What can you do about a 16yr old who lives in your house but refuses to go to school or follow any rules?

Question

My teen daughter keeps getting into trouble in school and with the law. She doesn't care at all about anyone but herself. I am drained emotionally from being responsible for the things she does wrong, it is I who has to pay her fines and I dont even have a job to pay those fines. She is taking drugs, having sex and continually running away from home. Should I have her emancipated?

Answer 1

Act like you don't care. stop feeding/supporting them as much as possible. They will come around.

Answer 2

You can have her made a ward of the state. You can have her arrested. Contact Child Protective Services or a social worker about resources in your area. You can refuse to pay her bail when she is arrested. You should also make sure she does not have access to a car you own. If she drives it and hurts someone with it, you can be held liable. There are things you can do but it is a lot of work. You can turn her into the police for drug use and have her court ordered to undergo drug counseling and testing. You can contact the parents of the boys she sleeps with or if they are old enough have them arrested.

Even if you have her emancipated, you can still be held liable for some things she does, particularly if she uses property that belongs to you to do them. Be careful how you go about this. As a mother it is difficult to watch your child suffer the consequences of their choices when it is in you ability to save them, but sometimes it is what is needed. My guess is it will get harder before it gets better but there is a way from here to there. Make sure that from here on out, as much as is legally possible, she takes the consequences for her choices and she is held responsible, even if it means a little extra work on your part.

Answer 3

Does she know you love her?? Do you look her in the eye when she is talking to you--or do you do all the talking and expect her to listen? Do you ask her a question and then yell or disagree with her while she is speaking? Do you respect her as a young person.......not just "your kid." She is having a hard time with life and just trying to "be somebody?" She doesn't know WHO to be. Let her be somebody to YOU.
When she comes in the room be GLAD to see her! Give her something special-even if it is only a cupcake with a candle-just something so that she will know that you think she is special. Let her know - I love you no matter what. Do you ever ever ever hug her?? You say no, she would not allow it? Is it because she thinks she is not huggable! You have to let her know you love her. Without giving up the first time you feel disappointed in her, or repelled by her or the stone wall between you (you laid the fooundation and you have helped her build it -stone by stone.) It will only be about five years until she will be a grown woman. At first, you may think you are relieved, but about five years after that you will be grief stricken that she resents you and has nothing to do with you. Time will pass faster than if it happens day after tomorrow-you will see. Make friends with her and love her now. Build your relationship now. Show her the pictures of when she was a baby-tell her how excited you were when she was born-bare your soul to her about only the good stuff - do not allow yourself to speak a word of anger or the stuff you have been saying to her. Only be hopeful and loving and confident in her. You are a person and she is a person. If the cops called tonight and wanted you to come and identify her body, would you cry and do anything to get her back?? Well, the thing to do is get her back NOW. Work on it. You work on other stuff-there is nothing more important than this. Think of how hopeless she feels - picture what she sees when she comes in and sees the way you look at her.............my soul hurts for you both.(sorry about the mispelled words- the spellcheck seems to be on the blink, AGAIN)

Answer 4

I am 20 years old and I was exactly like that at her age. My mom didnt know what to do with me either and eventually I left home and she didnt try to stop me, I was into drugs very bad and hanging out with very very bad people that were much older than me. But I snapped out of it one day and had no help from anyone and I turned out just fine. All you can do is let her know you love her and that if theres a particular thing bothering her making her feel like she needs to act out like this that she can talk to you and youre not going to judge her or be an jerk about it. Maybe she will come around. I would not have her emancipated or kick her out. But if she wants to leave let her. She might want to come back with a different outlook on life after shes alone with no one who really cares about her as a person. Is she missing a father? Or is there a step father? That might be the problem, lack of another parent or over compensation from a step parent. I could go on forever about this, because it hits so close to home. Hope this helped some. Oh yeah and I wouldnt listen to these people about passing it of to a psychiatrist or juvenile hall, thats the main issue here, she needs more from you as her mother! I know its overwhelming but it's your job to fix these things and your relationship with her will be ruined forever if you dont patch it up now.

Answer 5

Wow! what a lot of answers, and a huge problem. I'm sure that even though your daughter is pretty messed up right now, you still love her. You remember her at 6 months and all the hopes you had for her life. You want the best for her and you want her to get her life straightened out. She is still a child and you still have the power to force her to get help. In 2 years you won't have that power and so I recommend you use it now, before it's too late. You may want to check out some local rehab hospitals, a very physically demanding job with a relative, some really good councelors and some religious advisors. You may need all of these to help your daughter. As a last resort you may want to try one of the tough love camps - but make sure you get a lot of referrals and check it out in person. Some of them are downright dangerous. Be prepared to spend a lot of time and a good deal of money helping her get straight. But it is a small price to pay for getting your daughter back.
Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 6

Put her into that Tough Love program where she lives with another family. I know a woman who had the similar problems with her daughter. The Tough Love family straightened her daughter out. If the program doesn't work or isn't available in your area, emancipate her. I wouldn't pay her fines, let her go to jail and learn the hard way.

Answer 7

I would definitely have her emancipated. If she feels that she is old enough to take care of herself then she can go out and get a job. She will then have to pay rent and be responsible for herself. I am very sorry to hear about your ordeal and good luck. Plus if you just throw her out then what could happen is you will go to jail for abandonment. Also try to take her to your states department of children and families. There maybe something that they can do for you. She maybe eligible to go into some type of program for troubled teens.

Answer 8

You tell her she has two choices she can either follow the rules or she can start living as an adult. First step is to kick her butt out in a different town. So she cant get a friend to help her crash.

Or You start being a parent and you Grind her freedoms to a halt.
She can not do anything anywhere till she shows some responsibility. and small rewards for what she does.

Answer 9

They call it tough love, If she won't follow rules and gets in trouble all the time . Stop bailing her out of her trouble. Truency officer will work for not going to school.. And what i did with my daughter was got her a baby sitter. and out of the home in a day care. it will likely embarrass her and you can go get a job to suport you that way.. When she gets in trouble the state will take care of her.. That is the only way that they are goiing to learn is to be somewhere that they don't let them do the things that they are doing now to get in trouble. she will soon beg to come home..
If she says she is going to run away , pack her bags for her..
Relieve yourself of the emotional up heaval that she is causing you in your life.. it is soon going to affect your health..
she will realize how good she has it when she has had to take care of the problems she has caused on her own..
going to court to have her emancipated cost money too. so let the state take over where you can't deal with it..
she will grow out of it.. take care of yourself.

Answer 10

Wow does that sound familiar! She needs HELP, quickly. There are specific parents support groups you can join who can help with this, Also, hopefully in your area there is a mental health center who you can turn to for support, guidance; and counseling. At present she is on a treadmill to oblivion but unfortunately the average 16 year old somehow thinks they will live forever. She may need to be hospitalized in order to ( I hope) get to the core issue. Often without meaning to be at all, parents are a part of the problem. This I know from experience. However, placing "blame" will not change anything. I hope you both get the help you need. Please keep trying, and if all else seems to fail do take care of yourself. She will continue on this path unless and until she learns better, and if she makes it thru' her adolescence it may take her as long as her own lifetime to come to terms with herself. In the meantime, be good and kind to YOU, and find others in your situation to communicate with and gain strength from.

Answer 11

I was like this when I was a teenager. My mom would never give up on me but the last time I ran away she was done putting up with my bull ****. She told me when I finally called her that I wanted to be on the streets all the time and now I had the chance. There was more behind it then that though. But from experience yeah the next time she runs away let her and tell her to not come back until she realizes what a good mother you actually are for putting up with her crap. Good Luck!!