What advice would anyone have for a stepmother of 2 boys with ADHD, what tools have you found to work?

Question

I have a 7 and 6 yr old who both were diagnosed with ADHD. My 1 yr old is showing no signs of it, but does imitate their behavior of course. Medication helps the 6 yr old, but the 7 yr old has not done well with medication and is no longer on it. Dealing with them each day and fighting over the same basic things that we were told would be good for them to do, (cleaning room, getting dressed, brushing teeth) always results in arguments. What works to get them to do these simple tasks without arguments, or dramatic screeches and groans?

I need to add that I would never put a 1 year old who does not show signs of any problem whatsoever on any type of medication.It is a necessity to prevent my 6 year old from harming both himself and other people as he was throwing desks and chairs at people and windows while in school. I have sat and argued with doctors about the dosage, etc to prevent either one of them from being overdosed or being placed on something that is not helping them. I removed my 7 yr old from all medication because 1)it had no effect and 2)made him ill and I refuse to allow him to be on any other types of medication. There is a possibility that the 6 yr old is also bi-polar and in that case will obviously need the help he can recieve. In extreme cases medication is a necessity simply to help a child function on a day to day basis. Their behavior is NOT normal, and therefore cannot be dealt with in a normal way. There are however simple ways of diverting them into these every day activities. Advice?

Answer 1

You seemed to feel the need to justify yourself on giving your son meds so you must get negative feedback from a lot of people. You and your dr know what is best for your son and I think it is rude for people who dont live the situation to look down on you for it. I have one child out of 5 who takes medication for ADHD. He is not "doped" up, his medicine wears off before he even gets home from school. But it helps him get thru the day so that he can learn. I think sometimes we attribute too many things to them having ADHD though. I tell my son all the time that it is not an excuse for bad behavior, that his medicine is there to teach him how to behave when not on the medicine. Even if they werent ADHD, they are 6 and 7 yr old boys, so they might still argue about brushing their teeth. Just consistently making them do it, so that they see you won't change your mind, having a good routine, regular bedtimes, etc is important. My son's hardest times are evenings or new situations. Side affect of Ritalin is coming down off medicine, they are worse than before. My son no longer takes Ritalin. It is not a bad thing to try different medicines, everyone's metabolism is different, one child's body might use the medicine differently than anothers. As my son grows, sometimes he reacts differently, and we make adjustments to his medicine. I think of it as not everyone gets the same kind of antibiotics or dosage, not everyone needs the same kind of pain relief( some moms give birth naturally, some need knocked out :) ) I have always researched drugs before I agreed to changes, and I meet regularly with his dr. and therapist to discuss behavior changes.

Answer 2

My two ADHD boys are 7 & 10, and I feel your pain! Both of mine are medicated, but as you know, you can't depend on that to solve all the problems of an ADHD child. Our behavior specialist recommended "parent training" with a psychologist specializing in families with ADHD kids, but you can also find numerous books that give great suggestions on dealing with the day-to-day things.

One of the best things we learned is what we call the "Three R's": Rules, Rewards, and Routines. Set rules and predetermine the consequences for breaking the rules. Our rules are posted in the kitchen, and the boys helped us decide what the rules and consequences would be. That way they are truly accountable for their actions. The rewards are simply privileges given for good behavior. Our big thing is video game and TV time. If our son has a good day at school, he gets 20 minutes of video game time. If he gets through all of the routine stuff without a problem, he gets to watch an extra show that evening. As for the routines, that's just doing the same thing at the same time in the same way *every day*. They really have to know what to expect. If the routine is wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school ~ *every day* ~ they know that's what is expected and they very rarely argue about it. Once in a while one of them will say "But I want to..." and I always respond "Is that what you're supposed to be doing right now?" Again, taking responsibility for themselves.

There are many different ways to approach this, but these are some things that work for us. Email me if you have any questions. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think any mom that puts her 6 and 7 year old on amphetamines to control their behavior is a bad mom. And the doctor that prescribed it should lose his license. Does anyone wonder what is going to happen to these kids that are drugged their entire life? All six and seven year old children by nature can't hold their attention for long. And one year old...you should be ashamed of yourself.

Answer 4

My child was diagnosed ADHD by my family physician, we wanted to put my child on Ritalin, I refused. So he sent me to this specialist a man and a women, they did all kinds of test on my child including allergy test and food allergy test. Verdict: My son could not have anything with red food die in it and he was allergic to milk, made him hyper. This was when my son was 2, my son is now 15 and I still need to monitor how much sugar he takes in, and he still gets hyper on milk but not as bad as he use to, he just gets so figgity that he can't sit still, leg is going or he is tapping his fingers on something. But as soon as you make him aware of it, his usually response is I had milk or a glass of pop. I am thankful to that doctor, as I have seen kids on Ritalin and yes some kids do need it, I just wanted that to be my last option. This is my experience with ADHD, I don't know if this helps you at all, but you could start monitoring at what times of the day the children get hyper or hard to handle and asses what they have eaten and just see, you were looking for anything? so why not just check it out.
Good luck to you

Answer 5

Some parents find the reward system helpful. Like in school~~they each have a chart Points are given and taken away. After a certain amount of good points they get a reward. Bad points ~~have something taken away, punishment given.

Answer 6

Sleeping pills all the time. If they're asleep 20 out of 24 hours of the day, you can cram everything into those four hours that they need and then put 'em back to sleep. The only way they'll annoy is by snoring.

Answer 7

my husband is adhd. meds didn't work for him and in general neither he nor his mom wanted him on them. one thing that helped A LOT was a change in diet. the program was through dr. feingold. see the link below.

simply put, additives and un-natural preservatives in food can create frenzy or depress him.

he also went to a special boys school throughout jr. high that was aimed at add and adhd kids. no meds were allowed there. it helped him deal with discipline on his own terms and what to do for himself when he was angry.

the diet thing may not work for your kids, but it's worth a try.

Answer 8

that ADHD is a load of bull there boys there gonna fight and tear things up.get them off the meds.my brothers have been fighting for yrs.we are older now and calm as can be.and now i have a 3 yr.old just like i was.we just let him go as long as he is safe he is fine.

Answer 9

i found by changing my kids diet by going all organic reduced adhd by 90% i ten to believe that the cause is all th chemicals in our food.