I am getting married in March and at first my fiance and I were not planning on having alcohol at the reception because his family is Mormon and they do not drink or approve of alcohol. My fiance, friends, and members of my family aren't heavy drinkers, infact we rarely drink but still want the option available.
Also, my fiance is the oldest of four kids and the only male. His sisters are all married and had very simple small mormon weddings which are different. My fiance is dragging his feet on asking his parents about the rehearsal dinner and I feel that they should host it because he is their only son, its the last wedding in the family, arent helping anywhere else, and have not spent anywhere close to a fortune on his sisters' weddings and are able to afford a simple dinner
Should I leave alcohol out because his family doesnt like it and go ahead and plan on providing the rehearsal dinner too? We would not serve alcohol at the rehearsal if his parents were paying for it.
2006-07-19 10:22:28 · 13 answers · asked by Sarah J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His parents are not contributing a dime to the reception and that is fine with me.
2006-07-19 10:31:45 · update #1
The rehearsal dinner would be simple, relaxe, very casual, buffet style at a barbeque place or mexican food restaurant and we could always do a cash bar so people that want to drink can. If his parents were paying for any of the reception cost we would not serve alcohol.
2006-07-19 10:35:01 · update #2
The rehearsal dinner and reception are two different issues. If his parents host the rehearsal there will be no alcohol. I have already planned on that. The alcohol issue is regarding the reception.
The issue with the rehearsals is hosting at all, since its not a common part of Mormon weddings.
2006-07-19 10:39:54 · update #3
Ok when I say that the rehearsal dinner would be SIMPLE and relaxed and at a barbeque place would you really think that it would cost more than his sister's weddings? His sister's dresses cost more than an entire dinner would cost. Its a 40 person dinner at about 10 dollars a head. I'm not looking at a dinner costing more than 500 bucks. It doesnt matter. I love his family, I know his family, I am fully aware of their customs. The only reason we are even having a wedding is because his mom would be pissed if we eloped, which I have strongly considered and would love but cant.
I am serving alcohol, I will pay for the rehearsal if I have to. I respect their beliefs but I am not going to do backflips and compromise my own. Thanks for your answers anyway.
2006-07-19 13:30:29 · update #4
Serving alcohol at the reception is entirely your decision. It is up to the bride and groom to decide if alcohol will be available or not. We do many wedding receptions both ways, with and without alcohol, so either way will work out.
As for the rehearsal dinner, this depends mainly on how soon the wedding will be, if it is getting close, then unfortunately I would say yes, go ahead and take it on, perhaps they will reimburse you for it.
2006-07-19 10:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by Paradise Weddings & Travel 3 · 9⤊ 2⤋
If your parents are hosting the reception, then they should follow the customs which have prevailed at any other parties they have hosted. If they usually serve alcohol, then there is no reason to NOT serve it simply because some of the guest belong to a sect of non-drinkers. On the other hand, if they typically don't serve alcohol, there is no call to serve it simply because it's a wedding reception.
While the groom's family often takes on the expense of the dinner, as well as the other responsibilities that go with the rehearsal, this is VOLUNTARY. There is no requirement that they volunteer. Perhaps if the rehearsal dinner were something inexpensive and simple, like a pizza and soft drink party, they would be more receptive to the idea of taking it on?
Have you considered that it would be very awkward for your husband-to-be to ask his parents to spend more on his own wedding that they spent on those of his sisters? You must accept that the customs of his family are different from those of yours.
2006-07-19 20:19:48 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, as you already know, the groom's parents host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, but that doesn't mean that they are obligated to do so. Your fiance has to ask his parents what their intentions are. They may already be planning on hosting it or they may not have even thought about it. He needs to be the one to bring it up though. My mom and I did the rehearsal dinner for my wedding, his mom refused to do it, so you might want to be prepared for that. What you feel his parents should do isn't really relevant, they will only do what they want and I wouldn't try to influence them one way or the other. You have to live with these people for hopefully a long time. I would go ahead and serve alcohol at the reception, your family is going to be there and no one is force feeding his family drinks. His family is being unrealistic in expecting everyone to cater to their preferences.
2006-07-19 20:15:51 · answer #3 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide for yourself if you want alcohol. Ask yourself if you want the responsibility of having alcohol (you may be held responsible if a guest gets out of hand, or drives home drunk), how you will limit comsumption, etc. I know I chose a dry wedding because it was in the mountains and I didn't want the responsibility of anyone driving down the mountain after drinking (the park also wanted an extra $200 deposit)
Talk this over with you fiance. Ask his feelings on this and decide as a couple. THere are ways to get around those who don't drink - like having some non-alcoholic sparkling apple cider (or similar) to pass around for the toast at the reception. I've been to receptions where the couple provided non-alcoholic drinks to those who didn't drink so they wouldn't be left out of the toast.
Above all - remember this is your wedding and you should be able to do as you please.
About the rehearsal dinner - maybe you could ask in a nice way. Like telling them that you're planning things out now to get rid of the worry and want a suggestion of where to have the rehearsal dinner - somewhere that is reasonable in price and has good food. See if you can come around to the subject of paying in a polite way. Or have your fiance ask them if they plan on paying for the rehearsal dinner. If you don't get an answer by Feb at the latest, then you should plan on paying for it yourself. Who knows, maybe they will foot the bill after all.
2006-07-19 17:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by kdollmusic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's an issue of religion, I think you need to have a talk with your fiance and make sure you won't be offending his family if you serve alcohol. It's just not worth it when these people will (hopefully) be in your life for a long, long time from here on out.
if it's a money issue, I think it's fine to serve only wine or champagne so there's something for a toast.
As for the rehearsal dinner, your fiance needs to get his act together and ask his parents so you know one way or the other.
2006-07-19 17:53:57 · answer #5 · answered by raquel122203 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol at the reception. Obviously, the latter won't happen due to their religion. As far as whether or not to have alcohol...that's your choice. It's you and your fiance's wedding, not theirs. However, if you know it will cause unforgivable feelings towards you two, it may be best to not have it. Have a few different punches instead or shirley temples.....good luck!
2006-07-19 17:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision to serve alcohol is yours. But let me tell you about a wedding I just did.
The reception had 2 kegs of beer on tap for those who felt the need. But it didn't take long for it to run out. The reception was near a small shopping center which had a grocery store. So a few of the guests slipped over to the store & purchased alcohol.
What proceeded after was not pretty. Nothing can ruin a gathering faster than a bunch of inebriated people.
But like I said, it's your choice.
2006-07-19 17:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, if you want your fiance's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner they can technically do it however they like. Even though it's customary for whomever is hosting to get preferences from the couple, I have a feeling that if his family holds such a strong opinion on alcohol, then they will choose to exclude it if they are paying for the dinner. If you want to make sure alcohol is an option and make sure everything is planned the way you want it, then you may have to take one for the team and pay for it yourself.
2006-07-19 17:36:15 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't start the rest of your life on a bad note with your in-laws. Heck for go the rehearsal dinner and do one for the in laws and family that dont drink and party. And later on have a let it all hang out bash with all of you alcoholic family and friends;.
2006-07-19 21:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't leave alcohol out just because some people aren't drinking. You have to provide it otherwise people will consider you cheap.
It's your wedding. This is probably only going to happen to you once or twice more in your life. Splurge a little.
2006-07-19 17:26:30 · answer #10 · answered by ekinevel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋