Does my Grandson have a right to know who is father really is?

Question

My daughter had a rocky relationship with a lad 6 years ago resulting in her becoming an unmarried mother, and us having a wonderful grandson. However the father and family did not want to really know, despite not requestiing any financial support from them. Six months later my daughter married a great guy who she and he bring up my grandson and their daughter very happily.
He has been a wonderful Daddy to our Grandson, and he looks on him as his own, having know one another since 6 months old.
But TRUTH will out, so they say. My daughtetr does not want him to have any information on his biological father at all, but her husband and I for that matter think it only fair. Comments please?

Answer 1

Here's the CORRECT answer. As his grandfather, it's not your call...you can give them your opinion, but that's as far as it should go, and you should respect your daughter's choice.

Only his mother and stepfather should decide together if and when he should be told about his father. You could do real damage to the relationship between you and your grandson and his mother, and his stepfather...who, as far as the child is concerned, is his father. You could also cause psychological trauma to the child himself, not to mention alienating your daughter.

I have been privy to a family situation where meddling grandparents have nearly broken up the family with their "good intentioned" interference. If the "truth will out" as you claim, then it will still "out" without you interfering.

There is no good that will come of this if you decide to spill the beans. Let your daughter and her husband make the decision on their own, respect that choice, and stay out of it. You'll find that eventually, as the child gets older, your daughter will eventually tell him...in her own time, which is as it should be.

Hopefully this helped you out.

Answer 2

I was brought up in the same situation as your grandson. My mum always told me that my my dad wasn't actually my father. But as they say, it can take any man to be a father, and a real man to be a daddy.
In my opinion, it's always better to let the child know the real situation from the word go, no matter what some people think, kids are very flexable with the truth, and this will also save a very worrying situation for your daughter when her son starts to grow up and ask questions.
When i was 14, i decided to find my real dad, i think in my situation i needed to, as i did not have a positive relationship with the man that brought me up. I was very lucky, my real dad and I now have a good relationship (although it was difficult in the beginning.)
I think that your daughter and her husband will need to sit and talk about this situation, as whatever happens, it going to affect her husband as much as anybody else.

But, as you say "the truth will out" and to me, it's better that it comes out in a calm and positive way rather than the shouting and screaming that may follow when your garndson grows up and wants to know why he's been lied to.

I wish you and your family all the best.

Answer 3

I think this child is under 18 so I would say if there is not court order saying the Father should have
vistitation rights then wait till he is 18 and telling him about his Father and let him decide when and if he wants to meet his real Father. He may come to you before and say I want to meet my real Father and you will tell him the truth about you and his real father not getting along. And tell the child when he turns 18 he can go looking for his real father. You will give him any contact info you have on him. Your son will love you more for this then if you show hate for the father and do not help him. Also if the father is persistant tell the father to pay child support and go to court to get visitation with the child setup.

Answer 4

I feel that your Grandson has the right to know his true biological father and also has the right to seek him out if he chooses to do so. If your Grandson asks you, should tell him the truth, you say the truth will come out, then he will know that you lied to him about not telling him, do the right thing for your Grandson and be honest.

Answer 5

I think as the child gets older he has a right to know. If the boy is yound than no, do not open a can of worms. Kids say mean things and you would not that to happen. I would wait till the child is about 14 or 15 then tell him the whole storie. He does have a right to know!!!

Answer 6

My husband adopted my oldest daughter when she was two years old. Her biological dad wanted nothing to do with her. I believe she has a right to know she was adopted and to know about her birth father, but it is something that needs to be eased into. We have started with simply telling stories about when she was a baby "before we knew daddy." The time will come she'll figure out there was another daddy first, and I'll explain that he wasn't around.. children have a way of figuring things out in due time, but I don't believe in keeping any information from her. I do, however think information should be fed in little bits and they should be the ones in charge of asking the questions they want to know about. Situations as complicated as yours and mine are too much for children to comprehend if told all at once. I'm confident that as my daughter gets older, she'll ask virtually MILLIONS of questions about her birth father and I'll answer every one as fairly as I can. I think it's best to leave children in these sorts of situations up to their own devices to decide what they want to know and when- but it's important you let him know that information is available to him if he wants to know.

Answer 7

I don't blame your daughter, however, he needs to know for medical reasons alone. I don't know when the right time would be to tell him. Your daughter was sure lucky to meet a man who would be so wonderful to do what he has done. It is up to your daughter to decide on this matter and you have to respect her wishes. Good luck on this matter, I really hope that it works out for everyone, especially the boy.

Answer 8

Oh yes, he should have the info.....it has haunted me since I was 16 not to know who he was. I feel as if something terribly important was missing and it leaves me adrift in an odd way regardless of how much I tell myself it is ancient history and to let it go. But then I didn't have a wonderful stepdad that could make a world of difference.

Answer 9

Yes he does , and when he asks perhaps he shall need a little extra care , understanding and love to help him through the understanding of it all , and be especially carefull that there is no criticism involved concerning who his biological father was or how he ( the son ) came into this world at all .

Answer 10

If it was me I would tell him who his real father is, because I wouldn't know how he would react if he found out latter when he's older. I would be shocked if I would ever found out that my mother is not my real mother the whole time. So try to tell him while he's young in a way he will understand, but it sounds like a very difficult situation.