What should I do to get my dad to be more cool about things?

Question

Im sure many people have very protective fathers, and my dad seems to be one of them, in his eyes, he proabably thinks Im not too matured yet. Im already 18, and he knows that I have a boyfriend and they met occationally. When I was at my boyfriend's place, sometimes I asked if I could stay over, and my dad's answers were no. But this time, it was really late and the trains were not working too well, and I asked him if I could just stay the night over, and he said it was up to me and Im grownup enough to make my own decisions, but hope i could make it back. So I decided to stay because I was really sleepy. The next morning I called him, he was like yea whatever and hang up. When I got home, my mom told me that he was quite pissed (adding on to the fact that she got home in the morning too), that he said that he wont care about anything anymore. Right now, I just want him to not be angry, and hopefully he'll accept my decisions. All I can think of right now is clean up the house

I know it was kind of a mistake to push my little freedom far off, but now I just hope he'll still be able to trust me. He doesnt seem angry now, but I should lay off the subject of staying out for a while. Thankyou for everyone's response, though I dont think I really need a lecture on daughter/father relationships :P

Answer 1

I wasn't very happy to here my daughter moved out with a her boy Friend and it bothered me because of the way we raised her with a christian back round. You don't live with a man until you are married. I know a lot of people think that is old fashion thinking, but the bible didn't change and the law of God didn't change but people did. Yes I was mad but I learned to live with it. I love my daughter and I will always love her. sure I will be upset with some of her decision but I will live with it too. Sit down and talk to your dad and see what he thinks. This is a growing time for the both of you and including your mom. You all have to respect the decisions that are made and I pray that you learn from your mistakes.

All of God's Blessings, Guidance and Love.

Answer 2

First of all, parents aren't supposed to be "cool". Second of all, fathers have a hard time adjusting to the idea that their little girls are growing up. I'm 40 yrs. old and my father still tries to tell me what I should do and questions decisions I make, so you better get used to it because it won't stop. Third, talk to your Dad. Tell him that you appreciate and understand his concerns but that you are an adult and need to start making your own choices and mistakes. I think in this particular situation, with the boyfriend, he's probably worried that you'll have sex and possibly get pregnant and parents just don't even want to think about their kids having sex. Parents try so hard to teach their kids how to make smart choices and when the kids don't then it's a little disappointing. From the sound of it your Dad's not angry but he is disapointed and worried. Try to cut him a little slack. I hope I've helped you understand what he's probably feeling and I hope you talk to him about.

Answer 3

It is extremely hard for parents to watch there children grow up and away from them. To let their kids do things that they feel very strongly is not right. This is especially true with fathers and their little girls. You may be 18 but you are still his little girl. He feels the way he does because he feels kind of betrayed. He knows you're old enough to be making your own decisions but he wants you to make good decisions. After repeatedly telling you no, you could not sleep over. He allowed you to make your own decision. He was hoping, because you knew how he felt, that you would come home. When you didn't, you broke his heart. No amount of cleaning the house can fix that.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have people in your house, but your home is empty. At least I would think that may be how your dad is feeling right about now. So you really think that you should still be having sleep overs like when you were 10. However, now you're grown up enough to spend the nite with your boyfriend.
As a mother, I'd be livid! Your decision was a poor one. Your dad was counting on you, and you let him down.

Answer 5

For your dad it isn't about being "cool" about things. It is about protecting his daughter until she is able to protect herself.

You are asking your father to be ok with you sleeping over some guy's house while you still live under your father's roof. That is asking a *lot* of a father. What do you think he is thinking? Remember, your dad was a boy at one time and is still a man. He has or has had the same thoughts as your boyfriend does, but about other women / girls. He *knows* what your boyfriend wants, and he doesn't want his daughter involved right now.

If you want your dad to be "cool" about things, be honest and up front with him, but respect his rules. If you feel at 18 you shouldn't have to ask, then don't ask. But, don't expect him to like it, and don't expect life to be peachy.

If you think 18 is old enough to be the grown up, then move out and be the grown up. Until then, expect him to be the grown up for you.

Answer 6

You just need to sit down and talk to him. It is hard for parents to let go of their kids and let them make their own decisions. If you are still living with your parents, you should try to show as much respect as possible. However, you are 18 and he did say it was up to you. He is just disappointed in your decision. He doesn't want to see you make a big mistake and get hurt. You should talk to him about how you are 18 now and would like for him to be more understanding. Tell him that you love him, and don't want him to be upset, but that you have to have room to make your own mistakes. Tell him that you had enough respect to call home and let him know what you were doing, and that you would like for him to respect you enough to realize that you are a young ADULT. Good luck.

Answer 7

WOW! What a DAD! it is stunning! My dad is an alcoholic and that i nevertheless am afraid to consult him because i do not comprehend what form of mood he's in. I stay excellent next door to him and if my canines barks I run out and convey him in so he would not call and whinge. He became also form of peculiar..his theory of a relaxing father/daughter day became taking me searching and skinning a deer or taking a excursion of the butcher keep (we raised cows and pigs) shoveling manure and baling hay. i became the son he not in any respect had i wager. I did savour each and each of the animals tho and likely would not be a groomer if it wasn't for him. yet we did bypass out on a deliver King Salmon fishing on the lake once..that became relaxing. My hubby talks alot about his dad construction autos and bypass karts with him. construction and shooting off rockets and construction tree forts. Canoeing and doing Boy Scout stuff. yet like others have said..merely being there is the most memorable aspect contained in the international.

Answer 8

He's your father... If he's said "no" everytime before, and this time he said it was up to you, inside he was hoping that you'd still come home. He knows you're growing up and that's the only reason he said it was up to you. If you know the trains weren't working all that well, you need to plan ahead, and give yourself a little more time. You're 18, believe it or not, your dad still knows what's best for you.

Answer 9

Pdonyin-O, welcome to the "tricky times". I call them that because you both have to learn new skills. Your father has to learn how to deal with his daughter that is an adult. You have to learn how to behave like an adult, so you are treated like one. For both of you these are very confusing times. He has to realize that you are interested and trying different things. That you are an adult now, (and even though he can give advice, or stern warnings) you have to make mistakes and figure things out for yourself. However, he will have a tougher time of realizing this if you are not up front with him. You have to let him know who you are now. You have to let him know that you will always need his help (to some degree), but it is now your responsibilty to take care of yourself. Just tell him you love him, but it is time for you to be you.

When I read your question, I actually thought it was my daughter who wrote this (until you mentioned trains). We are going through the same times. She has not yet learned to assert the adult she is, and I am having a hard time letting go of my little girl. Though this whole thing is hard, confusing, and (at times) very frustrating, I know I have to let go. I want her to be happy, and I'm sure your dad want the same for you. Just respectfully assert yourself, he will understand. Good luck!

Answer 10

it is hard when you are the daughter...my dad didn't exactly like it when I was late at all...when I was in high school I was 10 min late once...he like totally flipped out.

When I met my husband I stayed out all night long and he lost it and told me never to come back to his house (I was 19). At least it hasn't gotten this far yet. To prevent this from happening try living by what your dad expects from you. I know it is hard cause you are an adult but you are living in his house. Good luck with this...it is a hard one.