Cont. quest. Am I selling myself shot?

Question

Trying to clarify here: children don't live with us but with his ex, we never see them.
I am totally capable to support myself living on my own, but I would loose a great partner, we get along great, he has a lot great qualities. My son is not losing but only winning from his influence. He is also putting up with some things that other people wouldn't. But he is very suspicious,I can't socialize with anybody cuz he doesn't like it. He has no friends either. Please, give me some mature answers, it's not one way situation. It's not as simple as it sounds.

I was married before and got divorce on the basis of extreme immaturity of my ex, he wasn't a good provider for the family and I appreciate that a lot in a man.

Answer 1

Yes, you are selling yourself and your son short. If you can support yourself and your son without his assistance, then I would strongly suggest you do so.

If this man is not allowing you to socialize when you want, because he doesn't like it, it is a form of abuse. Often this form of abuse will escalate to physical abuse. You need to ask yourself if this is something you want your son to witness and think is alright?

Your only other choice is to seek counseling for the both of you if you are determined to stay. He needs help resolving his issues, it isn't normal to not have any friends.

Answer 2

sounds like he may have good qualities and quite possibly is a good person..but if in the end, you don't feel fully SATISFIED and HAPPY in all things mental, emotional, and physical in a whole package (or if u feel he is NOT willing compromise and communicate and grow with you), then it is probably not a healthy relationship. don't settle for some good things and make yourself "put up" with other things that are a negative influence on you (ie, socializing w/ others, etc). having friends and being able to maintain relationships w/ others is a very important INDICATOR on what kind of personality and character someone has. whether or not he is good or bad person is not the question.. what is MOST important for *you* is if you can find someone who makes you feel wonderful, smart, attractive, happy and content with all aspects of your life, not some. you have to take care of yourself as well as your partner (and your son!), because if you are giving something up in order to have someone around, eventually you are hurting yourself in the long run... does that make sense? if you have found someone that encourages your confidence, encourages you to keep and make new friends, and do things together, be comfortable to talk and do everything w/ eachother, you will feel freer to flourish under that love. but if u feel uncomfortable, or tied down, forced to stop having friends, etc, you will end up having to give up more and more things about yourself, and will always feel like there's someone holding you back; in fact later on u may either just settle and just feel blah about everything, or u may feel more and more resentful towards him which is NOT a good or healthy thing for either of you.

make sure u communicate before you do anything rash, but also make sure that u continue to fight for good, positive things for your *whole* life, not negative ones. good luck.

Answer 3

My ex-wife was the same way and never had any close friends and we never had people over in the 12 years we were married and I have to say it gets old after a while and when you get older you will regret not having friends, and if you can't then your child might not be able to some time down the road or at least any that will be welcome in your home.