't ask don't tell. just have fun and when you go to buy drinks order what she wants then get yourself a club soda or something she wont know, and if she asks you can say the bartender mixed it up for you. if she wants a taste that's a sign shes into you. good luck. i wish my ex had the courage you have to recover from your addiction i loved her so much but her abuse was destroying me and i want to say thank you cause it take a lot to accept a healthier /different way of living.

Answer 7

Don,t lie because later on the women you go out with are going to find out soon or later you lied. tell the true OK. just wait for right women. just keep tiring to find the right women who will like you.and your pass will not matter to them OK. may be you should not tell the women you meet that you are recovering from alcoholism don't even mention that.

Answer 8

Why bring it up? Just say you don't drink. If she wants to see you on a night that you have a meeting, say that you have Men's meetings. Male perspective type of things to make you better man. After a few months of dating, come completely clean. then you can definitely say you are clean and sober. Make sure she understands that you only didn't tell her because you were afraid.

Answer 9

You dont need to lie. That's not a good way to start a relationship, women are not attracted to liars. be honest, and if she likes you enough, she wont care, if it's in the past that is.. and suicide is a horrible thought. dont rush, she'll come along. and go out, have fun!

Answer 10

There is no point to lie about,women just want honesty.Go out n socialise with people but control yourself with alcohol,just don't drink any alcohol