My best friend of 8 years is getting married in December. She told me she wants to keep it really simple and I completely agree with her. She has so many people offering help (including me) with the planning. I'd really hate to seem selfish and nosy, but is it rude to ask to be a bridesmaid. I'd truly be okay if she didn't ask, she did after all invite me to the wedding, but I'd really love to be included in the process. Is it a bad idea to ask?
2006-07-19 07:22:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks for all the great tips. I had the same feelings as most of the answers but I just wanted to hear it from someone else.
2006-07-19 08:03:53 · update #1
Yes. Don't want to seem mean, but if she wants you as a bridesmaid, she'll ask. It's a lot of pressure to put on someone to have to tell you that she doesn't want bridesmaids at all or that she has chosen someone else. You can still be included in the process by offering to help in other ways. That may even motivate her to ask you since she'll see that you are so helpful. Good luck.
2006-07-19 07:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by jllesick 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I hate to say but yes, it's very rude. It would be a lot nicer to say something like "Have you decided if you're going to have bridesmaids yet?" instead of asking her something that could be misunderstood as you basically inviting yourself into the wedding party.
It's not really that the asking itself is rude, it's more that it's her job to ask bridesmaids. The thing is, I went to a bit of trouble to ask my bridesmaids to be in the wedding. I made them CDs and painted those CD tins, you know the ones you get from AOL in the mail - I painted them for the girls, and it was a really big deal to me. It would have been awful if someone had taken that away from me.
The other reason is, I know she's your best friend but the fact that she said to you it was really simple...maybe she doesn't want bridesmaids or just wants one person, a family member, or any number of other scenarios. And if that is the case it is probably going to be really hard for her to tell you no when you asked.
My husband is part of a group of 4 friends since high school. One of them got married and one of the guys was left out of the wedding party. Well, that guy assumed he was in the wedding party even though no one asked him and it was really awkward for everyone. The bride and groom decided to just let him be in the wedding party because they didn't want to embarrass him but in the end it wasn't what they wanted - the sides were uneven and it just wasn't what they had expected.
I know that was all a lot to read but all I really meant was, if she wants to ask you to be a bridesmaid, let her do it on her terms. And if she doesn't for whatever reason, putting her in the position to choose is awful. Try asking her if she's chosen her bridesmaids already and just see where the conversation goes.
2006-07-19 07:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is bad to ask. The bride chooses her bridemaids and only the bride. With our wedding, we wanted to keep the bridal party small because if I had one girlfriend, I'd have to have 4 others in there too...so we just had a maid of honor, best man, and two flower girls. I actually had a girlfriend who was coming in from out of town ask me 3 months before the wedding why she wasn't a bridemaid. I thought that was VERY RUDE!!! I had told her a year prior that the bridal party was going to be small and only consist of a maid of honor and best man. I think it bothered her because I was her maid of honor at her wedding 5 years before.
OK but anyway, don't ask. The bride has a lot to do right now and she doesn't need friends begging her to be in the wedding. Hopefully she chooses you.
2006-07-19 07:57:10 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I feel it can be rude not to mention TACKY. Wait it out, perhaps the Bride could be going through what I recently did. I HAD to ask my Sister-in-Law first (Being family & all) and she didn't think she could commit completely w/ being a stay @ home Mother of 3. I was secretly happy that I got to ask my best childhood friend, the person I wanted in it from the beginning. She accepted. Everything always works out. Keep your chin up! :-)
2006-07-19 08:26:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a million. bypass on your library, book position, or Amazon, and seem for DIY/funds wedding ceremony books. There are a million techniques to maintain money, from having the marriage on your own outdoor to asking a relative to bake the cake. some will be only accurate for you and some received't. %. up some interpreting textile and take up each of the concepts that you'll be able to. 2. interior the US, bridesmaids and groomsmen in many situations pay for his or her own dresses (bridesmaid gown or tux, shoes, upload-ons). it is known for the bride/couple to pay for the hair and makeup in the adventure that they are insisting that the bridesmaids use a particular hair/makeup service. in case you do not opt to pay for his or her hair/makeup, then tell them that they are welcome to do their own or bypass to their own salon and they can get it done notwithstanding they prefer. yet in case you go with that the bridesmaids use the hair man or woman coming on your position, or the makeup man or woman who you've booked, then you honestly might want to pay for it. 3. the accurate thanks to maintain on foodstuff is to make your recommendations up on a venue the position you could deliver you own - a park or coastline the position you could grill (employ a relative/pal to guy the hearth) and produce area dishes, operating example. in the different case, you're going to have your venue and local caterers what their prices are for diverse meal concepts. %. 4 or 5 places, call, and ask in the adventure that they can deliver you a cost record or take notes on what they say. 4. My own perception is that if a pair is mature sufficient to get married, they must be mature sufficient to pay for his or her own wedding ceremony. If a pal volunteers to contribute some income the direction of the marriage, fantastic. If no longer, they ought to not ask yet must have a wedding ceremony that they could have the funds for on their own. If meaning a reception on your outdoor with cake and punch, then that is what it skill. If, at 20 years old, you aren't to any extent further able to have the funds for your "dream" wedding ceremony, both decrease your expectancies or wait till you've kept sufficient money.
2016-10-14 23:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
XXXXXXXXXXXXX I think you should wait and see what happens. Being a bridesmaid is a special position in a wedding for the Bride. If she wants you to she will ask you, otherwise you will be putter her on the spot. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-19 07:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uhm..yes its rude..its her decision not yours.....one of my dearest friends was a part of the wedding but wasnt a bridesmaid..made she has other plans for you...dont ask her....
2006-07-19 07:29:21 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it would be rude to ask her. Just tell her if she is needing to fill that postion you are there for her. and if she would like any other positions filled tell her that you would be willing to do that as well. Just let her know that you are more than willing to step into any role she may need to fill.
2006-07-19 07:45:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally i think if u do it in the correct way it shouldn't be a problem. she's probably more concerned about hurting feelings than anything if you do ask make sure you make it VERY clear to her that you will not be upset if she says no... also take in to consideration she hasn't asked for a reason whatever it may be?? good luck!
2006-07-19 07:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, sounds tacky. She may not have a wedding party after all. Let her come to you.
2006-07-19 07:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by mergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋