Hitting & Preschool?

Question

My daughter is 4 1/2. She is having difficulty at preschool/daycare with hitting (kids & sometimes teachers). Any ideas in emphasizing proper use of hands? Discipinary action (e.g., loss of privileges) has been relatively ineffective. Granted, the environment may not be conducive for her, but no alternatives are available at this time. Regardless, my daughter needs to correct her behavior.

Answer 1

I have taught preschool for 12 years and this is what I do when a child hurts someone. First I have the parent stay close by the school after they drop the child off. As soon as their child hurts, I phone the parent right away and they come and get their child. I have them tell their child "If you are going to hurt someone at school, then you can't be there." The parent then has a very boring day with the child. Sometimes I have the parent keep them home another day and tell their child why they can't go that day. It works! The children want to be at school and soon learn not to hurt others.

Try empathizing with your daughter after a hitting incident. Say "You must have been really (mad, frustrated, angry, upset) when you hit "John." What can you do next time instead of hitting?" She will learn to express her feeling rather than hit.

If you can, go and observe her preschool. When you see her hit another child, rush you that child and emphasize A LOT. "That must have hurt! You must be so mad!" Shut your daughter out. She will not like the feeling of being left out. You can also have the hurt child say to her "I don't want to play with you if you are going to hurt me!" It is a very powerful message when coming from another child.

If you can't do this at the school, invite a child to your home and try it there. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

Is she an only child ? Do you know why she's hitting ? Is it frustration ? I've two daughters and didn't have a lot of trouble with hitting but it's a socialized behavior issue. As an only child it's possible she lacks the skills to relate any other way when feeling threatened are wanting something her way. She may just respond poorly to limits being set hence hitting the teacher. Does she have older siblings ? If a parent is hitting to educate that may be part of the problem it's backfiring. The child is attempting to communicate something through misbehavior. Is it possible your daughter is unique in attachment to parents and has a more difficult time with hours of separation ? Here's my suggestion on days she can complete her classes without incident do something special with her, not for her, with her. On days she can't complete her classes without hitting find a forum for reflection and allow her to vent the frustration. If this become a punitive issue you'll only force her deeper into the communication frustration and exacerbate the behavior. It's great to see another father at least considering other methods for dealing with their children. Be encouraged this doesn't have to be a bad thing it's possible she's and intelligent child who recognizes the stifling quality of the school structure. The fact you qualify your comments with "the environment may not be conducive for her" tells me you have some concerns. Have her make a good thing about my day and a bad thing about my day picture. Then dialog with her and let her know that using crayons is a way of communicating and a better way to use her hands. If this doesn't work tell her she'll be 15 someday and if she continues she'll ruin her nails hitting other people.

I also think trijoy makes a good point on setting a firm/stern limit about your expectations. Sit down let her know "we don't hit" and offer positive reinforcement when that expectation is met. In the car on the way to school remind her what don't we do "we don't hit" and "when we get fustrated and want to hit we put ourself in a timeout, draw a picture, read" leave it at that. Offer her alternatives for expressing fustration. I would use the we statement so she doesn't feel islolated, likes it's all her problem.

Answer 3

If your daughter is 4 1/2, then she is too old to be hitting. I work at a daycare and see this kind of behavior all the time in smaller children, once in a while I see it in older children, but it usually means that there is some kind of frustration or other kind of problem that the child is experiencing. Talk to her and ask her why she is doing the hitting- if there is no apparent reason- then she needs a good old fashion butt whooping!

Answer 4

I have the same problem except my daughter is 2 1/2
What someone posted earlier about it being about what they see is true b/c my sisters are always hitting each other ( only playing around tho) and she thinks its funny to hit some one and believe me its been hard trying to get her to stop
but i think since you are the father it will be easier for her to listen to you when you tell her "no" because something about a man's voice makes kids listen
with my daughter she thinks i am kidding but i've tried timeouts and taking toys away spanking or a slap on th wrist and she stops but the next day it is the same story all over again

Answer 5

Does she hit you? You can deal with it when she's with you, but if she's only hitting when she's at preschool, there's not much you can do.

If she hits you, you grab her hand and get down on her level and say, "we do NOT hit" and make sure she knows there will be consequences next time. That should be the only warning she gets. The next time she hits, you smack her hand and tell her "I told you, NO hitting." I know, it feels hypocritical to hit for hitting, but I promise id you're consistent, she will get the point.

At 4 1/2, she is old enough to understand and you should also talk to her and tell her that there will be consequences if she hits at preschool.

Last thing, I know from experience that when children lash out, they are feeling ignored or not getting enough positive attention, or maybe resentful because of being left. You have to be loving in your handling of the situation and make sure she knows that hitting is not acceptable. Good luck!! : )

Answer 6

Children emmulate what they see around them, or what is being done to them, so you may want to check the environment she is in and people she is around to ensure that it's not something she is seeing. Also timeouts may help, 1minute for each year. And finally sometimes a firm slap on the wrist further emphasizes that hitting is wrong if the behavior continues.

Answer 7

I totally sypathize. My child is also four and a half and while in preschool started hitting all the time. What I have found is that he gets really frustrated and doesn't know how to express himself. I have really started encouraging him to USE HIS WORDS. His words are (I don't like that) and (Don't hurt me). I often hear him using his WORDS with his brother or sister. If your child seems to be hitting just to be mean, try finding out why they feel like being mean. My child feels like being mean when he is left out. As far as discipline goes, let me know if you find something that works. Good luck.