my mate is getting married soon in somerset.we live in london so travelling down there is going to cost a lot but we're all expecting that.But we've also got to pay for the wedding meal after(the brides chosen the venue but isnt paying for anything,not even drinks)and the reception in the evening.Not only that but she has asked for money as wedding presents so they can go on a honeymoon.
They havent been together long and are very young....does anyone think this is kinda out of order?
2006-07-19 02:59:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
that's mest up, if they're inviting YOU to their wedding, i think they should pay...it's like if YOUR inviting someone out to lunch, your not gonna make THEM pay for their food, i wouldnt' at least.
when my parents got married, my dad and his family payed for EVERYTHING. food, music, church, decorations, mom's dress, etc.i dont know if it was a cultural thing because we're hispanic. the guests didn't have to pay a cent. my dad's family even payed the transportation for the guests: my mom's side of the family and his. my parents were from different parts of the country so both sides of the family HAd to be at the wedding.
shouldn't this soon-to-be-married couple's PARENTS help out in paying for this wedding? they should stick to their budget i think. they shouldn't be asking the guests to pay for their food AND asking for money for their honeymoon...that ridiculous. take this as a learning experience and don't do the same when you get married, if your not already married.
2006-07-19 08:00:09 · answer #1 · answered by Alexis Samira 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is completely out of line. Totally improper even for todays etiquette. If they could not afford a Dinner Reception* they should have opted for a simpler one.Requesting a cash gift is also in poor taste.
Since you have known this person for awhile you have to decide if you are willing to pay for the dinner(s).One option is to go with a group of friends to save on travel expenses.As far as the meal - if it has been pre-ordered, you haven't any choice. If you have the option of what to have- choose the least expensive dish offered ( maybe an appetizer) and maybe your group of friends can grab a bite before your travels to the venue. Which ever works out for you.What ever you do- remember this is your friends day ( and his bride) and for what ever reason it is what it is. No, I do not agree with their choice, as you stated they are very young and may not be aware of how things are done.Best of luck .
*The Reception (which can be anything from a cocktails/ appetizers, cake/ punch to an elaborate 8 course sit down dinner) is not the responsibility of the guest to pay for their own "meal" or beverages.
2006-07-19 10:45:54 · answer #2 · answered by just-me-asking-u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asking your guests to pay for their own meal at the reception is HORRIBLE etiquette! Good luck to her if even 30% invited show up at the wedding.
Furthermore, if they don't have the funds or the support from parents to foot the bill, why are they rushing things? They should have just waited it out....or eloped! Do what is within your means, and DON'T EVER ask the guests to pay for their food at your event! The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate your love for the person you're about to marry, and hosting guests that you want to be a part of that special day.
So yes, this is very out of order!
2006-07-19 10:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by jrhauan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think this is out of order so basically they want to get married but expect there guest to pay for it.
This is typical of people taking advantage of their friends. If they can't afford to pay for the wedding or the honeymoon just leave it for a while and save some money or have a very small wedding that is not going to cost that much.
You shouldn't have to pay for the meal definitely not and to ask for money so they can have a honeymoon oh my god this is really taking it to extremes.
I bet you are not the only one to feel like this about what is being asked of you. Some people can be quite selfish, I don't know what you can do about it though cause you probably really want to see your friend getting married so you can't make uop an excuse and say you are not coming.
Sorry I can't really think how you can make the suituatin better except saying something to her but then you are risking your friendship but what she is asking of you is risking it.
2006-07-19 10:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by red lyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it sounds strange to invite people and expect them to pay. Very often today the brides parents and grooms parents share the cost and evan the two to marry help out. I suppose it depends on how well off, or not people are. I certainly wouldn't expect to pay for my meal at the wedding. Drinks yes. Usually with drinks they may provide a sparkling drink to toast the happy couple and also, perhaps some wine with meal.Money for presents, WHAT A CHEEK. I wouldn't give it.
Liz Have fun
2006-07-19 10:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by piggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These days a lot of people pay for weddings. The couple, either set of parents, grandparents, or a combination thereof. But...not the guests!!! It's so rude! It's like inviting people over to your house and then having an entry fee.
It's extremely out of order. Personally I'm not sure I could bring myself to attend a wedding like that. And I definitely wouldn't feel like giving them money for their honeymoon. I believe that if you can't afford to have a wedding or a honeymoon...well that is just too bad for you. You shouldn't ask guests to finance both.
I've heard though that in the past a good way to judge the amount you spend on a wedding is to cover the money that the bride and groom spent on you. I'm not sure that's accurate but hey - if you're paying for your own meal that's enough of a gift to them right?
Sorry that you're having to deal with such out of control people.
2006-07-19 12:33:16 · answer #6 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a day to remember that will be!!!I know a lot of people now have a bar where they put some money behind to pay for some drinks but as for you paying for your own meal???I got married 22 years ago and i paid for everything .If i was you i wouldn't bother .Actually it must be a Somerset theme because i went to a wedding there and they had a search party out afterwards for 2 missing pint glasses.And yes it was me who nicked them but they didn't find them lol.
2006-07-19 10:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by pig m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, as an american, i have never heard of anything so crazy in all of my life, and obviously it's not so different in your country! i would participate in the wedding and even oblige her request for money as a gift...i may even hand write a comment about it inside of the card...and probably decline the invitation to the reception. if they are having a dance (which would be what happened after the reception where i live), you could always come back and party, even though there is no open bar and still have made your point.
2006-07-19 10:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by tella stella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like their trying to get married on a shoe string. Strictly speaking, the ettiquette (sp?) is that the gift you give is equal or greater in cost than the meal. So you certainly shouldn't be asked for a present as well as paying for the meal. It is rather cheeky that they are asking for money too! Most people provide a gift list or ask for vouchers but money is rather cheeky.
2006-07-19 13:14:18 · answer #9 · answered by Cazza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
American tradition says: Groom's family pays for wedding. Bride's family pays for reception.
Chinese tradition says the complete opposite.
So it depends on London tradition I suppose.
Now a days however, alot of couples end up paying for their own weddings whether its for freedom of choice (no parents haggling you over decisions on your own big day) or because the parents refuse support or just cannot support the union financially.
I know my parents are very traditional, so if they refuse to pay for my wedding, they will not be included in my life anymore as I would see it as a gesture of non-support for the union itself. Alot of people are much more open minded about the $$ aspect of it, 2 of the last 3 weddings I've been to the bride/groom paid for everything themselves.
2006-07-19 10:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋