How come women don't want to date a recovering alcoholic?

Question

I''m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can't seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don't think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I've tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don't want to date anyone that's a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don't want to date anyone that doesn't drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I'm 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don't date men in recovery.

Answer 1

It depends on how much of your life is consumed with AA. Some recovering alcoholics (and NA people) I've known can get pretty righteous about their "recovery". It can be a big turnoff, not because of the alcohol factor, but because it's so one-track. I am not in AA or NA but my partner is 23 years NA. He doesn't drink and I am less likely to when we go places. I have been to meetings with him. But the crucial thing is that NA doesn't define his entire life. He's a person of diverse interests and happens to be in recovery. It may take years for you to feel comfortable in the company of those that do drink, but it is possible to have a "normal" social life when you are in AA. You just know that the drinking choice that others may be making is not YOUR choice. You don't need to wear a big red "A" on your forehead!

Answer 2

Women are looking for men that have their lives together; while being in recovery is a great step on that direction, you are not there yet.

It is hard because being in recovery means changing your whole way of life, not hanging out with the same people and going to the same places as it leads to the old behavior patterns. Not the best time to enter into a romantic relationship as you are still dicovering who the new, sober you is and another failed romantic connection can send you off the wagon quicker than anything else.

What activities did you like to do before you started drinking, or what are some interest that you have thought about but never done before? Getting involved in an activity that interests you and meeting up with other people, not just of the opposite sex, is a great way to make new friends and get you to stop feeling so lonely.

Hang in there and good luck!

Answer 3

let me grant you with the attitude of a ladies and ex-spouse of an alcoholic. i became married 5 months to an alcoholic. It does no longer count number that you're recuperating,inspite of the actual undeniable reality that I commend you on your attempt and genuinely choose you each and each of the fulfillment contained in the international. What concerns is that be conscious. "Alcoholic". it fairly is a small be conscious with huge implications. To a-lot of girls it is a stereotypical be conscious linked with funds dropping, actual and different sorts of abuse or probability of such, discomfort for them, and many different undesirable issues. maximum ladies do no longer prefer to probability being with someone who's recuperating from ANY dependancy via very genuine risk that that human being will backslide. they do no longer prefer to handle that. the reality is that the words "dependancy" and "restoration", are scary. incorrect or excellent, it fairly is finally the way it is. besides the undeniable fact that, the reality is likewise that in the time of those circumstances, those ladies are searching at your luggage and not in any respect at YOU for who you're and obviously discrediting an highly genuine and valiant attempt on your section to regulate this significant aspect about your self. in case you easily prefer to discover someone who respects you and values you for who you're, attempt searching in additional desirable places. Church, etc. get fascinated in particularly effective issues so as that individuals can see THAT area of you and so as that which will take the concentration off of who you've been and placed it the position it belongs it is WHO you at the prompt are! provide human beings a risk to work out the recent you and do not enable your self to achieve the perception that your attempt isn't worth it. Time heals all issues and it is going to this too. be affected human being and concentration on what you may do to boost your self-presentation. each little thing else will eventually artwork itself out. sturdy success! You not in any respect comprehend. Your poitive movements would reason the right human being to discover YOU. perfect desires and save up the sturdy artwork. do no longer lose faith in your self or in others. persistence is a distinctive feature!

Answer 4

Some women are just scared or nervous...I dont care as long as you beleive you are recovered Im fine!