My ex lost it one day and tried to choke me. It was once and he has gotten help, do I go back to him mor not?

Question

He spent time in all sorts of anger management and violence classes. Is this a good idea?

Answer 1

NOOOO!

he sounds dangerous, don't go back to him unless you really adore him and are literally willing to die and be beaten up for him.

good luck!

Answer 2

Have you ever slapped him?

If so, why wouldn't he have the same impulse with you?
The major difference here is that he (by virtue of his size)
is compelled to control that and you can, within limits,
get away with what would be considered assault if it
was a guy doing it.

No, I am not justifying abuse by any stretch. However,
there is a difference between repeat behavior and a
one-of-a-kind-I've-learned-something event.

If he hasn't learned anything from it, get out of there as
soon as possible. However, one event, especially if
he more surprised than hurt you is not enough to
destroy a relationship.

However: I am sensing that this is not one single event.
I sense from your description that there was a "notable"
event but perhaps others leading up to it. I say this
because I am wondering why he got help. Were the
police involved? Did he send you to the hospital?

Generally people don't get sent to anger management
classes, etc unless there is more than one incident.

You need to ask yourself if the people who sent him off
to these classes were perceiving something in him that
you cannot.

If you are really in any doubt, you should high-tail it out
of there. No relationship is worth abuse.

Answer 3

k, you do what u want to do, but if this happened to your kid, your mom or your best friend, what advice would u give them? I think u really need to sit back and think about a few things, like how long has it been since he's "gotten help", have u been in any situation since where he got that angry again but didn't react? Do u even know what set him off? Does he have a history of this with past ex's?
do your homework, you'll know what to do
by the way, I know some guys who went to anger management classes several times, it's just another one of those things where u learn what to say to get the thing over with.......

Answer 4

You are setting yourself up for disaster! Why would it even be a consideration? If he did it once, with or without help don't even think about giving him a second chance to finish his job. Your life should be worth more than a roll in the hay. There are plenty of other guys out there that are not violent, and you deserve it (to yourself) to find serenity,and a sane partner. Don't you deserve the best that you can find? Remember, there are no perfect people, But there is someone that is perfect for you, Now take your time, and go find him. Good luck.

Answer 5

Once an abuser always an abuser, I know from experience that it never stops. Maybe for a little while, but never for good. It is of course your life and you will do as you wish regardless of what is said here, but please hear my words, my ex was extremely violent, for 5 years I stayed thinking, hoping, praying that it would get better, that this class or this therapist was going to make my ex well and we could be happy, that never happened and when I left I ran. And I never turned around because I knew if I did he would draw me right back in, please do not go back to this man, my abuse started with a slap, yours started with something that very easily could have killed you, not to be over dramatic about it, but that's the truth, this man is useless and you should stay as far away as you can, when I left it was very painful, I loved my ex very much but I knew he did not care about me to treat me that way and I had to protect our son. Don't let it get that far for you, Just remember, once an abuser always an abuser...

Answer 6

There is no excuse for violence. It is good that your ex went to anger management classes. Wish him luck with his life and MOVE ON! He is an abuser. They rarely change. What they do is offer lots of excuses for their behavior: "I was drunk, you made me do it, I was an abused child, I am stressed out, etc., etc., etc." You need to educate yourself about this issue before you become a statistic. Contact your local Salvation Army or a battered women's shelter. YOU need to take a class or two with these agencies. They will inform you about the controlling behaviors of abusers, and you just may see yourself in the behaviors of those who choose to be abused as they will cover that too. Most importantly, they will tell you that the cure rate for abusers is slim to none. RUN, don't walk away from this man.

Answer 7

Do not go back under any circumstances. My ex (now affectionately known as My Psycho Ex) also, like yours, lost it one day. He pinned me down and attempted to strangle me. If it was not for the swift intervention of a friend and the high heel in my hand (I stabbed him in the chest), he probably would have succeeded. I made the mistake of going back...he tried to kill me again...and I had to defend myself with the decorative sword from the wall of his brother's apartment.

No matter how much anger management this guy takes, it will not fix the problem. Do not go back!

Answer 8

No, it's not a good idea because it's just too easy for someone to fall into old patterns especially when it's with someone who they have had a violent episode with in the past. Of course only you can know whether it's worth taking that risk or not but if you do go back to him just be careful because as they old saying goes, "it's hard for a leopard to change it's spots."

Answer 9

Sure. Why not try? Keep it public - meet for coffee with the agreement that you will leave separately. Double date, lots of ground rules, stuff like that. Keep it at a distance for a while and let your senses scope things out. You will tell yourself the right answer if you can listen closely enough.

If he is sincere about making a change, he will understand and respect your cautions. If they irritate him, there's your warning. If you still go back to him then, Here's Your Sign...

Answer 10

If you feel confident that he has gotten the help he needs and you want to give him a second chance then you should. Everyone loses it at one point in their life and everyone deserves a second chance. But be careful and always remember what he done and keep an eye out for those signs. OK

Answer 11

Hunn there are all kinds of weirdo's out there make sure he has really changed if you're even thinking of having him back and it might be a good idea to double date with him. But i would first see if i would rather be with someone eles and try to meet someone new. Good luck!!
Love from Mickey