When I was growing up I was always fending off rude pinches and grabs from my father. He often "accidentally" came into my room when I was coming back from the shower and changing. He flirted with my friends and often made rude comments about women's bodies. Sometimes I would wake up to find him staring at me wearing nothing but underwear. A handful of times, he got into bed with me and touched me. I told my mother about all of this. I started complaining at the age of 14. She discussed it with him and he told her he just didn't want me to grow up to be a cold woman. Over the years. I have told him not to touch me and then, when I haven't said anything for a while, he will start making the old moves again. Now I am 36. I had another talk with my mother and told her to talk to him again. I also told him I never want him to touch me again. This problem has plagued me for my whole life and has seriously affected my self-esteem and my relationships with men.
2006-07-19 07:42:15 · 36 answers · asked by ahhihello 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you for all of the responses. It's good to be able to get so many responses to a question like this. I haven't discussed this with that many people so it is just good to get your opinions. It gives me confidence to note that they are consistently against my father's actions. Many times, I was made to feel that I was being unreasonable, too cold, and too distant.
2006-07-19 08:11:55 · update #1
This is a difficult situation since you clearly don't want to tear your family apart. At the same time, however, your father has no right to be physical with you. If things continue even after your mom speaks with him, you should distance yourself from him as much as possible. If problems persist or you cannot leave, a restraining order to keep him away might be a wise course of action. This is a pretty large step, though, and I have a feeling you are looking to resolve this without such legality. Aside from this option, though, it looks like you've exhausted all of your choices. It might be traumatic to your family, but at least it will keep him away and drive home the message that you're serious.
2006-07-19 07:48:46 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geeeez I am sorry to hear all this. Sounds like your dads is a real creep and your mom is in major denial. I think it would be great if you could confront him and say bluntly that you didn't appreciate being violated as a child, and as an adult you will not put up with it. Then stay the hell away from him. He is your father, and maybe you do want to be with him sometimes, so my suggestion would be to have visits ONLY when you can bring along your husband, or a friend. Good luck honey.
2006-07-19 07:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If true, and you have no reason to make this up, he is a sick man. If he would behave this way to his daughter, he will certainly do so towards any other female with whom he can take advantage of a situation. Odds are, he may have already abused other females as well. Your mother is living in denial.
You are right to take the stand you did, but I worry he has harmed others and will continue to do so. If you are aware of any girls with whom he might have contact, you might do some checking to see if he has sexually abused them as well. Its one thing to flirt. But the other things you have mentioned denote a sick person.
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Three more things:
1. Its not your fault. Don't accept or assume blame or guilt.
2. Unfortunately, it is a too common occurrence. There are others like you out there. You are not alone
3. Not all men are like this person. Remove him from your life. Get counselling. Heal. FInd a good, worthy man, which you deserve. Don't deny yourself a normal, natural loving relationship because of this pervert.
2006-07-19 07:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. October 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very hard answer to come up with! I'm sorry that happened to you. i would keep up my defenses if I were you! If you have children never take them around that bastard and I hate to say this but if your mother only had a talk with him then she takes part of the blame! I also wouldn't say overly affectionate but a perverted freak. If it has affected your self esteem so greatly I would also think about counseling.
2006-07-19 07:47:56 · answer #4 · answered by kristina N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sooo sorry to hear that your child hood was robbed from u by your own father. I hate to say this BUT your mother is JUST AS GUILTY she knew he was doing it and let it go on and on! She should have stopped it right then and there but she chose to ignore it instead! Im sooo sorry for u! My heart is with you! The only thing u can do is get counseling and live things one day at a time! Make sure when u have kids to keep them away from him! If he did it to u he will do it to others! God bless u
2006-07-19 07:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father is terribly misguided. You have made attempts to speak with him. Even you mother has spoke to him. Now you need to take your self out of the situation if you are not comfortable. I am sorry, you may have to lose contact with you father in order to regain a sense of self. You should also seek counseling to deal with the issues you have with relationships and men. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-07-19 07:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by quiet_angel1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
humm it seems that telling ur mom.isn't doing the trick.so the next step is to get the cops involved.cause he's only going to keep on doing it.until you get the cops involved.he shouldn't have started touching you like that period.Now he has you afraid of men and that's not good. you shouldn't be afraid of men.and you wouldn't be afraid of men or have a self esteem problem. if you're mom would have been on ur side. in the beginning of all of this.cause ur mom should have not let that keep going on like that.no matter what age you are. good luck and i hope this helps you out.
2006-07-19 07:52:54 · answer #7 · answered by Angel sent from heaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GOOD FOR YOU for telling him not to touch you and for being straight with your mom. My dad did almost exactly the same things to my sister and I as kids and teens and it has affected both of us as well. Your dad really needs counseling. He's a child molester. Him telling your mom that he didn't want you to grow up to be a cold woman is one of the most infuriating things I've ever heard. I'm so sorry for your situation, but you did the right thing. Keep it up.
2006-07-19 07:52:47 · answer #8 · answered by Danaerys 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is like he is abusing u, if your mother had tried to talk to him and he don't listen u need to set a limit tell him that if he keeps on touching u that u are going to do some thing. You need to defend your self like a women that u are don't let this keep on going do some thing about it. is better now because there might be some other girls who were in the same place as u
2006-07-19 07:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang! If I was your mother, I would be outraged!!!!!!!! AS I AM NOW!!!!! Your dad is sick dear...I am sorry... You really need to get this solved. Violently tell him to "Never touch you again!" this is very serious...you need to tell someone who will do something about this...I do not care if you are scared. I went threw the same thing.... (With a relative) this has affected me to. You need to make some kind of threat. Like “If you touch me like that again I will tell EVERYONE you know!" that should do it. That is what I did...
2006-07-19 07:53:12 · answer #10 · answered by KeLs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋