My mother and I have had lots of issues in life since I was about 7 years of age ..no joke! My mother cheated on my father, used me to do it as well. Never loved my father..said really hurtful things to me. Also would physically abused me. She has problems with her temper. I try to get along with her now, but it seems impossible she is so negative. When I see her I feel sad and depressed , sometimes even moody and upset. Any advise please. Thanks
2006-07-19 06:29:40 · 11 answers · asked by violet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The problem is easy to identify. You feel obligated to interact with your mother because she is a blood relative and society has taught us that family is everything, regardless of the actions of the people in our family.
Sounds like you don't even like this woman, though it's easy to want to have a mother to love.
Ask yourself this: If she weren't my mother, would it be smart to keep her in my life? Would I put up with her actions and behavior if I weren't related to her? Your answer is "no" if you are emotionally healthy. I'd contact her extremely little or never.
Last thing: The more you hang around someone who's negative, the more negative you become. You will become so used to the negativity that you will likely attract more negative people into your life.
Free yourself up. You don't need to put up with this. Good luck.
2006-07-19 06:33:15 · answer #1 · answered by Rewsna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be blunt about this but you can not make yourself love her , no matter what. Love is as love does and if she hasn't shown you much love in these past few years look at it as a big red flag. The best predictor of future behavior is just look at the past. Some relationships are just plain toxic. Take it from me. Distance yourself for a while and get some counseling at the mean time to assure that you wont carrie the same issues into your future relationships. Someday when she is old and scared and more clear about what kind of mother she has been , she may come crawling back to you. Till that day keep your distance and love her as a memory from afar.
2006-07-19 14:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by Roxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mom creates misery. Becarefull that you don't follow her lead. You can't change her, only yourself. She is a fine example of what you don't want to be like. Be carefree and let life happen. People that want to remain in self pity is becasue that is where they choose to be unless it is a medical problem, depression or such. There is help for that, but she has to want it.
As far as the verbal abuse and hitting goes. Many of us were raised like that and even the churches encourage the behavior. Hard habits to break when you don't know any better. All you can do is don't be that way yourself. Learn a better way and be around positive people. Negative people feed off of and suck the life out of people that will listen and baby them. Tell her she needs help and you wont' be co dependant by helping her to stay ssick any. As far as the abuse, set your boundries, it is illegal and you don't have to listen to it or take it. It is pointless to argue with her cause she only sees things the way she sees them. It is up to a therapist to do that sort of work. Good Luck and remember, you can always leave after you tell her you love her. She will get the hint and start doing for herself and get more active to find some one else to be negative with or get help
2006-07-19 13:44:02 · answer #3 · answered by Sue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you telling your mother these things? Are you telling her that you do truely care for her, and would love to become best friends? You need to let her know about these things. Also, sit down and talk to her about all of it. Tell her how she puts you down when she is negative. If she truely loves you, she will drop what she is doing to listen to you. If all else fails, see a counselor.
2006-07-19 13:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by Stealth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's better not to see that person for a while. I don't know if it would be good to talk to her about what happened etc.
2006-07-19 13:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by BarbieQ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in school you could talk to a teacher about it.I would also ask your mom if she would get help for all her problems,
2006-07-19 13:41:12 · answer #6 · answered by Nails 4 breakfast,tacks 4 snacks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its your mother but if she stresses you out and makes you ill you shouldnt be around her. Deal with her if and when you feel you can. B' well.
2006-07-19 13:36:26 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to minister or some one that isn't in the family. good luck be strong take care
2006-07-19 13:35:47 · answer #8 · answered by lipsmackinghotauntie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS GO AND LIVE OR STAY WITH A FAMILY MEMBER CLOSE BY.THAT GIVES YOUR MOM TIME TO HAVE TO HERSELF.
2006-07-19 13:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by BEAUTIFUL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's time you talk to her and tell her to let sleeping dogs lye-for lack of better words.
2006-07-19 13:34:16 · answer #10 · answered by georgie g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋